Hi there,
My name is Steve, i'm 26 and two months ago i was told that i probably have Aspergers and ADD. I battled for a year to get assessed and i literally had to shout at my doctor to get her to refer me. It was a great relief to finally be given some sort of explanation for the way i am and it was a huge weight of my shoulders after all these years.
Before Christmas 2006 i could barely go in a pub, couldnt talk to people or look them in the eye. I would shy away from any social situation because i couldnt find the words for people. My life was awfull, i would hide upstairs if we had friends at our house and be unwilling to join in. I felt uncomfortable everywhere. Then that Christmas i randomly met a group of people of my age group that had similar interests as me (Football, Music) and i think they took pitty on my and started inviting me out with them. It was a huge struggle at first but i made myself carry on because i could feel progress being made. I would walk to the pub to meet them and literally be shaking and wanting to turn back by the time i got there. Socialising was extremely hard at first and i would find myself sitting there getting slowly drunk saying absolutely nothing to anyone and nearly falling asleep. (Alchohol does nothing for me apart from make me tired)
Time went on and i got a lot better but today i'm still quiet unless i can talk about my interests. My social imagination seems to be missing. I have been doing a lot of thinking about it recently and it occured to me that i was unable to do English and English Lit at School, and i actually didnt write a single word on my Lit exam paper because i didnt know what to say. Other subjects were not a problem.
I have big problems when i am one on one with people keeping a conversation going and being fluent. I dont think i have explained myself very well at all to be honest lol, but i dont know where to take this from here. I would like to be formally diagnosed but how do i go about it? Its horrid because people think i am a regular weirdo but i know i am not, i can feel my brain trying to work the way it should but it doesnt. I'm not shy or unconfident, i am infact a DJ part time, it seems that when comes to being social my thoughts are not there. (Rather than being to shy to talk, i dont have anything to say)
I also have memory problems, i find it very hard to read, i have to read things 5 or 6 times before it goes in. School was hard and i quit college last year due to anxiety and not being able to keep up or socialise with others.
Any help would be much appreciated. :-)
