moomum

Gosh Nobby that is really really helpful, thank you! I know that T's behavior radically improved when I stopped telling him off for his behaviour at school - but then having supported him in school I can see that he is goaded and pushed by other kids because he reacts so violently so it just was not fair sanctioning him for bieng pushed to the end of his limits. I'll save your reply because I know there are parts of it I can apply to the way I deal with T that will work alongside what I have that is already working. I think half the battle is recognising when things are about to erupt, and if you can get in there before it all goes nasty and distract or divert then it is usually all ok.

I forgot to say I do an awful lot of 'I am going to count to 10 and if you have not...... before I get to 10 then there will be no TV/computer/bedtime story....... I usually only get to 8 :-)

Oh I do feel for you, my son is 5 and has meltdowns but he is small enough to restrain and luckily enough he seems to be de-escalating quicker these days, but the meltdowns are the reason his childminder will no longer look after him and I have had bus drivers shouting at me when I have been trying to stop him being run over..... I have had some success with picking battles with T that I know I will win, first you pick the toys up then we can watch a film, if you don't pick the toys up there will be no film for example. If he doesn't comply he gets the consequence and if he does he has a nice time. When I started to do this I must have repeated about 50 times a day 'when you do as you are told you have a nice time' until it all started to get a bit easier and he accepts my authority more easily whatever the situation now. This was awful to start with as every thing was a horrible battle (put your wellys on, brush your teeth, shut the door, go to the shops with me.....) but it only took a couple of weeks for him to learn fast that he had to do as he was told or he would not have a nice time. Now he knows I mean business and he is happier and more confident now he knows I am in control. Also I don't give him more than 3 warnings (usually in the form of a countdown) or more than one chance. If he is rude to me or hits me he is straight in his room with no computer privildges, sometimes I have to carry him there and hold the door until he is calm enough to aplologise but you could not do that with an older child. It is always worse when other kids are there, we had a meltdown which meant I had to ask his friend and her mum to walk home because he kept hitting her and getting out of his car seat, it just wasnt safe. So they walked home in the pouring rain and his friend (who is very fond of him and likes playing with him) couldn't play, so it was like everyone was punished. T is worse when he is hungry, I have learnt to keep snacks on hand in case as he can calm down radically once he has eaten something. I think you did the right thing by not letting him have the McDonalds, if it was me I would say no McDonalds for x amount of time because of the incident and I'd want to see good behaviour (a star chart filled or something) before we went back. You are coping incredibly well and you should be proud of yourself.

There are some really helpful ideas there, thank you. He has no problem using PVA but I would be worried that if I pointes out that it is like yoghurt to him he might get funny about PVA too. Funnily enough, one of his favorite toys is slime - anything gooey and tactile.

Thanks Madme. T is a bit funny about clothes - he will only wear soft things, track suit bottoms for example and I have just recently got him to wear pants under them. But then I don't wear anything uncomfortable, so I relate to that. Did the dietician help at all?

Thanks Louisa, it is good to know that other people are similar, though of course I would rather none of us had to deal with it! How do you cope with it? Have you found anything that makes it easier for her? T seems to be getting worse as he gets older, and he started doing this last year. He was fine before that.

My 5 and a half year old (diagnosed with extreme anxiety and presenting with some aspergers traits) gags at the sight of runny food or messy eaters. Recently he has had a cold and been a bit flemmy (sp?) and now gags at smells of food so eating out is pretty much impossible. He will start retching as we go into a cafe. At school (I go in to support him through lunch) he can cope with other peoples food because he wants to sit with his friends. My strategy is to tell him not to look at the runny food and to not think about it. When he is calm he is able to cope with it better. If I am eating soup at home he sometimes asks me to eat somewhere else, which I refuse to do, but I will let him eat somewhere else if he is really struggling with it. This all started when he threw up at the sight of my downs syndrome sister eating really messily. At her house, he often takes his food and eats it on the stairs so he doesn't have to sit at the table. It is getting a bit unworkable, so any help or ideas or links would be really appreciated! I am trying not to pander to it, or to make it affect other people if possible but he is struggling so I feel mean!

don't want to pop your balloon but....... What I am trying to do is subscribe to individual threads, and what I am actually doing is subscriing to the board. If I click on options when I am subscribed it gives me no option to leave

Just brilliant! Nice to 'see' you too

got it, thank you!

''What are the big issues that concern you ?'' The waiting list - a year is a long time for a 5 year old. ''What would you like CAMHS to be doing that they are not doing ? '' nothing, they are great at keeping in touch and chasing up things and speaking to the school ''How would you like to be treated by CAMHS professionals ?'' as I am, with respect ''What are the current gaps in provision that you can identify ?'' they need more staff

Oh gosh, what a sensitive boy you have there. Mine is also very sensitive but unfortunatly prone to want to play games of killing, I side with your son on the pacifism front. 5 seems to be very young to me to talk about rememberence day and death, or am I just naive? Happy days, hmm, can you catch him when he is enjoying himself and ask him if he is having a happy time? break the days down into moments of happiness rather than the whole thing having to be happy? With lunch times at T's school the kids who find the noise and chaos difficult go in a bit earlier, I would talk to the school about it. Hope that helps a tiny bit.

sorry, I subscribed to a board whilst trying to subsribe to a post, how can I unsubscribe? Cheers!

ha ha, I am exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically! but nothing lasts forever, things change and I hang on the the improvements to keep me going, I have just resigned myself to putting T first, I had him, I chose to have him, he is my responsibility. I get a lot of support (though not tangible, physical support) from friends and family, who unfortunatly live miles away but they are on the end of the phone when I need. It is actually easier being single than being in an awful relationship, I just deal with it and there is no one else around critisising me! I have no idea how people cope with more than one child, 'normal' or not!

Not in T's school, they go in as year groups and the choose who to sit next to.