MissFortune

Hi Kathryn, Thanks for the welcome and advice I'm so far just trying to do as suggested - we're communicating via a handful of texts per day at the moment as he's reluctant to speak on the phone. I think, as he alluded to it at one point over a week ago that he is perhaps worried we'd get into an argument or something (though we spoke since then at least once) so I need to assure him this isn't the case but at the same time not go on about it. It'd just make things easier if I could properly chat with him rather than just have the very occasional text to go on. I know it's mad that we say we're in love, considering we haven't met yet. But I know how I feel and having spent considerable amounts of time getting to know each other online via webcam/messenger talking for hours on a daily basis on the phone I know that I want to be with him. And up until recently that was all fairly mutual and hopefully still is. We've gotten through minor blips before but this is something else. That said we've only been 'together' 3/4 months really. So I guess it's all been quite intense and now we've hit a difficult patch. He does still want to meet up, but the problem is it'd be impossible to do just for a casual day out as we live in different countries - I, in England and he in Northern Ireland so it'd take a bit of planning. I've joked about me just turning up one day and he says he'd like that but under the current circumstances I'm worried it'd scare him. So any chance of meeting needs some sort of planning in advance -- and that is difficult as he doesn't know when he's working from one day to the next. (He works for family and they usually just get in touch on the day to let him know if they require his help or not). I really do think meeting would help settle many things, it's just the best way to arrange that as things stand at the moment. We both have a lot going on and as I say he's dealing it with by just sleeping a lot and shutting me out. Is his behaviour typical of an Aspie though and will the quitting smoking be playing that much of a big part? I know I need to be extremely patient with him but I'm just terrified of pushing him further away. Sorry for the lengthy post again. x

Hi everyone, Not sure where to begin with this as it's a tad complicated. Basically I'm in a relationship with a younger male Aspie. I'm NT (although I'm very insecure/paranoid etc and have some bpd-like traits). We've been 'dating' only online thus far for a few months and have spent hours upon hours talking on the phone as we live about 300 miles apart and arranging to meet has thus far proved difficult. Anyway, initially everything was fantastic but he recently gave up smoking and is going cold turkey. I know that he relied on smoking to give him a respite from social situations and to cope with stress etc so I can't imagine how difficult it is for him. I've tried offering my support/encouragement but it's affected our relationship in a negative manner. I recently asked him if he had any doubts and he said it was all very confusing and he doesn't know if he knows. He tells me he loves me but at the same time he's scared about where things are going and is struggling with the necessary commitment. That said he doesn't think there's anything either of us can do to change things yet wants it to work, too. He's rather inexperienced with relationships and I realise I've probably been a bit too full-on so I've agreed to cool it a bit etc. But we're barely communicating now and it's upsetting me. I suspect the nicotine withdrawal is making him somewhat depressed so the last thing he needs is me smothering him but I'm just not sure what is best to do. It's frustrating that with the distance I can't be there for him. I can't help but worry there's an underlying issue, though, and that I'm slowly losing him. He's just rather reticent/seems irritable, is sleeping even more than usual yet appears to be able to speak with others on messenger etc. I know when people are down they often withdraw from the ones they love and care about the most but I need to know what he's thinking and to be reassured there's still hope that it'll work. I know it sounds crazy as I've not met him but I adore this man and don't want to give up on him. As much as this is hurting me I can't do that. When things are good he makes me the happiest I've ever been in my life, and I really want to make him happy, too. Any advice/help would be hugely appreciated, please.