peaches
-
Content Count
306 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by peaches
-
-
Last night I started to have second thoughts about employing someone else to do the school run.
R has become very clingy lately, and we tried to discuss it last night. He said he missed me when he was at school and it made him feel all wobbly inside. (bless).
I know I need help somehow, but Im starting to wonder whether I can alter the girl's nursery pick up time, so I can pick up R on his own, then pick up the girls so he feels as if Im there just for him. Also its proving very tricky to get someone already OFSTED registered.
Im hoping to have a moment of clarity at Centre parcs!! We have a lot of other family stuff going on at the moment which requires my support (daughter ... hopeless boyfriend ... adoption of 4th grandchild etc) and I am carrying around too much.
-
HiMy 8yr old son who has asp is starting to get rather agressive towards his friends. The school have mentioned it to me and his friends have also told me that he keeps hurting them. I have discussed this with my son and have explained why it is wrong. He says he cant help it, his friends make him angry. He does hurt people when he gets excited too. Has anyone else been through similar situations and how have you dealt with it, i am really worried he will end up with no friends.
We have problems with our 6 year old at school similar to this. We all think (school included) that its very much to do with his Asperger's. He doesnt know he is hurting others, he just considers himself and not the feelings of others. Its a social communication disorder. This sort of behaviour is fairly typical of Asperger's boys isnt it? R gets supervision at lunchtimes in the playground. Other parents have complainted about him. Last half term something he injured another child who had to be sent to casualty. Ive walked through the playground at hometime and almost felt the daggers in my back from the other parents. It is hard to get through to them.
R is a bit like this at home sometimes with his sisters. Recently I put up a notice in the kitchen on the adice of our clin psych (R likes notices). "These are the new rules. If you trap your sisters hand in the door, I take away your game cube for 2 hours. If you push your sister over I take your game cube away for 2 hours ...." etc etc. This seems to have had some success. But Im not holding my breath.
-
Karen, they probably cant provide enough days for my requirements ...
Looking forward to it though. Even just one session would be better than none. Husband can be a bit thick skinned though, he has some Aspie traits. I have to make suggestions and hints very very clearly before he will realise that I need something.
-
Im sorry you are having problems ... I struggle to cope too.
Contact a family charity has helped me find some respite for Saturdays which is a specialist respite playscheme for children with special needs, set up by a charity.
The rest of the time I gradually sink ...
I send the younger two to a private nursery which I partly fund by tax credits. If you want some extra childcare, get in touch with your local council's children's information service. They can give you a list of childminders, nannys, playschemes, after school clubs etc. If the childcare provider is OFSTED registered then you can claim up to 80% of cost back through tax credits. Your local council may also have a Home Visiting Service, or a family placement scheme. You dont get much help from them though, and if you do its time limited. I didnt get any help when I had my hysterectomy, so dont hold your breath.
Homestart may have volunteers in your area who will give you a break, but it tends to be something very minimal like 2 hours a week.
-
Im no expert, but I would clarify what CAMHS could do for you by asking either your GP or whoever diagnosed him, as it seems to differ by area.
Where I live, we have been referred to CAMHS for diagnosis, they have a ASD/ADHD/AS clinic run by two specialists in that area. But until our appointments come up for the latter clinic, we are being seen in the "general" clinic by a non specialist clinical psychologist who has taken our history and is giving us little bits of advice on how to manage and support him at home.
He has been seen by an Educational Psychologist at school and this educational psychologist is wanting the same specialists who are involved in CAMHS to contribute to his statutory assessment, so he doesnt have to attend another hospital (which basically uses the same professionals for ADS/ADHD/AS). So the CAMHS team are, in a way, contributing to his statement IYSWIM. Well at least thats what Ive been told. Lets see if it materialises.
See what the set up is in your area. CAMHS may or may not be a good move.
-
Hope you have a lovely time.Book your spa treatments well before you arrive, or they'll be full up. Other activities, too.
Really???
Well its so close that I might be too late.
I must have another look at the website.
-
Booked centre parcs, Longleat. Got discount code if anyone wants it PM me.
