raine

Thanks very much for your replies. It's nice to get both sides of the argument from A&A and from Minime72, as well as Karen's view as a NT person. Gives me a lot to think about, and I will definitely ponder this for a while before I make any decisions to speak to a GP. A&A, it stung a little to see you dismissing my situation as likely being no worse than the rest of society, as I feel (and I'm sure my husband would agree) that my problems go beyond "we all will have said things that will have upset people when we didn't mean to". However, I do fully take on board what you said about the fact that I've come this far without any sort of intervention or diagnosis, and that's really the crux of why I've posted here rather than speak to anyone else at this stage. I need to think about what my motivation is for getting a potential diagnosis, and what effect that might have vs. what I effect think / hope it might have, vs. continuing with the status quo. Of course, there is no "cure", so I guess any progress / help would take a similar path to working on social / behavioural problems for a NT person? In that case, the only thing I would gain from a diagnosis is a label. And would it really be helpful to be labelled? It might, if I tell people who are sympathetic and understanding about the condition, or about mental health problems in general. But if I tell people who don't really believe in conditions like this, it might just result in me being stigmatised and seen as a liar, trouble-maker or attention-seeker. Would all the aggro of going through a diagnosis process (or non-diagnosis, as it might end up) be worth the pain? Maybe not. I'm just not sure that the positives would outweigh the negatives. I think I'll have to spend some considerable time reading the beyond adolescence forum that Karen suggested. Thanks very much for the tip Karen. Minime72, I really feel for you. You must be worried about your kids, but all you can do is try and be the best mum that you can, keep telling them that you love them, and when they're old enough to understand, explain your condition. I made a decision a long time ago that I would never have kids. I just can't believe that I would like (let alone love) them, or they me. And I've always thought that I would make a lousy mother - put it this way, I wouldn't have wanted a mother like me, that's for sure! Luckily my husband isn't bothered about kids either, so that lets me off the hook! I actually hadn't thought about the fact that very young kids meet most of their friends through their mums. Not sure what to suggest for that, other than maybe if there are some group social situations where you could blend into the background but give your kids the opportunity to meet other kids? Thanks again for all your help and comments.

Hi, My first post here. I've long suspected I might be borderline for some kind of Autism or Aspergers. I've always felt at odds with the world, and always seem to be upsetting people when I've said things that seem perfectly logical or polite to me. I've also lost a couple of jobs because I don't seem to understand people, and they don't understand me, and been in trouble because of getting bogged down in detail rather than working to the 80:20 rule. I've just taken the AQ test online, in which I scored 34. My question is - should I go to the doctor and ask to be referred to get an official diagnosis, or not? For my own peace of mind, I think it would be helpful to know that it's not just me being awkward, socially inept, uncaring, whatever. However, I don't know how helpful it would ultimately be? For example, would it jeopardize my chances of getting medical insurance, or in other ways? I'm thinking about forms I've filled out in the past where you're asked if you've ever sought help for, or been diagnosed with, any form of mental condition or illness. I can't remember exactly what forms I've seen these questions in now? Perhaps someone could remind me? I'm worried that if I am diagnosed I will use this as an excuse for bad behaviour, rather than taking responsibility for how I act, and trying to learn and improve. My life is far from being a disaster, although my lack of social skills has definitely shaped my life in a big way. I changed career from my office job to where I now work for myself, although I do still struggle with interactions with people in that environment. I'm married, so I'm not on my own, although I don't really feel that my husband knows me that well. I don't have many friends, and have even less now that we've all got older, got married and stuff, as the friendships were almost exclusively based on activities rather than emotional ties. I often feel lonely, as my husband has lots of friends who he goes out with, and my natural tendency is to isolate myself, and I no longer have the forced social interaction of being in an office. My husband gets very angry when I upset someone, or when I'm a bit curt with someone, and always blames me. Maybe he would be more understanding of my behaviour if I was diagnosed? I nervous about even mentioning ASD to him though, as I'm sure he will think I just want to use it as an excuse. He thinks I'm just being rude, inconsiderate and unpleasant to people, and just need to pull myself together and start behaving in a more acceptable way. What do you think? Approach doctors / specialists with a view to being diagnosed, or just get on with my life and hope that I'll eventually be able to learn how to interact better? I'm 37, so I've got this far. Will the benefits of being diagnosed actually outweigh the negatives? And I should also consider, if I go to see a specialist and they say I don't have any kind of ASD, where will that leave me then?? Has anyone here been to a doctor for diagnosis and ultimately ended up wishing they hadn't? Has it actually had any kind of positive effect on your life? Thanks for listening, and sorry to go on so much.