Wildkat
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Posts posted by Wildkat
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They can get praise for things they do right with their daughter. Yes my sisters been resentful of me as well.Thats a good idea then adjustments for what they can and cant do are easier to implement. If you can spend quality time with each child in turn doing something that kid does. It might help with the resentfulness.
You could ask for an OT referral for her severe sensory issues. Sounds like she has a strong gag reflex so her body thinks shes going to choke which is why she spits out the medicine.
Yes and to me it tastes the same, ask for "gluten free" section of your local supermarket. Sainsburys are the best, followed by Morrisons (get my easter eggs from them), then tescos. See the diets section of this site so you can contact parents who are on it. Im on it and resisted the stuff for 10 years because i couldn't face it.
Oppositional Defiance Disorder,
* Frequent and/or extreme temper tantrums
* Tendency to be easily annoyed by others
* Blatant refusal to comply with household or school rules
* Takes argumentative stance with adults
* Rude, uncooperative and confrontational attitude
* Use of mean-spirited language when upset
* Deliberate attempts to upset and annoy others
* Frequent bursts of anger or resentful attitude
* Tendency to place blame on others
* Outward and belligerent defiance
* Revengeful attitude
http://www.kidsbehaviour.co.uk/Oppositiona...isorderODD.html
Hard to tell what is an autisitc meltdown and what is ODD though. i'm no expert but i know a parent with an ODD kid so i will ask him for further information if you are still stuck.
Alexis
PS was worried you would be angry at me for the way i replied.
Have had a look at ODD and feel it may be appropriate, I'll go to my GP this week and see about getting a referal, my GP is great, really listens to me, knows I research eveything and trusts me to make informed choices, I then trust him to make informed choices too.
it just sounded like OP kid. If hes not obsessive or literal he could be ADHD. There are 6 forms of ADHD according to one siteWhat are these different types of ADHD?
* "Inattentive": Just like Winnie the Pooh
* "Classic Hyperactive": Tiggers like to bounce...
* "Over-Focused": Rabbit tends his garden
* "With Anxiety": Piglet is nervous and worries...
* "With Depression": Eeyore says, "Thanks for noticing me..."
http://newideas.net/adhd/different-types-adhd i guess you need to keep an eye on his school reports and see if the symptoms of ODD/ADHD come up a lot.
Alexis
She seems to, not have one of those characteristics, but all of them on different days. They are great comaprisons. Thank you.
I think there are some things that are not acceptable. Being violent to or saying horrible things about her sister are not acceptable. If other people think it is funny, they are rewarding her for doing it and making it acceptable.Perhaps you should forewarn everyone that they must not accept it, they must state that it is not acceptable. If I were you I would clearly state that it is not acceptable and "punish" her when she is violent/horrible to her (eg: withdraw your attention from her and give it to her sister, or send her to her room/stairs). Get her to apologise to her sister if at all possible. At the same time, make sure you do things with just the two of them (especially things that she likes doing). Give lots of praise for things that she can do to help her sister during this time. Overdo the praise anytime she is even vaguely nice to her sister. (Have you ever seen Supernanny on TV? She often deals with situations like this).
You also need to make sure her sister does not do things that wind her up. That is not acceptable either.
You can't make her LIKE her sister (though there are things you can do to help), but you can make sure she knows what behaviour is unacceptable.
You will probably find that her eldest sister makes allowances for her; that she makes allowances for her younger brother (as he is so young and a boy), but because she is closer in age, she clashes most with that sister.
I have three boys - two are twins and two have AS, so we have had a lot of "it's not fair". I always say they get rewards for the things that they find hard - so it is not the same for each of them.
I get "It's not fair" alot, from my elsest. Even after letting her read this, to try to give her a little insight into how i'm feeling and how much of a muddle my own head is in... She still thinks "It's still not fair".
She knows it is unaccepatble, I try to get that through to her on a daily basis. She canot hurt someone like that, but it doesn;t do any good. I eel like i'm away over my head in this one.
