Kinda
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Posts posted by Kinda
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Suzy27
How nice but please be very careful and take safety precautions such as finding out his age, do not give personal details away at this stage and if you agree to meet him make it a public place, let someone know where you are going, and ask him to describe himself so you can just turn away if you don't like the look of him or become concerned.
If he is genuine he won't mind you being careful or asking questions. Also choose a place which you know so you are at ease and if you feel comfortable ask someone to accompany you and they can quietly slip away later when you are both comfortable with him. Meet up with you later (but let him know you are meeting your friend again later). Also take your mobile with you.
Sorry to be so security conscious but I don't think you can be too careful.
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Not sure if this helps but during a period when he seems calm have you tried asking him what is making him behave the way he is and perhaps explaining the consequences of his behavour. I realise this is difficult when everyones stress levels are high. Is there something in his life that is making more frustrated, is he not achieving at school, what will happen when he possible goes to his new school.
I think its called spinning plates, join him when he is playing his games and see if you can gently move into the behaviour issue and how its adding stress to everybody including himself, then see if a plan to go forward can be agreed on?
Hope this helps and just hang in there, just remember his behavour is not due to you but is probably due to some frustration in his own life.
As for your question if it gets better, when my son was younger we couldn't go to visit anyone or go anywhere because of his behaviour, tantrums, violence to others and now he has just finished university and is gentle as a kitten.
Hope this helps or triggers some ideas you come up with.
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My son was also very fussy over his food but our view was that we had so many other issues to deal with that this was low down on our agenda. He's now in his mid twenties and he's now begining to entertain different foods, fresh veg, pasta, and other healthy options. Looking back I think our choice not to be confrontational about it was the best. If we had tried to force healthy food on him (we did present it but it would cause stress that it was even on his plate) I think it would have just added to the stress of his other issues.
The point I'm trying to make is that he now finally has a healthy diet and hopefully there isn't any permanent long term damage, we just saw the diet as low down on our priority list to overcome, speech, relationships, stress, depression etc were far more important issues to deal for us as parents.
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Hi Kathryn and KarenA
Thank you for your time and advice.
My son is well aware that I have books on AS and so I know he will have researched it on the net. The AS label has helped me in that I now understand his difficulties but I still get caught out!!!
We had terrible trouble when he was at school and his first university and had we known more about AS then we could have helped more I think. Anyway we are now having to guide him with regards to his job and the complex relationships that work involves and in this area I'm unfortunately not a good role model for him and rely on my wife for the political savvy.
If there is limited help then there seems little point in having it confirmed or not, understanding more about AS and the difficulties that can occur has helped tremendously but of course you can't be there at their side all the time.
At his recent 2nd degree ceremony (sorry about being slightly boastful but I'm so proud) they gave a student a prize for the most improved student and there was my son who had I guess had to work so much harder, on his own , deal with the difficulties and I just thought the university and tutors just don't understand do they, a young man who had to have special educational support to help him talk when he was 6 years old.
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My son was a statemented child and was given a diagnosis as being dysphasic. When he went to university he was re-assessed to enable him to get a special grant (not sure what that was called). He has always been against any "special needs" label until he realised he could get a special grant and more time for his exams.
I mentioned a few problems my son was having at university to a colleague at work who advised me to look into AS which his son had been diagnosed as having. I've become more and more aware that some of his traits/behaviours are very AS. The problem is that I have not mentioned AS to my son and knowing his views on wanting to be "normal" I have not discussed it with him and I feel I can't.
Does anyone see a problem with this? He is in his mid 20's and has suffered from relationship problems, stress, depression, communication etc and we have helped by providing him with help were we can.
He now has a job and his company are not aware of any problems he may have and his AS traits are not severe but do affect him all the same. I can not see any reason for giving him yet another label so we have not raised it with him but not sure if we as parents are handling it correctly with him. I still search the web sites and read as much as I can to help him.
Recently we have found a therapist to help him with relationships, depression etc and he seems very happy with it so far. So the reason for the posting is to ask others if we are doing the right thing by not putting yet another label on him (since we know he will have an adverse reaction to any suggestion of AS) and knowing that we are still trying to deal with his problems regardless of the AS label.
