BFrench501

Probably a tad late to the topic but thought I'd add my piece. I'm echoing what's already been said in that your highest percentage chance lies in meeting people who have something in common. Do not under any circumstances try to use nightclubs or pubs as a way of attracting someone for a relationship. It will mess your head up if they use you, and not to stereotype all people because not all are bad, but a lot don't want relationships etc. I always found that playing music was a great help in my slightly younger years (17-21) because I met a lot of women through it. I met an ex through music and kissed a LOT of girls. I am not proud of that by the way, but what I'm saying is that you can have confidence in something you love, and if you do it well then people will take a liking to you straight away. Then it's up to you to tell what she is after. A dating site is a very good option if you do struggle. But choose one that is low cost because I really don't trust in a lot of the sites legitimacy. Been on one site before where I've had messages from 'super-hot' girls although to me, child-like skinny and blonde isn't attractive. It would just make me feel like a paedophile and also, they're fake so I'd also feel like an idiot for following up something so blatant. I used Plentyoffish which is free. Yes there are a lot of twirps on there but there are a few gems. My fiancee came from that site, and I knew just by looking at her that she would be the person I would find true love with. But it takes time - don't message people who type only a few lines and definitely don't message people who seem like they are just out for themselves. You need somebody who can understand you. Sorry if some of what I've said isn't 100% appropriate, but I'm just trying to be honest and give my own tuppence on the situation I have myself been in before... Good luck Baz

Thanks for messages of support and kindness once again. Went for final scan and there was no tissue left, so that was a relief. J is feeling better by the day both physically and emotionally so that is good news. I've suggested getting counselling or support but J doesn't like the 'so how do you feel?' stuff that they do when it's obvious how you feel. I know there's more to it than that but J doesn't want it so I have to understand that.

This thread hasn't gone ignored, I just haven't been able to really respond as I don't know how to put things. A lot has happened the past two weeks and unfortunately ended in tragedy. I eventually came round to the idea of being a dad. Thanks in part to the posts here and also because I refuse to be a person who basically runs away from responsibility. I love my fiance and I needed to support her. It wouldn't be without it's difficulties but I would feel worse knowing I had a child who was roaming the earth, and I wouldn't know who it was. It didn't hit me really until complications set in. Last wednesday me and my fiance went to watch Shrek Forever After (good film by the way!) and she was spotting and had stomach cramp. Took her to hospital and I was in bits because I was so scared for her as she was in pain. This was a first sign that I was getting used to the idea...but it was when we went for a scan last Friday that I was finally happy to become a dad. The scan was to see what the bleeding was like - turned out that it was an implantation bleed and not a miscarriage as I was scared would be the case. When I saw the scan my face lit up and it finally felt real - it felt good!!! However fiance's bleeding and abdominal pains got worse and more intense/excruciating. Went to the Royal Infirmary on Monday PM and it was discovered that my fiance had had a miscarriage :'( I've found this easier than her to cope with which is natural. But I feel guilty and helpless, and still frustrated that I've lost something. I realise it is not a child at 6 weeks pregnant but it does not make things any easier. This morning is going to be tough - we have a final scan at 8.30am which will determine if any of the pregnancy is left inside my fiance. If it is, they may have to induce labour to get rid of the remains or they may have to do a scrape. She's been passing a lot last night, 4 times in a matter of 30 minutes getting rid of a lot of tissue. I hope that's the end of it. Sorry for another ramble...and thanks to those who messaged me here and privately for their support and help in tough times. I've learned a lot this past few weeks...