We have never been before, but the spa sounds right up my street.
-
My darling husband is taking us to centre parcs for a few days shortly so I can recuperate in the spa.
-
Thanks everyone for your good wishes.
I am feeling a little better ... it was the usual sleep deprivation combined with us all trying to get over a viral infection. Mind you last night wasnt too good - 4 interruptions to sleep from 2 of the children. But you all know about bad nights dont you?
I have been given a contact for some support within our parish, but also Im thinking in the short term of changing the nursery hours that our girls do, so that the school run is easier at least one way, or for a limited number of days.
-
Before I try for direct payments I want his assessments and diagnosis to be complete or his statement done. Then I will apply for DLA and possibly direct payments.
I found someone who could do the child care and the school run today, but she is not OFSTED registered so this would be a problem with getting my tax credits. Im now looking into how someone gets registered on the voluntary register for childcare and how long it all takes.
-
Thanks Karen. The local authority have written back and in their lengthy letter they refer to Statutory Assessment many times but not once is multiprofessional mentioned, so I guess we are in for a Statutory one.
Apparently I need to submit written evidence as to why he should or should not be assessed. Ive asked the senco for help in what to put, because I presumably have to say, school are doing this and it isnt enough.
-
ALSO ON a roll, write to your local MP and express your situation, Im sure he will ensure you get support socially, and educationally, what is clear is you need more support, you can share with him the difficulties it is to get child care cover, it may be there is funding for nursery places for the yonger two one so you can get your Gson to school, but also once he is there, you can have a break too.I hope that you get something soon.
JsMum
Thanks Js mum. I tried this when I was having my hysterectomy and got nothing.
They are in nursery part time, but I would find it hard to get them up and ready and out to nursery before I get GS to school. Its a thought though. Im a bit rubbish in a morning to be honest. I have fibromyalgia amongst other things and until medication has kicked in I dont function that well.
-
We have used childminders in the past before school and they both let us down very quickly saying they couldn,t cope with Marcus behaviour. After the second one felt she couldn,t cope we decided it would be easier for me to change my job so i would be around to do the school run. This was before the twins were born. After they arrived it was very difficult to get all three of them up and and out and i was axhausted while i was doing the night feeds as well but there was no one to help who would be consistantly be there for Marcus so i battled on. It is still an ongoing battle as even though Marcus gets the school bus it is still a battle to make sure he is out of the house on time and now i have the other 2 to take to school and Piers fights every step of the way. So sorry i havn,t been much use but justed wanted to say i am thinking of you as I know what it is like.Thanks Joy. I thought there would be someone else. I did wonder if you know who would put them off too! Im quite happy to do the school run if the girls are looked after but it is so difficult with them.
At the moment an outreach worker from the council is going through a list of nannies, so far no luck.
-
Karen - SS aware. Not fostering.
-
Hi Peaches, could you ask round at school or pre-school if any of the other parents are going your way? thats all I can think of for now?
<'> EnidThanks Enid. Done that. There are people who will help on the odd day but no one wants it full time. As you can imagine, swapping and changing is really bad for Rs behaviour. I have thought of handing out flyers in the school yard ... or advertising.
-
Can you recommend somewhere for a short break in this country which does childcare or has a creche. Im ready to crack up. I did have a list of places but cant find them.
-
I have been trying to recruit a childminder or a nanny who will help me with the school run and give a few sessions of childcare too.
I really feel Im at my limit.
The City Council Information Link worker who supplies lists of nannies and child minders has worked through them with me but none of them can do the school run. Also no one in my immediate area has vacancies anyway. We have tried further afield, but of course no one wants to do the school run from another district. Social Services have already been asked to help when I had my hysterectomy and they couldnt. Then 4 months later they sent me 6 weeks worth of 2 hours a week support and this is due to finish.
I dont need to tell you how difficult a school run is with an ASD child. Well add to that a baby and a toddler in a double buggy and its just a nightmare. If R has one to one he is not too bad to manage on the school run, but when my attention is diverted with the pram or getting his sisters out of the house and into the car, he is an absolute nightmare. I am making star charts and targets around getting ready in the morning already so I am working on that.
