Snakey Pete

Adapt a small water feature- get a tap, a pump and a small reservoir. He would be able to turn the tap on and play with it whenever he feels the need. It would keep his relaxation/de-stress behavior without costing you a fortune.

Thanks for your responses people. My mind is in a much better place now- I'm feeling much better. This has been a real emotional roller-coaster for me, in fact for everyone- my wife, kids, family and friends. At the time I made the original post I was feeling pretty lost and alone, but I didn't need to be. It's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and the positives and dwell in self pity and self reproach. It's destructive and if any-one finds me doing it, please kick me in the bum and tell me to cheer-up! I do have friends (of course I do) and my wife, the love of my life, is helping me through it. I hope we work it out, and stay together, we seem to be getting on better than I can remember since the early days of our marriage. It was her that managed to get through to me and open my eyes to my condition. Things now can only get better. She is also supporting me and helping me to come to terms with things and improve how I cope. She was with me at the doctor and she will be with me through counseling. I hope she will be with me forever. I Love her to bits. I feel really bad about how my condition has affected her during our marriage. Without a diagnosis, Aspergers is a very difficult condition to live with and she has done an amazing job over the past 20 plus years. At times it has even caused her to questioned her own sanity which is a terrible thing. The knowledge of my condition has been a massive relief to both of us, she feels alive again, everything makes sense. I have to stop beating myself up about it. Did anyone else suffer from mood-swings periods of despair, confusion and depression when the diagnosis was made? Is this reaction to be expected? I hope it goes away, I feel happy now; there is hope for the future. As I said at the end of the original post: What a difference a day makes.

It's not a new thing, no. I don't think it was the diagnosis per se, but that has crystallized the situation and boom.

What effect has your diagnosis had? Bad things have been happening in my life. I was recently made aware of Aspergers and that I am a sufferer. On Friday I went to the doctor and I am being referred for formal diagnosis. As a result of that diagnosis and more specifically, the effects of the Aspergers on our relationship I am now separated from my wife. We have been together for 23 years and have 2 beautiful children. The house is being made ready for sale and I am in a spare room pending a bedsit. I am mortified that I am the cause of suffering to the only person I have ever truly loved, been able to love, been able to know. What other pain have I caused? I was unaware that the world didn't see me as I am. I feel as though I am trapped in a monsters' skin, the more I reach out the further people recoil. Have I caused harm to my children with my emotional aberration? My wife is fed up with my idiosyncratic ways, she is embarrassed when I'm in public, either the crass things I say or my silence from fear I say something crass. My obsessive behavior, my inability to work out when the kids need a dental check-up. I have felt she didn't love me for a while, I guess, denial is a wonderful thing. My doctor said it's not my fault -it's a condition. He said 'imagine you have a bad leg and you stumble and knock someone over- is that your fault?' Well, imagine when you stumble with your bad leg and knock someone in the road and they're badly hurt, would you feel guilty?' You betcha. The diagnosis (not even that, just yet) seems to have crystallized things; sealed our fates. I am crushed. All I feel is pain and despair, what have I done? What further trauma am I going to cause? The closer people come to me the more hurt they will feel. What is the point of existing if my world has no love? None. Isolated. My isolation is made more severe in a world full of people. I can watch the world, loving and giving and laughing; it's as though I am a small boy with my face pressed against the sweet-shop window and no money in my pocket. I can't think of my future, it's a blank space; a void, dark and silent. She is out tonight with friends. having a good time without me to cause stress. The kids are out too. It's just me in the house. I don't have any friends, it seems I had only borrowed them from my wife and when she went, so did they. What a difference a day makes.

Yes I do, just started on the road myself at 44. I will find out more and let you know.

I've just been referred by my doc for diagnosis......