Totally agree with Kazzen and Suze here. Although it is perfectly acceptable to make reasonable adjustments for anyone with a disability it is totally unacceptable to reinforce, tolerate or allow this kind of behaviour. There is no way at all that I would allow any of my children to be referred to as a nemesis. If this continues goodness only knows what being referred to as ‘her nemesis’ is going to do to your youngest daughter.I have had this and some. I have two autistic sons, both of whom I love dearly, the elder of the two never liked or got on with my youngest. It got to the point that I could not leave them alone in a room together. So I did not. As he got older my eldest’s levels of aggression really did get worse and I was really scared about what my eldest might do to his younger brother. I had never encouraged my eldest’s behaviour and I had always left him in no doubt that I was not happy about the way in which he was/treated his younger brother. I am aware that autistic children often do not like babies and younger children because they are noisy and unpredictable. I made allowances for this but no matter what my youngest did or said as he got older, his elder brother found it objectionable and I frankly found that objectionable. My youngest had his own bag of issues and I was not having those issues made worse by my eldest and it was no way to live. I really stood up to my eldest and left him in no doubt that his attitude towards his brother was not going to continue, to the point that the moment he started to say something that I knew was going to be insulting he was told to leave the room. I made it clear that if our youngest was annoying him that he had a room and he was to stay in it. OK so that meant that I was isolating him from the rest of the family but I was past caring about that. My eldest always felt that he was fully entitled to say or do what he wanted to his brother and that it was OK. It was not. I started sanctioning him and once we started on our zero tolerance regimes we stuck with it. We had some massive meltdowns but never backed down.
I would certainly have a word with everyone who thinks that it is amusing to her your younger daughter referred to as a nemesis. My Mother used to make excuses for my eldest or laugh and say that he did not mean what he was saying about his brother. He did. I told my Mum that she either supported me of she stopped seeing my eldest until I had stamped his unwanted behaviour out. My Mum chose to support me and that really did help.
I made a point of spending quality time with both of my sons but I did increase the amount of time I spent with my youngest and made it clear to him that I was not going to have him being treated in such a terrible way by his brother. Even though my youngest is autistic he was fully aware of what was happening in our house. He is 12 now and we often talk about the way things used to be with the emphasis on ‘used to be’. The good news is that we got there in the end but it did take a long time and we are talking years as opposed to months but we never took our foot off the pedal once we made the decision that things had to change. My eldest is 22 now and even admits to loving his younger brother now. He can still be domineering but not just with our youngest with all of us and I do accept that in part that is part of his character; however my son is fully aware that he is not the boss in this house and never will be.
Cat
Thanks for sharing, I feel i've tried everything, but there must be something I haven't tried.
Punishments don't seem to work with her, rewards work slightly better so I tend to stick with them, but every now and then it all gets too much and I can't ignore behavior lie this. I love them all so much and it hurts to see one of my kids hurting and belittling the other.
She sometimes has moments of clarity, were she listens and agrees with my side of the arguement. But as soon as she's back with her sister, it all goes horribly wrong.
Its my Mum more than anyone, she makes too many allowances, treats it like its ok an d my wee girl will just have to toughen up.
For this reason my Mum doesn't look after them anymore, I need someone to stand ehind me, not stand against me.
But then, Mum not having the kids anymore has really hurt too, as she is the only person that has ever looked after them. So I now get no breaks from them, and the tension does mount in the house.
It also means Mass punishment, as my eldest calls it. lol. If we were going somewhere, ie, the park or butterfly house or somewhere. And S goes off on one at her sster, I say, No park. But its no park for everyone, not just her, so not really effective.
She is going gluten and ceasien free as of tomorrow, it'll be interesting to see how this affects her.
I'm also putting my son on the same diet as although he only has very few, he has a couple of the same traits. Nothing solid enough for dx, but its there, the tantrums, the sorting, the only eating a certain amount of foods. He would pas the test (can't remember the name of it, but the one where he interacts with a person who asks set questions, the one with the teapot and "show me" questions. He's a strange one, starts nursery tomorrow, we'll see how he goes.
