monicah

maybe I'm just a misanthrope

Hi again and thank you for your replies It has been a very stressful week - we had a school meeting with several people, including the head teacher. The outcome was in our favour with the inclusion manager dropping her demands for assessment very quickly, before the head teacher even made it to the room. Why do I consider this a positive thing? A few reasons: first of all the school based their whole case on personal impressions and had very few facts to present that could justify their description of my daughter's behaviour. Having used clinical terms and having exaggerated them for the sake of making their point they left us little choice but to refuse them - an assessment made taking their views as into account would have been plain wrong. Mihaela, I do believe my daughter has most of the characteristics of a gifted child and we actually requested that the school consider this as a possibility before recommending an assessment, we even provided them a study about misdiagnosis of gifted children. We were refused but I don't want to go into details because fear I'll turn this post into a rant. I know what you mean by "not merely the same as having a high IQ" , there's a spark, the kid who thinks outside the box and makes valid but unusual connections. I'm not sure where gifted ends and Asperger starts but there seem they do seem to have quite a few traits in common. In my opinion, a diagnosis overrides any risk, if only because it can be used against them... If I hang around I might learn more about how I could use a diagnosis for my daughter's benefit, unfortunately so far they seem to have the upper hand. We had a lot of stress and frustration because when we did not agree with all the school's proposals for my daughter (in particular we did not agree with an assessment based on their impressions and we asked for further observation in which concerning behaviour is objectively recorded including what, how often, and if it relates to a particular person or situation, also we did not want the one to one social integration sessions but proposed that they are done as part of the class since we did not see how pulling out a child from the society can help them learn how to be more sociable) they wrote back accusing us that we do not care for our daughter's emotional wellbeing. To them, it's all about fitting us into neat little boxes, a belief that never properly succeeds For my daughter this is exactly what I worry about, that they'll fit her into the Asperger box so her unusual opinions, her worries and her unusual but valid contributions (she always tries to change things her way and often has very complex ideas about how things, mostly games, should really be like) will not be considered because she'll be just an Aspie. At the moment she is too young to understand a diagnosis but has already started to notice she's a bit different. If you suspect you're on the spectrum - as I did, after doing the usual online tests, etc. then you probably are, and I advise you seek a diagnosis too, if only to confirm your suspicions and give peace of mind. Mihaela, I fear it is a bit late in the day for me, I've given up on the others a few years back and I'm well past caring what they think of me. I can function fairly well in the society if I find appropriate motivation, which I don't often do. I'm aware of the unsettling effect I have on a lot of normal people and I like popping into their midst every now and then to see how quickly they get flustered and awkward, it's my little revenge and I think it's only fair since they too make me uncomfortable most of the time. I'm not being mean by the way, all I have to do is try to have a perfectly normal meaningless conversation. Alexander, I really feel for you and have to express my outrage at the "experts" that can diagnose but do not help further? Did they at least provide you with some information regarding possible support / treatment if any?

Traveller, thanks for your answer, this blog is a very good place to find some honest answers. I've seen a few posts by now in which people express relief at having a diagnosis and I would be curious to find out if people actually find the support they need from the outside. At the moment I'm really concerned about allowing my daughter to be assessed because of the way the school overreacted and exacerbated her peculiarities to the point where I can say the portrait they created of her is plain ridiculous. I'm concerned by this overreaction and I wonder how much risk comes with an official diagnosis and how does it weigh against the possible benefits. There might come a point when she will feel the same way as you do but would a privately test not be wiser? I think my daughter is clever, funny and interesting, I could not wish for a better child. She is odd at times and hard work at times but the good bits are soooo good, they are so worth the package. I really don't understand why they can't just accept that she's a bit different, that as long as she doesn't bother someone else and as long as she's feeling fine about herself she doesn't need "help". Traveller, if you could change yourself into a 'normal' would you do it?

Quick introduction - I'm Monica, mum to Ada, 6yo. Neither of us is diagnosed with Asperger but we both could be, probably. I'm on this forum in search of answers to what is best for my daughter. To cut a long story short, the school is pushing for a referral to a psychologist and a diagnosis of Asperger for my 6yo daughter. They base their recommendation on a combination of characteristics - my daughter is rather advanced academically, she is an oddball, she is emotionally sensitive and a bit on the anxious side, she is a bit of a pain to a teacher as she is perfectionist, competitive , demanding and tireless, requiring lots of activity and attention, without which she can be either irritating or overemotional. I know my daughter very well and after reading quite a bit of reading I concluded two things - Based on others Asperger diagnosed traits, it is possible that a diagnosis of mild Aspg could be made for Ada. - There's nothing wrong with Asperger people except that the normal folk don't get them and find them odd (with all the attached social implications). The school is presenting a possible diagnosis as a wonderful opportunity for my child to get all the help and attention she deserves. I'm not buying it, judging by the 'help' already given it is just an opportunity for them to do away with all the hard work she requires by having a couple of 'support' sessions every week. However, I'm trying to keep an open mind - a proper psychologist might be a different thing altogether. I would really appreciate some views on if and how a diagnosis has been of benefit to you or your child. Ada is only 6 so she doesn't yet feel like a freak. She might get there later but at the moment I fear that an official diagnosis will change people's attitude towards her and she will be made to feel like one. Thanks in advance to those who do respond