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Newly diagnosed with mild ASD at 43

lyme disease chronic fatigue childlessness childless ME over-empathetic extroverted adhd

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#1 Dreamboat


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Posted 10 February 2016 - 02:33 PM


I am newly diagnosed with mild ASD at 43. I'm especially sad at being childless - and this is a difficult time for me trying to understand what went wrong and how I can try and build a meaningful life for myself. Sometimes I wonder if it still can be fixed and I might still meet the ideal partner and still be a parent. But on the other hand, I've never had a relationship, so it is kind of unlikely. I'm not sure it would work anyway. I am curious if there are other people here who are childless by circumstance and suffer and feel sad about it.


I'm still coming to grips with the diagnosis because on the one hand it does explain a lot about how difficult school, social stuff and jobs were. On the other hand I don't completely recognize myself in the ASD "stereotype" as I believe myself to be overly empathetic, absorbing other people's emotions wherever I go. I am also more an extrovert and come across warm and outgoing (so people say).  I tend to be the person all people come to with their problems. I am also not good at meticulous work (definitely not a computer geek, have adhd (original diagnosis) and find planning and organizing challenging).  I had a burn-out  at work, now I understand more that it was too taxing for me.


I don't fully believe it is only the ASD though, which causes my energy problems and chronic issues with tendon, muscle and joint pains (they say it is all due to the stress of overcompensating with ASD) but I sometimes wonder if it is also due to  something physical (I tested positive for lyme disease).


Interested to meet others with similar experiences.


Edited by Dreamboat, 10 February 2016 - 02:37 PM.

#2 gmboy


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Posted 10 February 2016 - 09:16 PM

I had a burn-out  at work, now I understand more that it was too taxing for me

Welcome on board! I have wondered if I'm in or heading towards burn out, though I find it difficult to relate bland descriptions to my own experiences. My current work is likely to end in the nearish future. I am worried about the prospect of starting a new job and starting the cycle of bed experience and stress again. I have just spoken to the GP about referral for AS assessment. I think it would be helpful to be clear about AS (or otherwise) before starting something new.

#3 Dreamboat


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Posted 11 February 2016 - 12:19 PM

Yes, I have had many jobs and have always left due to stress and not being able to manage the clutter (paperwork + in my head). Now I will be more careful not to stress myself unduly and to get help with the stuff which is difficult. And maybe avoid jobs that by their nature are far too overstimulating. Good luck with the referral!


If you feel you might be in burn out it is important to tell your GP!! It is better not to let it get too bad, because then healing takes longer.

#4 Mihaela


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Posted 17 February 2016 - 02:34 PM

Hi Dreamboat.  I've been through all this too, but now at last, I'm resigned to the fact that I must make the most of my life (and my talents) to make up for lost time and too much worry.  There's no point in chasing chimaeras and we need to look out for potential signs of burnout before it hits us.  Not easy.  The effort of 'trying to be normal' for so long just isn't worth it - it's too stressful for me and it takes its toll. 


You don't recognise yourself as fitting the AS stereotype because you're female, and most of us don't fit it.  Read up on the female traits, and you'll probably find you fit them very well, as I do.  This little lot should keep you busy!








#5 Dreamboat


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Posted 17 February 2016 - 07:13 PM

Thank you Mihaela :-) 
I find I still find it hard to accept it completely. But it feels good to sort of belong somewhere :-)

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: lyme disease, chronic fatigue, childlessness, childless, ME, over-empathetic, extroverted, adhd

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