My husband tried to get part time hours at work, but they only offered him shifts which makes our situation worse. His trade union advised him that the next step would be a tribunal and it would take months. I dont have months. He is due to start a new job soon, although the hours are better, they are still variable, so Im not hopeful.
Have any of you come to any arrangements regarding the school run which work and could be applied to my situation, to make it run more smoothly?
-
Hi, All the above points work really well with my DS, I agree Bid about the consequenses though,The system I have come up with is that he has 50p a day, with a �2.oo bonus at the end of the week if all goes well, he also gets money for getting in and out of taxi at both ends and not doing a runner, and taking his meds when asked, at the end of the week, at a time when he is calm, we sit down and add it up, he loses money for damage, runners,etc so that is the consequence, not ideal but it works, I used to be able to take things off him but those days are gone so its the best I can come up with. EnidI have thought about this too. Giving money and possibly taking it off him in fines as consequences. Recently it was suggested that I remove Rs Game cube for 2 hours when he injures his sisters. I informed him beforehand and put a notice up to that effect. When I mentioned that the action (which he was about to commit) would result in the removal of his game cube he went absolutely wild. I am back to square one. As R likes to go to the shop and choose a comic at the weekends I think I might try the money thing. Trouble is, his little sis is like some sort of mini human rights lawyer and demands parity for herself and her younger sister (unbelievable!).
-
Oh, no! Have I asked for the wrong thing? I asked for multiprofessional assessment, but did it thinking it was for the statementing process. This is what I was told to do at the meeting with the Ed Psych. Has the Ed Psych got this wrong then? Should I write another letter?
By the way, I have no idea what SALT is.
-
Thanks everyone.
I have written to the local authority to request a multiprofessional assessment.
Now, what does multiprofessional mean?
Many different doctors or many different disciplines involved?
-
Hi this website may be the answer to an awful problem that I have. I've been married for 22 years to Andrew. In January I found out that he had been having an affair last year. With the help of a counsellor we have looked at where things have gone wrong in our relationship. What has emerged is that he needs emotional support, but is unable to express his feelings. So for years he has been looking elsewhere for that. I had no idea.It may sound strange but I have a lot of sympathy for him and would like to help him overcome this problem. Yesterday I was talking to someone whose son has Asperger syndrome and it suddenly occurred to me that this is exactly what Andrew?s problem is. It was like finding a missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle.
Here are some examples of his behaviour:
He has no friends
He dislikes meeting new people and social settings, we are always the last to arrive and the first to leave a party
He finds talking about feelings difficult
He has a very high IQ, did engineering at Cambridge, is a brilliant mathematician and thinks about numbers in a different way
He sees the world in a different way to most people
He is insensitive to feelings and can be hurtful without realising it
He lacks empathy
He collects and hoards things
He is very analytical and can deal better with emails than talking face to face, but when I give him too much information about how I feel, cannot handle it he says it overwhelms him
He makes very little eye contact with people and if doing a presentation for work cannot look at people or it spoils his concentration
He makes social errors of judgement, so he might start clearing away plates when we have friends to dinner before they have finished eating
He sometimes misinterprets what people are saying, he takes things too literally and does not pick up other signals e.g. body language
He is very musical and is a very good organist, but it is an obsession
He listens to classical music all the time on headphones
He hates background music in pubs he can?t ignore it
He is obsessive about DIY but gets bored before he finishes anything
He has a heightened sense of smell and often screws up his face at the smell of my perfume ( I take this personally and assume it?s the association with me that he dislikes)
His uncle was ?odd? and Andrew is said to be like him in that they did engineering at Cambridge. His uncle left his wife.
His nephew is supposed to be like him too, the boy is happy in his own company
When Andrew was a child he could amuse himself for hours trying to work out how electrical things worked
I could go on and on but having read some stuff on the web and on this site it does sound to me that this is our problem. We realise that we had a communication problem, but Andrew has always maintained that I have not created the sort of atmosphere that allowed for good communication. I feel hurt and bewildered because I communicate well with everyone else and am good at expressing my feelings.