I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 months now and I proposed to her early as a statement of intent that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Luckily she accepted and all was good, until Wednesday just gone when she revealed that she was over 3 weeks pregnant. Too much, too soon and I am totally scared. I've been as careful as can be protection wise and I've been unlucky. I despise children and their behaviour because it triggers my Aspergers something rotten, and I don't want to lose what has taken so much time to build up. So all in all I'm really scared and need some help. I don't know where to start as things haven't really sunk in yet, so sorry if this is brief. But if anyone can ask me any prompting questions or anything I may think more about this. My girlfriend is a rock, but I need outside help as really she needs to depend on me as she's carrying the child, and not the other way round I should be overjoyed, but my hearts turned to stone and I feel horrible because of it

As half of my other posts have mentioned, I have took up American Pool as an active interest and something I want to be proficient enough at to become a professional. I was wondering how many others here are trying to become proficient at their own chosen sport. Reason I ask about sport specifically is because I am having certain mental difficulties while playing that I think are exaggerated by my Aspergers. For example, I am great when I am ahead but when I am behind I don't just get sullen, but it is hard for me to get out of a losing mentally for as long as a day after a match I play. I don't like feeling how I do sometimes after I lose, more because of my low standard when I lose. I can take losing when I play well but playing bad does my head in. I've tried things such as treating every shot as the last shot you're going to get, playing the table and ignoring the opponent. All these things are just very difficult to get a grasp of properly and to embrace in my game. I need to be very strong psycholically to survive and to compete, but I don't quite have the tools or experience. Do any of you compete in sports for more than just 'fun'? And if so, can you make any suggestions as to how to improve a mental state mid-match? I don't want to run off high energy all the time, it's detrimental to my game but don't know how to change it...

Hi Bloodheart, I've had same problems with you and employment, only I've been in and out of jobs the past 18 months for various reasons. To answer your initial question - should or shouldn't you mention Aspergers? - I think that it is always best to be honest and open about Aspergers but always promote the positive effects that Aspergers can have in the workplace. It is vital that they know what they are taking on but its also vital that they know that you can cope. It is a difficult question though as many employers do discriminate in my opinion, despite not being allowed to do so by law. I have an interview with HSBC on Tuesday, and I've made them aware of my condition. I have made them aware about my eye contact and that sometimes it can be fleeting but this isn't as a sign of disrespect, it's just 'one of those things' that comes with my Aspergers. A coping mechanism I use in interviews to avoid eye contact was to look at their foreheads, but sometimes I can go deep in thought and lose the coping mechanism. But give it a go!! This mechanism gives them an impression that you are looking at them, but in reality you may as well be looking at the floor! I find it easier to look if the person interviewing me is attractive! Could you ask for a screen to be put between you and the interviewer for the roleplay? So it seems a little more 'real'? When I was interviewed for a job at Remploy I was allowed to have a screen between me and the panel for the roleplay part of the interview. I know thats not the issue but more training, but again why not see if the same adjustment can be put into place. If they standardise it for the whole group so you don't look like a 'special case' (as I've been labelled as before) then the anxiety will be lessened. If it cannot be done at all then just consider this very simple point - do you really think the rest of the group in training will enjoy doing roleplays in front of everybody else who can scrutinise their performance if they so wish? The answer should be no. It is an awkward situation for anybody as we rarely 'pretend' to do something. It fights against our mind and the way it works but the truth is that nobody is comfortable. Use it as a learning experience, battle the anxiety as far as you can and listen and observe everybody else, because they may well have a great technique you can knick and use to give you better performance! If you used to work for the JobCentre, then you will know about the WorkStep program for those who have health conditions, disabilities or other complex barriers to get back into work. Go get in contact with Remploy and let them help you gain the confidence you need. Or indeed try and seek another provider. I really would suggest you use some kind of employment service to help you. I was the same as you, you think you have all the tools and all the knowledge to get a job but you deem yourself unlucky perhaps? Whether I'm right or wrong I have to be blunt and say this, you probably do not possess the knowledge for job applications that you think you do. You cannot only have 4 interviews in two years if your applications are spot on. Get a 2nd opinion which is a bit more objective, I'm sure they will find many ways to improve your applications etc. Message me in private and we'll see if we can swap our application forms and see what you can improve on? This is why I highly recommend Remploy because they give you the skills but in a way that are actually useable, not like JCP who just throw the textbook at you and don't make knowledge applicable. I'm sorry if what I said seems harsh, it isn't meant nastily but I was exactly the same as you. And believe me, I was helped out an awful lot and that was with a dog awful reference from the company I worked for in 2007. Have you looked at job trials as an alternative to interviews? Not that I'm a fan of them myself, I see it as total exploitation. But you may have different opinion/taste. Sorry for long post, hope some of it is of help to you Barry

