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#1 Latecomer


    Norfolk Broads

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Posted 18 June 2016 - 08:33 AM

Hello there,


First of all, can I say that I don't know if I have Asperger's, i.e. I've not got a diagnosis as such, but have started thinking about it because a work colleague made a casual observation about me on Thursday and now I wonder if I might be?


It's a long story, but put simply I am in the process of being divorced because I had an affair. Not good behaviour at all. My colleague is a trained counsellor and enquired as to my welfare, very kindly. We talked about my marriage, and how my wife and I were both operating in different 'frames of reference', e.g. I was very work and practically-focused, whereas what she needed and didn't get from me was affection, affirmation, intimacy. My colleague then said something like "oh, and with you being a little bit Asperger's too" and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I had some thoughts a few months back, when I was trying to understand myself better (I think it's a midlife crisis thing, hence the affair) and read some more about ADD, but had people say to me "you can't categorise yourself, it's just a part of your personality, not the whole thing".


After my colleague had gone I Googled Asperger's and read some of the characteristics of Aspies when in relationships, and a lot of it rang true. I did Professor Baron-Cohen's test 3 times & came out with a high score (38, 42 & 44) on each occasion, though a bit of me is concerned I may have been anticipating which answers would yield a high score, though I hoped not.


It has made me feel as though I ought to seek a diagnosis. I work with number and statistics, and know that being an Aspie would be suited to this type of work. I have always liked numbers and statistics, word games, etc, and am able to remember things like dates, etc. I like statistics etc in my home life, and like sports where there are lots of statistics and facts, it's when talking about these things that people say I do seem genuinely excited by something. That's because I am conscious that I am not very emotional, and a bit flat. My wife said I didn't respond to her when she was upset about things, and conversations about our relationship and whether I loved her would cause me to retreat into saying about the practical things I did for her, rather than offer emotional support and empathy. In fact, sometimes when I was in a stressful conversation I would find myself rearranging the letters of a word or phrase in my head to make new words, rather than be listening properly. I didn't work out this was potentially a stress response until quite recently.


I am somewhat tied to routine, as in I'm not especially spontaneous, I was frugal with money (or tried to be, spending it would cause me a fair amount of worry, despite us being comfortably off). I used to think I was OK in social situations but think perhaps I do tend to 'stick to the people I know' more than talk to people whom I don't, and my wife observed when we met last week that I wasn't that good in social situations (that might be her hurt at my affair and our divorce coming out).


Does anyone have any thoughts, observations, comments? My wife's take on things is that I have just been a *unrepeatable phrase* and I know I have, but wonder if Asperger's might be a factor? I also have a bit of a problem with the internet, possibly somewhat addicted to it and also to internet pornography (nothing extreme). I guess that could make sense, in that it meets a need for me without having to do that emotional stuff...





#2 trekster


    Mt McKinley

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Posted 18 June 2016 - 10:02 PM

Hi and welcome to me you come across as the type of guy who owns up to his mistakes rather than hiding from them. Your symptoms do seem familiar to me and could be aspergers.

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