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I know it motto " you got help yourself out of it" but where meet you half way or we'll be there non -existent in context practically so my official diagnosis is "useless tool" as no services to access out there to work with it to improve on coping/managing skills!

Typical example of me going from mood state to another being up there ceiling high to flat on floor crashing come down in few hours ... Not great rang doctors they spill you want feel like good for them not for you! Gr! Then get onto CMHT as haven't rang me back when suppose to monday spoke to 'nurse' she said it between me and my doctor whether I'm stable or safe enough to take meds then she goes onto spill out autism support websites which basically useful as just looked it up its support in nottingham ,derby area and also general NAS telephone number she basically in not actual exact words told me no practical support out there for me long term if NAS decided to close their door discharge me case closed looks like same with CMHT too as no one knows what they really on about so confused they are and surprised I am and getting int anxious wreck/mess just rang NAS and other senior manager not available and they don't know when she will be so sent her an email explaining my situation/case urgent! Feel like everyone fobbing me right off! Just telling me what they think 'best' to move me on again! Now got thumping banging tension headache from worrying/stress anxiety brought it on don't know where to go who speak to next with no service REALLY wanting to know help me out?! Leave me out in cold waiting story of my life so far! Only thing keeping me pure and simple slightly sane is "my train adventure" all my dad keeps saying "get on with your life" move on! So annoys makes me feel such drain , burden on society then society wonders why we depressed,anxious and stressed out so bad and much umm. I wonder maybe because services out for them don't really want to know and completely SUCK! Now can you see why so had enough,fed up frustrated?! Sorry for the rant and raving! Looks like when become purely independent moves out on own what happens next then?! I asked nurse about assigning me my own social worker that system/services is non-existent with new one in its place with endless funding cutbacks mades it worst too! I told got pot of funding but social worker dealing with that side to my case and I been told by old care manager independent source out of county in coventry near birmingham now hell do you expect someone to travel to them all time on travel I also don't think funding now allow for travelling expenses either makes really banging head against the wall! Nothing makes clear proper sense anymore getting so bogged down in it all its unreal! I'm proper scared afraid this send me into a spin leading to another crisis situation! Got tension headache lying on bed curtains closed can't think why I may have?! Argh! Am I being unreasonable with services? I don't fit under MHT,NAS or learning diff services we really have to fight/battle fend for our selves! So running out of pure energy fight! Am truly am losing will to keep fighting/battling on going!

Trying to start to snow again here! Little bit of flakesd falling here! XKLX

@ Special talent - I deffo sure I anytime travel train ticket! Have checked it over! Now being dropped off at local (mile away) train station by parents so then haven't got to stress and worry over changing over anywhere as direct route last place in stops @ is stevenage,herts so now no worries just get travel sick on trains (headache,feel nausea) so may buy some sweets and magazines to distract myself but won't be on the train too long as only takes half an hour! Bonus! Good times roll! Just text my auntie let her know half term dates were 'correct' 'right' had it double checked by office lady at work so know it deffo right no I didn't mean herts half term but mine where I live which is northamptonshire! Sorry for the added confusion there! Lol

@ lyndalou - have done already if I was planning to go to st albans then they'd be stop at luton but its confusing as sometimes stops @ luton parkaway (airport) so my parents said drop me at train station about a mile or so from where we live so can do directly into stevenage train station and must easier for my auntie instead of an half an hour route to st albans train station I'm now more accessible! I got shopping sprees planned meals out girls night watching TV and eating choc so much FUN to be had with this 'adventure' and with this train route can't get lost and end up in scotland and town in northamptonshire where I live takes 35 mins that's all to get there! Even better,easier!

Can anyone tell me do you know if from friday 8th feb til friday 15th feb is half term week? Need to know as only work term time and not half term will double check with boss tomorrow Told my mum my idea to visit my auntie in hertforshire she said you're an adult now up to you what you do! Just text and ask my auntie which I did straight away was planning to stay a week but due to auntie being busy end of week doing from friday 8th feb til weds 13th feb think this do me world of good my auntie craving company after uncle upped and left her suddenly for "another woman" after 40 years of marriage she been SO down ,depressed bless her so think work both ways do us both some good she is retired so have free spare time spend quality girlie time together! Can't wait! NEED to get away escape how much money do you think realistically need for a week to pay my way while I'm there food drink etc? As my auntie struggling finincially!my auntie picking me up from st albans train station as stevenage means two change overs where st albans one change over at luton! So can't get as lost or confused now can I! Lol anyone asked for assistance on train for their ASD make their anxiety /panic less as attempting it on my own! I got a adult disabled railcard SO EXCITED NOW!

Hope this is way forward of my future 'action plan' feel like haven't got the physical/mental energy to chase anyone or anything so "emotionally sick". 'Fed up' and tired -quite literally!

Bumped into lady used to be care manager over my care package she was also mental health nurse informed her of my partial current situation ( OD crisis) she going to email social worker @ adult MHT when she gets into work and explain in that email she believes/thinks professionally /personally I need assessment of need/ support from adult MHT made urgently/immediately! She also going to speak to one of senior managers of Local NAS and explain my current outstanding situation and see where other senior manager to one I spoke if there any other services within the NAS as told 'care manager' I'm struggling chasing "everyone" up going round in circles which aint doing me no good what soever though did forget to mention about well being team appointment I got coming up that urging and eager to "just wrecklessly cancel"!

