Chiqqy

Thanks JsMum, I just wanted to make it clear I'm not the evil stepmum all the time I don't want praise for doing what I have done to help him I just want it known that it hasn't always been like this and that things would have been worse for him if I hadn't been here. Some think I reacted badly and they're are entitled to think that, I reacted full stop. If I didn't care about this childs future (and yes about my own kids' future on which this situation could have negative effects (could have serious negative effacts for all of us who live here and if that's selfish of me then so be it) I wouldn't have reacted all at. I've clamed down a lot now (though am still angry, not just at him still) but we have still not heard from ANYONE regarding this situation nor about his future as an independant adult. Because I was never prepared to "look after" him well into his adulthood, we all want our kids to leave home eventually but I think his Dad thought he would never have to leave home. I'm not being hostile now, but I don't really care what people think, unless they have walked a mile in my shoes they shouldn't judge me so easily. I know we all do it in certain situations, we can all say what we would do if such and such a thing happened to us, I've done it myself, but until it actually happens you really don't know how you will react. I don't want sympathy either but it's having an effect on my job and my friendships. It's not JUST about the person with ASD, if the people around them are falling apart then what? If we can't cope who is the person with ASD going to turn to? What effect will it have on them? I really don't think "the powers that be" think about anyof this, they sit behind their text books telling us what to do, but they don't really live it do they? They don't deal with it 24/7 365 days a year. When they leave work for the day that's it for them, they don't take all the stress and worry with them on holiday not even on their days off. Fair enough it's not their child, but they choose their career, we didn't choose for our relatives to have ASD. I said I was still angry, I'm also sad about it all too. Thanks to EVERYONE for taking the time to read and respond to my posts, I mightn't like or agree with what some of you said but you took the time, which is more than SS did. Best wishes M x I'd still like this topic locked/closed please.

Thanks Lizj xxxx

I have done all I can, I have tried my hardest for this kid just like I would have done had one of my kids had AS. ME ALONE!! JUST ME! NO-ONE ELSE! Is that not enough? His Dad probably has AS too and yet I have stuck around for 10 years with no emotional support in fact no support of any kind. WHY? I just don't know I know I'm incredibly sad that it's all been for nothing, I didn't want to walk away from this, I'm also incredibly sad that this child isn't going to get the proper help and guidance purely because no matter who I ask, who I talk to, who I shout at, wherever I have gone to try and get help I just get no-where. I suppose I can reconcile myself that (whatever you may think) while I was here he had a better life than had he just been left with his Dad. At least he got fed properly, got help with homework, got in the right school, got clothes that fit him, got to go on days out (none of these things he got before I came along). And he got a dx, no-one had a clue about AS here, they just thought he was allergic to orange juice (LMAO). Anyway, you can lock this topic now, I'm done.

Lmao!! Yep I guess I've been blessed. Dereg me please.

He might have learned that I was angry and it was a seriously bad thing to do!

OK I was phoned by a member of staff at the club who told me he had been seen with his hands down another boys pants "pleasuring him" those were her exact words. I wasn't there I didn't see it, he didn't admit it at first but he has since. That's all I know! She said she was concerned because of the ages of them both. So maybe she lied for some unknown reason. Me too!! This is why I am here! This is why I am so angry! I can't believe no-one but me is seriously concerned about this!!! Do you "get it" now? Am I getting through to anyone? Will i ever get it through to "them" Do you think I am making this up?!? Look I'm gonna leave because I get more wound up with you lot, I REALLY am sorry to say that but I did think I'd get more support here, but you just make me more angry and make me feel like I'm in the wrong. Maybe I should go to a forum for relatives of peados? Eh?

I didn't just mean anyone who had mentioned it sorry, I meant everyone including him, his Dad and SS, anyone who has a problem with it basically. And sorry but I don't think you have read anything I have written properly ie I have been trying to get SS on his case for years!! And even this incredibly serious incident doesn't seem to be giving them a kick up the backside!

SS still don't seem to see how serious this situation is. A SW came with CPT when he did something similar with 2 other boys before he was 18, I don't understand why they haven't been informed now that he's an adult. There's no way of talking to the parents as they can't tell us who they are or where they live, same as they can't give them any details about my stepson. I can't phone anyone at adult services tomorrow as I'm back at work and don't finish till the evening, have asked husband to make some calls but he's too soft (ok understandably) whereas (as you have probably already realised) I'm more to the point and I don't take any flannel from them so I'm reluctant to have him speak to them. I will be able to phone the club where it happened though so I will do that as surprisingly they are still letting him attend!!(can you believe that?) I'm angry at them all, at my stepson for doing it, my husband for not being that interested in it all and not taking it seriously, SS for not being there for us from the beginning and for not taking this seriously! It's like I'm the only one who sees the serious and potential dangers in all this. I don't even think smacking him was harsh! What would YOU all like to do to someone who touches kids like this?? What do any of us think of people who do that? Don't we all want to dole out our own punishments? So I am not going to apologise to anyone for smacking him, I'm not even going to say it was wrong. Because if it had been my son he'd touched he'd still be in hospital! I would like to thank Justine1, I think maybe (correct me if I'm wrong) you have tried to put yourself in my shoes. Thanks also to those who have given sensible advice and haven't just concentrated on the fact I smacked him. I'm not the baddie here, I have made sacrifices for this child, sometimes at the expence of my own children, and most definitely at the expence of my health and happiness. (poor me eh? lol)

