WhishingWell

No, thanks for the replies. I have seen someone for a sort of quick assessment thing... not clear what it was. but i found it very confusing and rushed. i talked and talked and talked but didn't get much back, apart from apparently i'm not good at interrupting other peoples intentions (which i already knew and said so myself.) i have once been to the doctors about depression and they offered me cognitive therapy... i think. which i wasnt interested in. i'm very close to my mum and she is a counselor, so when seeing another i feel like i have heard it all before, its just words. i'm aware that there will always be a limit to which she can help me as she is my parent, but i really can't imagine anyone more understanding of myself. i guess i can't imagine anything anyone could possibly say to help my state of mind, yet i always ramble on to everyone in hope that they may. however, i've decided i'm going to go back to the doctors for counseling hopefully.

Hello i'm Erin i feel i need a little rant... i'm 20 and my parents are convinced i have traits of aspergers. i very much relate to this forum. but not having a definite diagnosis bothers me as i have such a strong belief that my paranoia, anxiety and perfectism is just down to lack of intelligence. being labelled as aspergers may result in me being not so hard on myself. i'm extremely unconfident and don't like to try anything new or that involves pressure which really hold me back. i can come across as confident and i'm especially confident and open with talking about myself and my feelings as i obsess and over analyze my actions constantly. i feel i am very self obsessed. as i like to observe people and use this to help me socially, but its not enough, i can be distant and my paranoia can ruin friendships. this really upsets me as i am a people pleaser. if i don't eat i can turn into a monster and its really difficult when people don't understand how urgently i sometimes need food often and can panic about it. my friends see me as a just a hypochondriac. as my mum is a councilor/hypnotherapist who works with a range of people including aspergers, my friends thinks she puts ideas in my head. i know i am a hypochondriac, but it is because i am anxious person. i can get extremely depressed but i feel people think it somehow attention seeking as im open about it. i feel like a ticking bomb that can go off at anytime, when i get down i find my feelings are very extreme, i become very rigid and see no way out, i constantly think about death it terrifies yet fascinates me. i don't like doing anything that puts me in danger, however i drink silly amounts in order to loose control and do worryingly things, act unexplainable and become extremely confused, but this doesn't stop me from continuing to drink. i like to daydream a huge amount and my imagination uncontrollable and feel i misuse it. art was my only passion and i took it very seriously but my high expectations and perfectionism have ruin my confidence and ability to draw and now i will not do anything remotely artistic! i have the belief if other people do things better than you why bother doing it too, which i know is a negative attitude to have. i can't handle boredom, i become self destructive or my imagination takes over. i'm extremely stubborn, if i don't see the point in something there is no way i will willingly do it, which can hold me back. i will not do anything that involves any sort or pressure, which is a little limiting. the worse thing i guess is that on the surface i can come across as calm and confident. i also come across as odd because i am very literal and daydreamy. people find me very odd but they say it is amusing and intriguing. i have learnt to find myself amusing too. underneath i feel a complete mess, i feel like i'm mentally losing it, but this is probably a result of my overactive imagination. i could go on and on, but i am boring myself and probably others!