I?m sorry to have gone on so long, but could someone tell me if I am correct in my thinking that after all this time of not understanding that he could have aspergers and this could be the cause of our problems?
If you think he probably has Aspergers, how should I approach it with him? He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and that the problems in the marriage because of me.
If anyone is reading this, thanks, and I would so appreciate comments.
This is a difficult one, also the only person who can make a diagnosis is a consultant psychiatrist.
What do you want to happen to the marriage is the first question. If you want it to continue then maybe marriage guidance is more appropriate than seeking a diagnosis. If you get a diagnosis it may not solve anything. I suspect my husband has Asperger's too, but he gets through life. He too lacks empathy and doesnt know how to express his feelings, but we have learned how to work with this. But I must admit for years he thought there was nothing wrong with him and actually made me feel that I was the one with the problem.
At his age, you have to question what a diagnosis would offer, if he would want it, and is there a way to salvage the marriage without him being diagnosed. Can a counsellor help you work together?
Good luck.
-
I have just reread your first post peaches.The bit about not being the best start.
You would be a full time mum to the four of them.
Bit of a cheek SS saying that when government is encouraging parent to go out to work and use childcare.
I thought that SS proffered children to be with "Family".
Are there any groups or charity in you area that could help.
My wife and my self use to be volunteers and I worked part time for HOMESTART.
My wife supported a family with similar problems to you and I amongst other thing help run a drop in session.
But I know that the activities of HOMESTART do different from area to area.
As has been said you can only do what you think to be the best at the time. It dose you no good looking back and saying "What if".
I am sure that whatever the outcome you can rest assured that you did your best.
That is all any of us can do.
When I enquired about homestart a while ago, there wasnt a worker available in this area, but I could have gone on a waiting list. But to be honest 2 hours a week or a fortnight (cant remember which) wouldnt really go very far.
-
What a hard decision. But hats off to you for taking on what you have. I have a friend who is raising her grandaughter, and I know that she is going through the 3am feeds etc at the moment, never expecting to be doing that again.But - and I hesitate to say this - if you do decide to keep the baby, she isn't necessarily going to be getting a rough deal out of it. I would hope that Social Services, or whoever, would be able to help you access extra help, or at least funds, to support your situation.
But good luck to you, whatever choice you make I'm sure it will be a hard one - but the right one for you all.
Dont think for one minute that SS offer any practical support once you have the children. They dont. Ive asked and asked. Even when I had my hysterectomy this year - nothing. I even wrote to my MP. They do pay a residence order allowance for the children which helps, but you need this just to keep them from day to day. It is not as generous as a foster carers allowance. Nor do we get the respite and support that a foster carer gets. But lets be honest, grandparents like me would do it anyway and do it for nothing. I wouldnt be without these kids.
-
What a terrible decision to have to make!But I think you already know what would be the best thing for her. A healthy baby is likely to be adopted very quickly, and SS will be have the pick of the best adoptive parents for her. It's possible you may be able to retain some kind of contact with the child even if she is adopted by another family, and get regular updates.
It would have been impossible for your daughter to have been diagnosed with AS as a child. The condition was not heard of in this country until 1981 and it was only listed as a genuine diagnosis in the DSM in 1994, but still very poorly understood. It is highly unlikely that you as parents would have been aware of these developments anyway. Even teachers and doctors would not have known about it until fairly recently.
Thank you all.
Thanks also Tally especially for the last paragraph. There are still many people who have no idea about Asperger's. I just knew about autism but knew she didnt fit all the criteria. But I still feel bad about it. That's why the I am pushing really hard to get my grandson diagnosed and I am exploring every avenue and interrogating every professional whom I think can help.
This forum has been so insightful though. The number of times I have thought ... oh yes, he does that as well!
Has anyone used one of those hotels that do childcare
in General Discussion
Posted · Report reply
What do you recommend pearl?
I have had reflexology before and quite fancy a bit more of that. I would also like some massage ... anything that will destress. I am not particularly fussed about facials, but have never had one. Im not the type to put make up on and have an elaborate beauty routine. Might get a new hairdo I suppose.