Thank you all for your posts, they have given me alot to think about, but I know that its not just my wee girl now, and that at least is some comfort.
Kat xx
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Cead mille failte
Enjoy Dublin, sure i'm only up the road.
Good luck with the move, I'm house hunting at the moment.
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Thank you all. For the hugs and the understanding.
trekster, thanks for the insight, she get praise for everything, but maybe no more than my other 3, but as, in my eyes, she has achieved more, she gets more of it. (This has at times made the others resentful, ie "we don't get a prize for doing that")
I encorage them all to be individuals.
She doesn't eat alot, she smells everything I try to put in her food, I tried slipping a few different tonics in her food and drink. She knows and refuses.
She has never had any kind of medication, even paracetamol, she smells it. (even calpol in strawberry jelly and neurofen in orage jelly)
I'll certainly try the gluten free and dairy free thing. (Can you get dairy free chocolate spread??)
What is ODD? Excuse my ignorance, please.
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I am the proud mother of 3 girls and 1 boy. My second oldest is 11, she was diagnosed before she was 3 with Autism. Since then I have raised her the best I could and the same as her siblings. I have had no contact since the time of her dx with any doctors or social services. Except through the school, yes she is a picky eater, yes she likes to go off on her own, yes she has the tantrums. I have coped with all this and am really proud of her, she has come on so far.
I feel as if I have no right complaining about her, as I know so many have much bigger problems to face, and i'm not looking for sympathy I really don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying all over my keyboard.
She hates her 6 year old sister, and i mean hates. She always has, I hoped, but never really believed, that she'd grow out of it, but its got worse.
She is constantly violent and puts her down all the time. In the 6 years she's had a little sister, she has never called her by her name. Its heartbreaking to watch.
I really don't know what to do. She calls her, her nemisis. Everyone else thinks its funny, its really not. She plots ways for her to die and sometimes I'm scared she will really try.
I'm at the end of my really long tether. I'm sorry for ranting, and know there's no quick fix, but it has helped clear my head a little typing all this.
:wallbash: :wallbash: Thanks for listening
Kat xx
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Kathy Hoopman also wrote All dogs have ADHD, I found it insightful, funny and very easy to read, unlike some other books.
I never thought of sharing these books with the kids.
Another good one, if you haven't already read it is Dasha's Journal by T O Daria. Dasha the cat has pets, mother, father, lisa and Alex. Alex has Autism. I loved reading this as I could just imagine some of the thought our cat must have on a daily basis.
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I can very rarely get S to brush her teeth, but never with the rest of my kids as she says she can taste the smell of thier tooth paste.
She will only do it in the evening. Her teacher, last year started a tooth brushing programme in school along with her whole class, but her new teacher just doesn't seem to have the time. Her TA takes her out every morning to do it, but she hates it as she feels like everyone is watching her leave the classroom. She could do with a brace, but until she's brushing regularly there is no point.
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As with Paula's post, this is only my opinion. I think the research is great, it won't make a difference to me and mine, but if it prevents another family having to cope with Autism, then it's worth it. The health autority should stop the vacines even if there is a small chance there might be a problem. Who are they to mess with others lives like that, If they aren't stopped, people should be informed about the possible risks and given an alternitive if they wish.
I whole heartedly believe that the MMR triggered my wee ones autism. She was late in getting it and was developing fine until then.
Research is good, debate is great as it opens the doors for more reasearch.
Again, this is only my opinion.
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This is a very interesting topic for me, as my daughter, as well as the autism, also is registered partially sighted and blind in one eye. She was born with cateracts and after surgery the scar tissue built up. anyway, she wears glasses and i have been wondering recently if a tint in her lenses would help. I have googled, but still can't get my head round it. Should I mention it to the optician? Are there tests he could do to see if it may help?