I kinda got told off for my last post as it named and shamed an employer I used to work for, so I'll avoid the issue of employment and ask again about how you guys manage your 'special interest'? I play American Pool in Leicester to a pretty good standard - I've been told I have a future in the game and if I work hard enough I can reap rewards. This is great, but what I am worried about is that the rest of my life is being impacted by my pool. I personally do not see anything wrong with playing pool 4 days out of 7 (2x league, 1x coaching session and 1x practise session/money match). I'd argue this isn't enough time really, but I have a girlfriend to try and take care of and I don't want to lose her. But the thing is that when I'm not playing pool I am thinking about it. I even perform pattern runouts and drills in my sleep, and I've played whole games in my sleep and then I wake up just wanting to play pool - sometimes to the point where I can be very furstrated that I'm unable to play. Of course my obsession/addiction is not unhealthy in the same sense as alcohol/drugs/gambling etc but nonetheless it's an addiction, and I do fear slightly that I may get even more carried away and start playing more days and really antagonise my gf. I know that I am better than all this 9-5 for the rest of my life stuff in the long run. I know I have a special talent which needs to be nurtured in the right way. I feel that there's a destiny that is waiting to be fulfilled. I feel inside that I have to have the right to pursue this interest as far as I can go. I took darts seriously and reached the pro ranks before dartitis put paid to me ever throwing darts again. And anything I've applied myself to I've always exceeded at, but always did team games or music with bands and felt vulnerable. I have a game which is all about me and what i do, and if I fail it is my fault. But I don't think i can fail and if I do, I will fail better next time until I do not fail. It's just annoying that I have this fire but it burns in all of my life. Sometimes I want to switch off and just not think about it, but it does seem to be cropping up in all conversations, during my sleep, on the internet the first thing I look for on youtube is pool videos. As soon as I see the spots and stripes my mind is all about pool. And while not dangerous to society, can it be potentially dangerous for me? A little jumbled and epic posting, sorry about that MAybe i should type in laymans terms but I can't get out what I feel that way. Cheers for reading guys BF

Hi folks I'm am adult with Aspergers Syndrome, and I was looking for the right resource to join and to discuss AS, and of course day to day things with people who either have an ASD, or know somebody with one. I'm 24 years old and have had a fairly eventful life - both good and bad! I hope to be able to write about my successes and difficulties as time goes by on here. I will be posting a lot as I'm very passionate to understand myself as fully as possible. And I want to get to know other people here, so I hope you don't mind. I won't be spamming and I certainly won't be writing total garbage, I just want to enjoy my time here as best as I can. My interest at the moment is playing American Pool. I have always had obsessions in my life but one thing that has remained constant is my love for cue sports like Snooker, Billiards and Pool. I don't know if it's the colours of the balls and cloth (playing on red tables makes me aggressive but I love green and light blue cloths), the maths behind the angles, the artistry or the ability to communicate without the need to talk that has always appealed, but one thing I know for certain is that pool has never been a fad. So it's time to put this life long passion into action and try to fulfil my belief that 9-5 work is not all I am capable of doing! I work for Remploy who deal with getting disabled people, those with health conditions and complex barriers back into employment. So if anybody has any questions, or they haven't come across Remploy before then please get in touch as I'd love to help. I hope to stick around for sometime, and I hope you will find having me around as fun as it is for me to be here with so many people I share something in common with. Be lucky Barry (Leicestershire)