hello. i've literally failed at everything. i've wasted 3 years of university and god knows how much on tutitions fees, i dare not look. i cannot tell you how depressing it is to waste all that time and not even come away with a single friend either. i was tested at university for dyslexia because i am so slow but that didnt help either because it was my final month of university and i could not imagine going back to university to resit almost every module alone again.
i dont think i failed because i was dumb or anything, i think i was just severly depressed because after 3 years in my class i was still all alone. i cannot tell you how hard it is for me to make friends. some days in class everyone was knee deep into conversation while i was sitting there just looking around, and i just walked out, and no-one asked where i was going, they didnt even asked me the next day either where i went.
it has been the same moslty throughout most of my life. even through school where i thought everything was okay, but has anyone been ditched by poeple you know? and i dont mean on purpose because they hate you, just because you dont mean a lot. i still have dreams of this happening, i end up trying to search for them everywhere. this bit is confusing but i dont know how else to put it.
im 25 and i cant remember ever having a proper conversation, ive seen people do it and i just cant get around it, i dont know how people are able to even make eye contact, i absolutely hate doing it.
i want to get a referral but, i've already been to my doctor and he just laughed me off. and even if i did get a referral i just dont see how it could help me.
zed.