Thanks
WK
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Hi, I'm new to the forum, but this really struck me. My 11 yr old girl hates hair washing/cutting and nails are just a no no.
I bought ducks. She will get into a few inches of water now with the ducks about 50 odd ducks by now, no exageration... they get kept in the "ducksack"
Up until this summer baths were just not happening, I had to get in the shower with her, she needed the security of me holding her while the water was on. Since I bought the ducks, she'll get into the bath and i have been leaving the mixer tap on at a trickle. When she gets out, I point out how high the water was and tell her how much more fun the ducks have when there's a little more water in. I think the amount of them i bought shocked and surprised her into letting her gaurd down long enough to get her interested.
She has really curly hair, and brushing it was a nightmare, but this year has also changed that a lot. Last year, I had to brush her hair when we got to school outside the classroom, not before and not on weekends. Her older sister this year has taken to going to the hair dressers to get her hair done, S went with her once, just to watch. She came home and asked could she "buy straight hair" well out came my straightners... she now get it done everyday before school, it means getting up an extra 20 mins early, but hey.... what ever works right? She's happy enough. I even managed to fine comb it the other day without all the usual screaming, crying and abuse that i would've usually got.
Still can't cut her nails, she just refuses, although they don't seem to need done. There is just war if one of her toe nails get broken and needs cut. She doesn't sleep a whole lot and when she does, if i go near her feet, she moves them.
I'm so glad i'm not alone in all this. Finding this forum has been so good. I spent most of last night just reading older topics. Its better than any book on ASD i have found.
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Hi all, my name is Kat. I have 4 children aged 12 11 6 and 3. My 11 year old was diagnosed aged 3 with Autism, She has come on leaps and bounds, is high functioning and in her last year of mainstream primary school. She lkeeps up with her peers in school and is looking forward to "big school" next year.
She is being re assesed in a few weeks, to keep her statement right for transfer to secondary. This is the first assesment she has had since she was first diagnosed. Actually its the first contact with the doctors since her first assesment, I think her diagnosis may be changed to Asperagers.
I have found it hard to broach the subject with her, that she is in anyway different than my other 3. She is treated the same at home and gets help at school, but does the same as her classmates.
She is well behaved in school, but seems to change instantly on getting home. She hates her younger sister, and I don't mean dislikes, I mean hates. She spends alot of time at home thinking of ways to get rid of her, she calls her, her nemisis.
She is fussy with food, only eating one kind of chicken nuggets and micro chips at home, although at school she'll eat burgers and sausages too.
She won't wear clothes with any pictures or writing on and has to have at least one thing on her with stripes.
I went to a meeting a few years ago of a local support group, but they seemed so negative, it broke my heart and I swore I would never go back. This forum seems to be different and I hope to introduce my daughter to it too. She loves her laptop.
I'm looking forward to getting to know other people who may know how It is, and people who are willing to tell me off when I get a bit down.... not that often, because one thing my daughter does is make me laugh at least once a day, she is so witty and just say's it how it is.
Anyway Hola
K xx
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I'm at my wits end
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School won't be a problem, packed lunch, with, bottle of water, gluten free bread and ham sandwhiches or chocolate spread ( dairy free) and a few peices of fruit. She has always wanted packed lunches anyway, and this would be all she's take. She doesn't eat chrisps or bars.
Home, thas will be fun. Her usual dinner, micro chips and chicken dippers. (apostrophes she calls them) No other chip or nugget will do. The odd time she'll have sausage, burger or fish finger. All of these i have just bought from the "free from" range at tesco. Going to sainsburys tomorrow to see what they have.
She sometimes eats home made chips and mashed potatoes so happy days.
I took all chemicals and tin foils out of my house a few years back, I make my own cleaners for the house. Never thought of shampoo, will look into it now.
Will also call into holland and barratt tomorrow to see about supplements.
Will keep you posted week by week and see how we go.
At least it has given me something positive to do, I felt really helpless the other day, when I started this thread.
You have all given me food for thought and alot of help.
Thank you all.
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