Hi Sally & Cath
Sorry it's taken me a while to get back on this, and thanks for replying.
It's been an exciting couple of weeks. My lad took his GCSE maths just before he turned 13 and we just found out he got an A*. Having pretty much entirely disengaged from education two years earlier (and about to be held back a year in primary maths), he's now gathering evidence that he can be a real success! I know Aspergers is a complex business, but more and more I wonder how many of the problems we encounter are mainly due to completely inappropriate environments, stress, and failure after failure after failure reducing our kids' self esteem to zero. They're not stupid, and they do know when everyone's treating them as though they're a serious problem!
Cath - interesting! I wonder how many people are in a similar situation? If there are any others in my Borough I expect I'd have heard about it. I am responsible for finding the tutors and I'm given a budget for 10 hours a week at £30/hour. Some weeks I overspend and make it up out of my pocket, other weeks I under spend a bit and I have full license to pay myself. It pretty much balances out in the end. He currently has five tutors and a little bit of time at the local school for maths and, soon I hope, Spanish and/or physics. The Borough and I are sort of making it up as we go along, and there are always problems to solve, but it's a genuine and robust solution to his education. I spend a lot of time making up the hours because 10 hours a week is not enough, but I hope that will increase soon.
"Exposure"....I know that one! The untested (and yet strangely revered) idea that schools are inherently a model of, and therefore a good preparation for, adult life is, in my opinion, rubbish for some kids . Throwing my son into that environment did absolutely nothing for him but stress him out so much he could neither learn nor socialise.
Sally - the issue of accessing academic subjects in a more "normal" environment has been key for me and my son too. He might want to study at university (certainly he's able enough) and he'll probably want a challenging, interesting job like most of us do! But I have pretty much abandoned the "social skills" intervention route because I don't think there's much evidence it works; it basically just rubs his nose in his sense of failure (how degrading, to be given lessons in how to interact with other people!). Instead, I have come to believe that my son will do well in mainstream (be it secondary, tertiary or the workplace) if he feels confident, if he's well qualified, and has a good track record of success. He's now pretty much integrated into his maths class at the local school (albeit a serious-minded class of 16 year olds) and I think that bodes well. He's been attending regularly since October without the slightest problem (having been told by a specialist autistic school 18 months ago that he couldn't attend any more because they couldn't keep him safe).
As this project rolls on I'm trying to look for ways my experience can be of use to other parents.