What would you do if your child went to the same after school club as him? Is anybody going to answer that?

Why would me and my children have to leave? It's our home too! His son wants to leave so my husband has no say in the matter. He's an adult now. How do you know he wouldn't try anything with my son? He's never been given the opportunity and he never will, but the bigger danger is if he did I'm worried my son/s would seriously hurt him! I feel like your all against me, I'm only being honest, I tried really hard in the begining but he resented me from day one (oh and his real mum left when he was a tiny baby). His clothes didn't fit him, he wasn't being fed right, his dad didn't think there was anything wrong with him, even said he thought he was hyperintelligent!! His dad didn't play with him, it was me who started the water fights in the garden in the summer, me who sat and helped with his home work, me who fed him, cuddled him when he got earache, me who told his dad to stop shouting at him all the time when he wasn't doing anything wrong. I knew pretty early on there was something wrong with him, and no he isn't "Rainman" he's not hyperintelligent, he has learning difficulties too. I got the ball rolling on getting his dx, getting him in the right school etc... He touched (inappropriatlY) and bit other kids in primary school, BEFORE I was on the scene. He would strip naked in school! His problems started long before they met me,all I tried to do was help when no-one else did, not even his dad! And now once again I'm made to feel like the wicked stepmother!! But the fact is he's 18 and he sexually touched a 15 year old boy!!! He's wrong not me! Take AS out of the equation - if an NT did it there would be an outrage! Or is this similar to the as fella who hacked the US navy, getting away with it cos he's AS?? Answer me this...............what would you do if he went to the same after school club as one of your kids. No really, what would you do??

Get support you say, sorry but I am screaming out for support and have been for years! "They" are always in meetings or on leave! They don't get on our case when we want the help but they do when he "misbehaves". If they had helped us sooner, gave us some guidance this might never have happened! I don't like the way I feel toward him but at least I'm not pretending to like him to anyone! My parenting is fine as my own two sons are perfectly normal, polite intelligent and honest human beings. Funny how CPT was called last time he did somethng like this before he was 18 but nothings being done now he's over 18. I was told today he has a "friendship" with the child involved. Well evey friendship he has had has ended in inappropiate behaviour. Is that my fault? Is he crying out for affection? Well his dad couldn't do that because his ex accused him of abuse so he wouldn't dare be affectionate in case the finger was pointed. I though I would get some understanding here. My own outlook on other peoples lives is ......walk a mile in mile shoes before you jugde me. I have done way too much to give up on my partner now after ten years, I have done way too much for his son as well. And do you know what I am gonna get in return? Nothing but an early grave. Thanks for your judements. I guess I'm all alone on this one.

He was dx at 10 and we have had a handfull of meetings, they don't want to know until things like this happen then they are all over us! I have rang adult services today and told them I want him out! I smacked him so many times last night for what he did I lost count, I was shaking with anger. His Dad put a dent in his bedroom wall throwing his playstation (instead of him). His dad hasn't done much over the years and I'm the wicked step mum but I have told them it's me who pushes for his dad to do something everytime!! I tried to phone the sw who was involved last time a similar thing happened but no joy because she deals with children. I'm meant to be getting a call from adult services tomorrow I will ask them if I should involve the CPT. I'm at the end of my tether, I have family coming at the weekend because it's my birthday and I don't know how I'm going to get through it or even if I should tell them the situation. I just hope there's a place that takes him otherwise his dad will have to leave with him or he will be on the street. Thanks all xxx

I have chest pains with the stress of it all.

My AS stepson has recently turned 18, he has always been a problem because he can't keep his hands to himself and we have had the child protection team here because I have a 14 year old son myself. Last night he went to his social club and he had his hands in a younger boys pants "pleasuring him"!!! I want him out the house ASAP but will any residential places take him now? I wouldn't be surprised if other boys parents pressed charges cos I would!!

Hello, I'm not gonna win any friends writing this but my aspie "stepson" is nearly 18, when he is 18 can I "kick" him out of the house? Or is there some law because he has this condition? Thanks Sorry didn't mean to post 4 times - puter is slow - dunno how to delete other 3 though