Worried

Hi All, Thanks very much for these fast and helpful replies. I've just ordered a couple of books that people suggested on amazon, and will call the NAS tomorrow. A friend is going to lend me "The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome" - A guide to living in an intimate relationship with a partner who has Asperger Syndorme by Maxine C. Aston. So those sound like good starting points. I can't tell you how gateful I am to you all for being generous with your time and helping me towards understanding. Sheena

Hi Delyth, Thanks very much for this reply and I will get the books suggested now. Have looked at your website and if I can will attend the next meeting (I sometimes work in London) so you have been really helpful. Sheena

Hi, All these comments have been very helpful and it?s really nice to know that there are strangers who are willing to give their time and knowledge. So thank you all very much. It sounds like he has AS to me, and of course it has always been a problem, but we didn?t realise how much of a problem till recently. In general people think he?s just a bit odd. I doubt if a diagnosis would help because he is what he is and anyway I married him for better or worse. He?s got many, many good qualities and I?ve been tolerant of strange behaviour because of them. If I?d known about AS sooner, I would have done many things in a different way. My husband also feels that I patronise him, Diane, he says I treat him like a teacher, but I?m struggling to help. I?ve no idea what the best approach is. How do you give emotional support to a man who never talks about his feelings? Tally, you said that ?If you can understand more about AS, then you might find strategies which can help you communicate better with your husband.? Is there a book that might give me a better insight? Thanks again for all the help!

Hi this website may be the answer to an awful problem that I have. I've been married for 22 years to Andrew. In January I found out that he had been having an affair last year. With the help of a counsellor we have looked at where things have gone wrong in our relationship. What has emerged is that he needs emotional support, but is unable to express his feelings. So for years he has been looking elsewhere for that. I had no idea. It may sound strange but I have a lot of sympathy for him and would like to help him overcome this problem. Yesterday I was talking to someone whose son has Asperger syndrome and it suddenly occurred to me that this is exactly what Andrew?s problem is. It was like finding a missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Here are some examples of his behaviour:  He has no friends  He dislikes meeting new people and social settings, we are always the last to arrive and the first to leave a party  He finds talking about feelings difficult  He has a very high IQ, did engineering at Cambridge, is a brilliant mathematician and thinks about numbers in a different way  He sees the world in a different way to most people  He is insensitive to feelings and can be hurtful without realising it  He lacks empathy  He collects and hoards things  He is very analytical and can deal better with emails than talking face to face, but when I give him too much information about how I feel, cannot handle it he says it overwhelms him  He makes very little eye contact with people and if doing a presentation for work cannot look at people or it spoils his concentration  He makes social errors of judgement, so he might start clearing away plates when we have friends to dinner before they have finished eating  He sometimes misinterprets what people are saying, he takes things too literally and does not pick up other signals e.g. body language  He is very musical and is a very good organist, but it is an obsession  He listens to classical music all the time on headphones  He hates background music in pubs he can?t ignore it  He is obsessive about DIY but gets bored before he finishes anything  He has a heightened sense of smell and often screws up his face at the smell of my perfume ( I take this personally and assume it?s the association with me that he dislikes)  His uncle was ?odd? and Andrew is said to be like him in that they did engineering at Cambridge. His uncle left his wife.  His nephew is supposed to be like him too, the boy is happy in his own company  When Andrew was a child he could amuse himself for hours trying to work out how electrical things worked I could go on and on but having read some stuff on the web and on this site it does sound to me that this is our problem. We realise that we had a communication problem, but Andrew has always maintained that I have not created the sort of atmosphere that allowed for good communication. I feel hurt and bewildered because I communicate well with everyone else and am good at expressing my feelings. I?m sorry to have gone on so long, but could someone tell me if I am correct in my thinking that after all this time of not understanding that he could have aspergers and this could be the cause of our problems? If you think he probably has Aspergers, how should I approach it with him? He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and that the problems in the marriage because of me. If anyone is reading this, thanks, and I would so appreciate comments.