really need my auntie right now been texting her lot lately worry hell lot over her since my uncle admitted to an affair upped and left her she was deverstated as would be! they'd been together 40 yrs so shocking! so 'we' both need girlie quality TLC needed i've been on about it for ages something always wanted to do hopefully parents will agree and see why have to go away recharge my batteries and come back just like they've been doing lately! Though dad don't still get why i worry at all! he thinks i should be young free enjoying life so why ain't i?! what so hard stressful about doing it so annoys me! @ matzoball -don't do talking to sams. or parents finding it hard enough to be honest/open on here let alone else where taking all my energy out of me to do that! i'm SO stubborn barrier blockage emotionally that's why i'm in this messy situation anyways going find hard /difficult enough approaching the nurse hopefully if not social worker about 'issues' do i phone back tomorrow or would go down there show them mood diary proof how bad issues still are? don't want to once again burden them! XKLX

i have wrote down the highs aswell as the lows in my mood diary i am thinking of booking week away at my aunties in hertfordshire as need get away anywhere (looking at booking 7/8th feb -sun 17 feb need to escape here for bit change of scenery ??? XKLX

Manic? Umm? I'm bad for being high drive everyone mad with it including me! Now on crashing come down rapid. Always seems be case after "high" bouncing everywhere flying ... Why is this happenin though maybe deserve feel bad because I am! -IM NOT BULIMIC! *sitting in bed tears streaming down face when last night mind racing so fast at speed happy! Really don't understand my mood states situation more this carries on!

Haven't wrote much in mood diary tonight the mood scale chart /graph which draw line to each day to show proof of up and down hilly mood physical! @ matzoball contact the doc about what?! Nurse from adult MHT was suppose to be ringing me today so whether receptionist forgot to past note on to nurse or other scenario that nurse couldn't get into work due to snow option really busy and forgot herself! No I did ask social worker when she rang what she think I should do about re-starting anti-D's as I explained was seriously worried scared "same crisis" will occur again not how but when with me always does! Been getting "dark" "bad" thoughts tonight too scared afraid to discuss open up fully with anyone out there I'm failure messed up wimp end of who pathetically feels sorry for herself who's weak all ways /areas!this proves I'm burden at an ebb again find hard to concentrate anywhere as that's when restlessness irratibility hits real bad and that's when crisis situation happens! I'm know I'm dangerous bomb waiting to blow! * I flick skirt around being "too honest and open" about eating/body image struggles ...

1,000 things rushing through my head is connected/linked with mental health issues /mood states whatever I try I'm stuck can't seem to move forward! Feel so repulsed and disgusted at my image lately even more so feel so much guilt involved when I eat high calorie "bad nasty foods" food aint even exciting anymore!

@ matzoball scared I'll end out "backing out" of my booked appointments @ docs because "too much" to be honest and open! I can't be Bulimic its not ME!

@ matzoball have been "tempted" to buy pills of many kind to lose weight and look all time in shops hunt them down! But I wouldn't class myself as "bulimic" at all to be honest with you! know I have many "issues" right now! All I know is I'm scared lost and confused as usual all time!

I don't I'm anywhere near the 2,000 calories mark at all (pure honesty!) Not even near 1,000 calories I should think a day,calories so scare hell out of me make me anxious constantly! Want all my food be healthy and if not have to exercise unhealthiness out and off beforehand so don't feel "as bad ,guilty" when eating it! Can't I admitted to nurse at adult MHT to previously sticking fingers down my throat so much more on long list to find "courage to admit" weigh nurse @ docs tell me a thirty minute walk is "fine" if don't feel "up" to the gym! I'm constantly free-zing all time to point of shivering like mad! I been told I should have more carbs (pasta,bread) in my diet as exercise loads!

I am trying so many different things and one of them is to try and " take control" my diet pretty lacking in many different things! Others believe I not eating enough to fuel my exercise activities/routines but I think I am! XKLX

No main trigger found I'm afraid anxious scared over! As so confused,lost within mood states of bumpy ups and down of the emotional rollercoaster! Not a nice or good feeling at all! Tried so hard work out trigger hope "others" can point in right direction through talking over mood diary! As so struggling make sense of every growing mood issues surrounding me all time!

Anyone else have an opinion on this?! XKLX

No can't find 'any middle ground' with my emotional state that's why feel restless all the time!

A-S Warrior - there is NO middle ground to my mood states that's where "issues" lie . There is NO " level ground" at all no stable balance exist! ;(

Woke up this morning feeling empty ,numb and lost -emotionally! When high buzz peaks then falls back down to "come down" level/stage yesterday and todays posts prove the high and low dip in "roller -coaster mood states"

My mood diary notes are so long winded tonight- come close to college assignment or essay so long! Hope "professionals" believe what I write in these diary enteries as pretty messed up,rambled,jumbled just hope can make some true real sense of what I've described and explained! Fingers x anyways hope for the best! Hope don't think I'm making it up! Faking it!

Watching casualty really hit a raw nerve so tough watching it! Can so related to issues surrounding "anorexia" statements made even though I deffo ain't that! all surrounding subject topics of mental health conditions this week mainly ( anorexia & agorphobia) had agorphobic type symptoms - horrid as feel prisoner stuck within walls of your home trapped can't physically get out of your 'safe comfort' - does anyone know if it national Mental health awareness week? to raise two mental health conditions within one epidsode is rather 'strange' ironic ? could somehow relate to both mental health issues raised within the programme scared me - don't why watch it 'i froze' in weird way like looking at 'mirror image' of me young girl but NOT anorexic! but sounds stupid as know only a drama but if in same situation as her i'd do same thing refuse treatment! XKLX

just had deputy manager text me to tell me know our work - nursery is closed tomorrow as the road our work seems to hit hard with snow and ice seems settle real deep up at work! so snow day for me it is! first mission of day - build a snow man me thinks! lol most important! XKLX