super saiyan

I am so angry and alone atm.I feel dead,everything feels non existant or like some big black void.I am 17,have no social life (or ever have had) and i have not left the house for 11 weeks.I constantly feel suicidal and i have such dark thoughts.I have been severely depressed for two years now since i left at the end of yr 10.My family cant deal with much more of this and neither can i.The so called "experts"dont care and i am getting nowhere.Things are so bad i want to go back to hospital but they just wont let me .They say it will not help where me and everyone else around me disagree.I am not getting hardly any support and i just feel like i am going to cough up blood all the time.I have constant images of me being stabbed and bleeding to death,flashbacks and sometimes blackouts.Noone will lsiten to me and i can't stand it.I am so lonely atm ,i dont have any friends and i just feel like a zombie.I feel so empty inside and nothing can change that atm.I just feel so cold and dark now ,it's like i am no longer human but more like an entity.I would realy like a girlfriend and friends but i do not trust people anymore.As far as my fear of people was concerned ,this hospital was doing wonders for me.I was diagnosed with depression and then kicked out two weeks later.Says a lot about brookside!I didnt celebrate my quite recent birthday ,was suicidal the whole day and even through myself head first down the stairs.I realy do not know how much more of this i can take.I have nothing and i no longer have interests.Everything is just so pointless and it is like i am dead to he world.NOONE EVER LISTENS TO ME !!People think i am being dramatic when the truth is i can not handle it any more.I am up until 5 every night with constant flashbacks about my past ,the hospital and my time there,my dark past(school,bullying etc) and my happy childhood.You may wonder why my childhood makes me more depressed but the truth is i was so happy then compared to now it makes me want to cry.I am a very strong willed person and i am a fighter!However being like this for so long is just too much for me and i can't ever see myself having a future on this earth.What i have so far described is only the tip of the iceberg.If i was to spill everything it would go on for at least 5 pages.Right now i am so lonely i just do not what to do.The hospital was helping me so much but they wont let me back.I have endured years of this and i can not do it any longer.I am waking ym family up wandering around the house at 4 in the morning with flashbacks and dark thoughts but my family has just been told to ignore it.My anger is unlike anything tou could ever imagine.I have smashed so mmany things because of it but again the "experts response is for my family to ignore it.Right now i am a very angry man and yes i am very emotianaly and emtaly unstable.I just don't know what to do anymore i am shaking uncontrollably with anger as i write this.Nothing ever changes and i enver get any help.I have self harmed so many times niw to try and distract myself from everything.I coukd literaly go on and on and on.I can not relate to anyone with aspergers like myself tho.That is for sure!

just out of interest,was this hospital place Brookside?

hi there smiley wow lota questions there lol.I defenitely understand you about the whole noone understands and everythings pointless part.I also do feel like a complete failure and yes i was attending the hospital as a day patient due to severe depression.I am currently on 100mg of citralin which doesnt do much it is fair to say.I see psychiatrists every few weeks but nothing ever seems to help me.I have seen so many people and nothing has at all changed.Rather than make the most of my time now i do my best to kill each day as it comes.It is what i have done for over a year now and its getting increasingly more difficult.I do get physically and mentally exhausted with it all ( quite a lot i should add) , that i just want to die so badly.I was first diagnosed with severe depression and later on the AS.I had somehow managed to battle through my teen years and mantain my daily routine(which basicaly consiisted of going to school and not much else) , until things got out of hand and i could no loner attend my school or leave the sanctuary of ym own home.I distanced myself from everyone even my own family.I just could not face them anymore.There is nothing in this world that would make me happy anymore i just think it is all so very pointless

hey everyone my name is Albert and i am currently suffering from severe depression which is tearing me apart atm.I was diagnosed with aspergers during my time in hospital after many years of speculation.I am 16 and from Essex and i am just looking to share my experiences with people who may actualy understand me unlike many of my peirs.I spent the whole of last year locked in my house and missed my entire final school year.Now i have left the hospital i have nothing to do so i thought id join an online forum and here i am