minime

Thanks for that insight. Its the kind of stuff I am looking for. Relating the defintitions to actual senarios makes it easier for me to try and understand the complexities of what is actually going on.

Thanks for your personal thoughts. I definately havent ruled him out and I said to him when he told me he thought he had AS that "I didnt know what all the fuss was about". He also said he needed time to sort himself out. If you like someone you can stick what ever label on it and to me you will still like them. So I agree with you. I am now using emails to ask questions which seems to be a better approach easier for him to digest. He does come out with his feelings but sometimes counteracts it with saying but maybe thats the way I think I should be feeling!! Hopefully with time he will be able to reflect and make a decision based on what he actual feels and wants.

Hi Caroline Thanks for all of that very helpful. I have started to email instead and it has proved a better way of communicating with his feelings. One of the other things that has come up is that his poor time management is due to the need he has at being angry with himself. Any thoughts? I have bought a book on CBT he has tried it but not found it very useful. He feels like some of the therapy is insulting his inteligence

I am speechless open mouthed with laughter out loud. What if you can only afford biscuits? lol.. I know use my imagination and lateral thinking I feel that there is always a solution to a problem

I Love the way you are expressing yourself. I am just wondering wether the practical help of counselling etc actually works or is it really just down to acceptance by the NT partner as the best solution to a happier relationship? Also RE: prev post about time keeping issues. Is it really the case that an AS person has to finish what they are doing no matter what? Even if there are alarms going off tell them they have to leave to be on time do they still have to finish what they are doing? Can counselling change this behaviour? My boyfriend says to me he always feels quilty he is late so that doesnt help him!! I try not to set a times now with him so then there arnt expectations on both sides but thats just not practical long term. Any suggestions? Thanks

Hi Caroline So in this situation how would your approach be different what would you actually do in real terms with an AS child compared with an NT child? Thanks

RE:

Very funny. Humour solves alot !! Thanks for that insight it has giving me a better understanding and I agree blokes are just blokes lol lesbians all the way he he

I hear what you are saying and the key being acceptance in all of this. He did say that if we got a hse together it would be different and as I was cooking in his hse he felt that I should do it his way. We shall see .

Hi Thanks for your thoughts great ideas and totally agree about I dont really know how he feels about me which is a very good point. I feel like I am walking on egg shells at the moment as he has backed off. When he said he thought he had AS he also said that it wasnt a great prospect for a new partner and that he needed to sort himself out. I told him I disagreed and what ever he thought he may have that it was about working together (I told him then the way I felt about him and what attracted me to him) hence I bought a book and researching to see how else I could help. We havent spoken again about his feelings for me as I didnt want to push it. Minime

Hi He does want children and yes I feel that he would be able to care for children as he has a great sense of responsibility towards the though of it because of his upbringing and not because of AS but because of his relationship with his father who was NT but old school Thanks for that Minime

Hi Caroline Thanks again for your thoughts. I do feel I accept him for who he is in most respects however I think we may have issues with his OCD. I am assuming that it is to reduce anxiety from what I have read and observed and spoken about with him. I am a freespirit and although I like things clean an tidy I feel there are some things I would have to understand before I could live with it. Something that has come up for example was cooking he tells me what to do which bowl would be the best one to use etc. I ended up saying to him that if he was going to tell me how to do it then why didnt he just do it which was what happened we did laugh about it, this was all before I began to read up on it. If things like that come up again would it be good to ask him if his reason was that it makes him anxious? Minime Re: "However, I share the same belief as my son's specialist consultant that this type of behaviour can also be more about wanting to be in control to prevent anxiety – for example, not being in control and knowing what's going to happen when can induce a great deal of anxiety, whereas being in control and knowing what's going to happen when can make that person feel calm. So, I guess I'm saying that it's important to work out why the individual is being controlling, etc – in order to prevent anxiety or for some other much more unhealthy reason? As I said in my first post, I think acceptance is key."

Hi All Just reading up on Cassandra. Can anyone give me more insight into how children with AS fathers cope with everyday life? I am currently in a relationship with an AS male which I care about deeply but I am wanting children eventually. I have read that it is likely that if I had children with him they would could be AS too is this correct? Am I understanding this correctly that an NT mother can be afarid that the AS father would not be able to care for the child? Thanks for any of your thoughts. minime

Hi This is all great feedback thank you. His first wife cheated and left him for someone else who had lots of money. His second wife finally told him that she didnt actually find him physically attractive an she had her own issues with sex. So I agree in principle I wouldnt normally touch it with a barge pool either. No we dont live together but I have spent a lot of long weekends and weeks with him so I have seen alot. I have asked him if he was able to tell his prev wifes that he loved them and he has said yes. Whether or not that would apply to me or not I dont know but at least I feel like he is able to say it. You have given me some great questions to ask him. At this stage I am open to learning and trying to understand how I actuall feel and my motives

Hi L&P Totally get what your saying and thanks for the honesty and openness. One of the things I have read about AS for example was him wanting the person to wear particular cloths so yes controlling. So yes it has been colouring my thinking I thought it was part of the symptoms.