He's now finished his education and so I guess its down to us as parents to help provide any specialist support he needs. His special needs requirement report was carried out about 5 years ago and made no mention of AS.
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I suffer from a sleep disorder which means sometimes I wake up in the night and have difficulty getting back to sleep which leaves me tired in the day. A diary is a great idea as is some excercise if you can manage it. Another tip is a radio next to your bed, I have an internet radio and put it on timer and usually it helps me fall asleep.
Also if you take a nap during the day you will find it can take the edge of your tiredness and therefore make it more difficult to sleep. You need to also consider what you think makes you wake up, is it the sweating or is that your brain is very active. I was advised to use relaxation tapes which also helped but now I'm out of the habit.
Hope it helps.
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Hi Allestuk
It may help if you try to separate the issues out, namely the finance issues, the studying, and the issues surrounding how you feel under certain circumstances. I think you need to get help from the university regarding these issues and your course tutor and personal tutor should help you with this. Have they arranged a mentor for you who will help you with all of this.
It may help if you can agree a plan with the university and your mentor can help explain how you feel and help with any communication problems. Hope I haven't overstepped the mark with my advice and been too pushy but I had to help my son with similar problems when he was at university and he felt all his energy was going into assignments etc and he didn't have the energy to deal with the tutors etc.
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Hi Tally
Can I ask if the disclosure has helped with communication with your supervisors which I guess is your main reason for disclosure in the first place?
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I've been feeling exhausted all of the time since I had the inner ear infection, the ear infection has gone but the tiredness hasn't. I feel like I've ran out of steam and have no reserves left for the last couple of weeks of term. Tomorrow I have to write 1200 words of my essay to have the draft ready to take to the dyslexia tuition appointment on Tuesday.My anxiety levels have gone through the roof in the last few weeks. All I just want to do is crawl under the duvet and not come out for a few weeks. Depression is definitely back, sleeping patterns have gone erratic. In other words things are not good with me right now. I constantly feel like I'm overloaded and it just accumulates every day.
This term has been far too much for me. I'm hoping that I won't be as bad the other terms as they are shorter than this one. I can't wait to move to Bristol next year, at least that will be 3hrs taken off my day. Just feel like I've hit the wall and can't go any further. I knew that I would struggle with university, but didn't realise I would react this badly.
Just read that you got your assignment in but hope this post helps anyway especially about any overload you may have because of your illness.
If it helps you could try and deal with each of the problems one at a time and break them down into issues you can deal with one at a time which may help with the overload problem.
Discuss how you feel with your tutor/course tutor as they maybe able to grant extensions, will help prioritise for you and maybe even advise what you can skip etc. I think you will find they have students with similar problems before. My son had the same problem and a meeting was called and a recovery plan was put together which included dropping some assignments he could without affecting his ability to pass. This prevented him from just putting assignments back which didn't help with the overload problem. The course tutor also helped him overcome some initial understanding problems he had.
A lot of students feel overwhelmed at times but you should not let it affect your long term health. The university can help if you contact them before the assignment due dates which seems to be important to them as then they can help you out.
My son at one stage considered commuting which would have meant adding 4 hours to his day but we managed to persuade him not to but this meant a lonely existence for him. The courses generally try and put students under pressure as they believe that this represents the "real world" were as my view is that life is stressful enough without the university deliberately adding to it under the pretense that its what the employers want.
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Hi Everyone
Erm not sure how much to say but found this site from a book I bought to help me understand my son (24 years) a bit more. He's just finished his masters degree and has started a new job but the same problems of spending a lot of time on his own in his room, lack of friendships at work and socially etc etc.
I want to learn from others how to help him, hence my reason for joining the forum.
How Important is a Diagnosis
in Beyond Adolescence
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Chriswheels
You are not alone, my son is now 24 years old and it was only some 2-3 years ago and after talking to a friend at work whose son is AS talked to me that he seem to meet a lot of the criteria. After more research into it it dawned on me that all the instances in which we thought was just being a teenager and him being a bit difficult I gradually realised that AS may have been the reason.
The label of AS has helped because I now understand why he behaves the way he does (he is not sever compared to other AS people), and we now try and help him and guide him and just be there for him.
But when I look back I often ask myself why we didn't realise before, why has it taken so long and how could we have missed it, what were we doing not to see it?