Surreal Killer

Thanks for replies everyone. When I said "literally no friends" I meant that literally. I do not have an unrealistic perspective on what the word 'Friend' means. I do not see or communicate with anyone socially. I don't even leave my flat unless I need to go shopping- even then I keep my head down, use self checkout and escape as quickly as I can. I can't communicate with my family (or samaritans) through means such as telephone, because that causes me a great deal of anxiety(to the point that I feel physically crippled(I mean that literally too- sometimes I can't physically move when confronted with a situation where I have to use a phone, i feel weighed down, unable to breath, heart pounding, limbs go numb etc) I have been able to send Emails and instant messages from time to time to my mother, but only if there is something spicific that needs to be talked about. There is no 'conversation'. Also, I have no interest in bothering family with my inabilities and failures. They are aware that I might have some kind of social issues, but they don't know how bad it is, and I would keep it that way. I would literally rather kill myself and end my suffering that way, than have all of the awkwardness from involving family in my problems. I can't talk to my GP in detail about my problems as it causes me similar anxiety. I only feel comfortable with simple interactions. I've tried mentioning the suicidal thoughts before, but I don't think anyone takes me seriously. I do not have the social ability to stress how severe my problems are in person. I could write a letter, but I'm afraid of coming across as silly or stupid for doing so... Similarly, social groups- just thinking of them cause anxiety. I would be alright going to things if I had a friend with me (that is how I'd managed through life up until now) but I don't have any friends any more (literally). In a moment of bravery once, I did actually go out to a social meet on my own, but I crashed and burned badly, not knowing the right things to do/say in a social situation, how to approach people, start a conversation, what to talk about etc. I just got the impression that I was coming across like a complete weirdo. The experience was torture, and I do not wish to repeat that. I've also tried some voluntary work, when I had a friend to help me get into it... similar excruciating experience when it came to actually meeting other people involved. I do recieve DLA, but its recently been knocked down to the lowest level, and I don't know why, as nothing has changed or become easier for me. I can't question this change, as that would mean communicating with people, and not only does that cause me anxiety, i also wouldn't know what to say, literally- when in a live social situation, it becomes very difficult to select words and put them into an order to make a meaningful sentence that says what I want it to. I also have a load of bills piling up because I lack the ability to set up all the payments etc. Until a while ago, they were set up in my ex's name, but after catastrophic relationship breakdown, she's cancelled everything and left me to my own devices to pick up the pieces- which I can't do. *big sigh* Any other ideas?

I'm 28, M, living on my own in South London. It feels like my life is in a very, very, dark place at the moment. I have no friends (and I mean literally none) I have no job. I've been surviving (barely) on benefits. And have very little contact with my family (They live in Hertfordshire) I was once lucky enough to fall into a longterm relationship with a lovely and understanding girl, and kept that up for eight years, but that all came to a catastrophic end a year ago. It feels as if now, I have no hope of ever getting with a girl again I'm also not getting any treatment for my condition because the NHS refuses to fund diognosis of AS in adults, and I can't afford private treatment. I've had in the past some therapy for "Social Anxiety" but that was useless. It feels like no one within the system really understands or takes seriously the severity of what I was experiencing. My life literally consists of playing computer games, occasional household chores, sleeping and nothing much else. and has done for the last year. I am very talented and intelligent- and very capable of doing many different kinds of things to a high standard, but despite all that, I feel like a huge failure, because I lack social ability- and it feels like that is really the only thing that is important in building successful a career/life. There's so much pressure on me to do things which feel impossible- even when living on benefits. for example, I need to provide medical certificates to upkeep benefit payments... that means asking my GP for them- which sounds easy in theory, but its really, really not!! (In fact, I've never done it myself- have always had a friend ask for me, but due to circumstances, that friend is no longer in my life, so I don't know what I'm going to do when the next one is due in a week or so)- Just thinking about that makes me feel as if I'm drowning. Right now, it feels like SUICIDE is the only option for me. It's not what I want, and I'm not even sure that I'd have what it takes to actually go through with it- I wish there was something I could do that would pick me out of this hole and give me a foot on the ladder... Any suggestions? I'm really desperate. ps. I only really want practical advice. Sympathy is just patronizing and doesn't solve anything- neither will telling me that suicide is a bad idea for whatever reason. Telling me to cheer up, or reassuring me that "something will come along" is also a bit useless.

Hi everyone, new here, just thought I'd post a quick introduction. I'm a 28 year old guy, living in SW London and have suffered with social anxiety for my whole life. Just recently I've had Asperger's disorder brought to my attention, and having read through the description and list of symptoms, I'd say it's highly likely that it's what I have. I have not had an official diagnosis, as the mental health professional that I had been seeing seemed very reluctant to even consider it as a posibility. I thought this a very unfair conclusion as the questions she was asking me only seemed relevant to the social anxiety that I had originally been referred there for. On top of that, the social difficulties that I have prevent me from fighting my case- It was made out as if I didn't know what I was talking about and made me feel completely ######. Anyway, I'm living on my own with no social network at all. Absolutely no friends. I am unemployed because the finding/applying for work process is socially beyond me. I find myself dependant on my ex-girlfriend (who is now trans-gendered) to sort out all of my benefits, rent, bills etc- anything that involves communication with service providers. For various reasons, I am beginning to dispise my ex and wish I could cut them out of my life completely, but am forced into a corner as I have no one else to help with all that stuff. You'll probably find it no surprise that I also suffer with depression, and contemplate suicide nearly every day.