KEW

Its like XMen, except its ASD Men

I guess I was just angry about it all really. You are right in that I should probably be more gracious if he is looking ill, but I was just frustated. As I said earlier we have just came back from a little break away, which I think we needed. Thanks for replying and I must say I do envy your "spidy" senses! Take care <'> <'>

Hey Delyth I guess any realationship isnt easy right? I think Ive had my off day and feel better now. We have just came back from a trip to Holland that was pretty good. Dont get me wrong he wasnt being mr socialable, but he was ok. And I love him lots, so I guess whatever happens it will all be ok.

Hi Tally Thats sounds exactly like him. I think you are right that I am "second guessing" what he is feeling. We will look up anixety.

Hi Kazzen Thanks for your reply. Yeah we have talked about it, and he just finds the noise stressful and the people. His suggestions is for me to take a paper as he has nothing to say! Bit harsh I think A quieter cafe is in order

Hi Baddad. Thanks for your reply. The issues have always been there, and for the most dont bother me. I like to do my own thing often, and understand when he doesn't want socialse and its ok, and I have told him that. For his part, he does try and some out when I ask him to. Say to a party or something, although it is quite stressfull from when he knows about it till it happens. I try and give him as much notice as I can. I guess the thing I find most frustrating is that I understand it when its new/other people, but I dont when its just me and him and the only person he has to talk to is me. Its hard when the person sitting scross from you goes grey and is stressing out. Its hard to watch and know you cant help at all.

OAASIS - Thanks for your reply. I know about the sensory issues and the communication stuff. I guess sometimes I just find it frustrating. I know i shouldn't but I do. The leaflets are very useful. Thanks.

Chris - thanks for the reply. I know what you are saying, but I dont want him to be anyone but him, I really just wish I could help him relax. After I had posted this morning I felt terrible for saying all those things. I guess it will take a while to understand it. I can go out with friends or on my own (I often do), but I really enjoy his company and I just wish he could be like he is at home when we go out. Oh I dunno, maybe I was just having an off day myself.

Hi All Im fairly new to this forum. Long story short, my OH recently (within 6 months) found out he has aspergers. To be fair not officially diagnosed, but reading all the Tony Ayywood books, it was as if they were written for him. He is 35. Anyway obviously Ive always known the way he is (been together for 6 years), and felt once we had discovered aspergers that I understood him more, so it helped our relationship. Well that lasted for only a few months. I get soooo annoyed with him. He never wants to do anything, or leave the house. Last weekend we went out for breakfast to our usual cafe. Now he is never that good in public places, but ive learnt to deal with it and now I guess I know why he is like that. However it was particulary busy that day and he was getting on my nerves!!! On the way there he was ok, and then when we went in he started looking really sick, and pretty much the whole time we were in there didn't look at me (head facing down whole time), and hardly said 2 words. ARGH!!!! All around me where people chatting and laughing away and here I am sitting with someone who cant even smile at me. I kep thinking about how life would be if I wasnt with someone like him. And that made me feel really guilty. Literally as soon as we left and made it back to the car (ie when noone else was around), he gets all hyper and trying to joke around. I was soooo pissed off. Why cant he just chill out in public. Is it me? It this whole aspergers thing just his way of covering up the fact that he doesnt want to be with me? He gets soo ill looking whenever we are out. People (friends - if we are lucky enough to be out with them which is extremly rare) say to him you look awful. Someone please help me cause I fell awful even writing this stuff, but he is really aggrevating me. The whole thing is! But when hes good (like at home) he is amazing and i love him. I just want him to be relaxed all the time whatever we do. Sorry for ranting I just need to get it out.

Hi all, Thanks for your words of wisdom. I dont think we will go and get a diagnosis, I dont think there will be too much benefit. Its safe to say havng read lots of books, that he fits the descriptions and that is enough for us. We will keep reading and take on baord any advice that helps. It has helped our relationship too, as I used to get soooooo frustrated with certain things, like not looking at me when I talked to him etc. Now that we have both read about the lack of eye contact I tell him when its important and he makes an effort to do it, by the same token I dont get so frustrated when he doesnt. The poster who says we all have ASD traits is absolutely right. We have christened it asparagus, and when he is being overly affected (like obsessing with autotrader online), I says "asparagus" and he gets it. When I get all "dont touch me", cause I do sometimes weirdly enough, he calls me "asparagus". Its hard though as he was recently off work for a few days due to an injury, and he seemed so much happier. I think he hates work as he's around so many people who all ask him to do different things and he finds it difficult to talk to them. When he went back, I noticed a big change in him. But you know, we have to work to pay the bills. Hopefully as time goes on, everything will get better, as I think it s already.

Sorry i should probably mention he is 34.

Hi all, I am new to this forum. My partner and I have come to the conclusion that he has Aspergers. We've been together for about 6 years, and I have thought for most of taht time that he may have aspergers having read about it early on, however it is only recently that he has begun to accept it. I mentioned it years ago, and he dismissed it, then we never talked about it again until recently. He is dsylexic, and has been having troubles in work over the last few years, and it came to a head over the last few months when he begun drinking agsin after a 6 year abstinence. When he drinks he goes way overboard and is really reckless. We talked about the drinking and decided that there was something behind it, which we suspected was his dsylexia. We found a help group, which amazingly he went along too, and they mentioned associated conditions such as Aspergers. We have now been reseaching it, and read a number of books, and its amazing! Its as if they are writing about him! Its describes him socially, emotionally, his little things he does when anxious, his anixety, his "super" senses, his high pain barrier, his lack of I love you! Where do we go from here? He has changed a lot within the last 6 years, I think he has learnt a lot and seems more confident. and he tells me that he recognises his early years from the descriptions of children within the books. Although he is still very anxious in social situations and this is a real hinder to him. He constantly feels stupid, which I hate as I know he's not. Is a diagonsis important? What can of help can you expect? I read somewhere that you are registered as having a disabilty and I dont think that this would be helpful to him. I think it would make him feel more different. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. K