Natterer

Thanks for your suggestions. My mum is always laughing at me for trying something new on this one ! I'm the queen of bathroom innovations! i've bought wet wipes (don't like the wet feel on our hands) and rubber gloves (used them once under protest, despite insisting i bought them). New toilet seats - check, we've had 3. I've bought books especially for children (well teens really but she's a good reader) with special needs to explain about personal hygiene. She's read them, but doesn't think they're anything to do with her. She was checked for UTIs right back when this all started (after a high temperature thingy, which does make me wonder about PANDAs? or is that too controversial?) anyway they said she had no bacteria IN her urine but lots AROUND the vagina (not surprising given that she sits in wet pants most of the time and sometimes they're a bit poo-ey as well). No prescription, just told to wash her more often. She has suffered from external thrush a lot, but that's not surprising really as her skin is often red and sore, sometimes broken, from the ammonia. HATES having thrush cream applied, though, and will do anything to avoid it. I buy buckets of the stuff. Now she's getting older it's getting harder to insist on these things though; she's more able to physically resist and I feel it's more undignified for an 8 year old to be forcibly applied with cream on the tush than a 3 year old. So that means a LOT of reasoning. I have started mentioning to DD that I can smell her - not nastily, just matter of fact - as she doesn't seem to connect the leaking with the obvious outcome. i'm still not certain she knows she has leaked. She might, but then again, she might not. She huffs a bit when I say this but I think she needs to know that other people are aware of her bodily emissions. I honestly wouldn't have asked about the hypnotist if I didn't feel like we'd tried most other things. What is an occupational therapist likely to offer in the way of ideas? Cheers. Natterer x

Thank you for all your kind words and helpful suggestions. DD LOVES school and joining clubs, she'll join just about anything and her list of hobbies includes tae-kwondo, gymnastics, ballet, swimming, drama. She's not very co-ordinated (although she thinks she's brilliant at everything & I've not disabused her of this idea), and I think these all help with that. She does get upset if they, eg, swap literacy and maths lessons round or she has a different teacher or something, but that's understandable. She's in a mixed year group 3/4 and sits with year 4s which helps as they know she is younger and look after her. Next year the class structure is changing and she will be in 4/5, so it will be the same again. Academically, she breezes through. She is prone to anxiety, which probably doesn't help the constipation, she usually goes regularly enough that we don't have to give medicine but it's always pretty firm (on the other hand, when I managed to get it a bit softer / more regular she had poo-ey pants all the time - she doesn't wipe with loo roll after using the loo, ever, says she doesn't know how but won't pay attention if you try and show her - and started wiping her bum with her bare hands and smearing it over the bath panel, sink, down herself, over the doors - you get the picture - so I am tempted to leave well alone there). But we do everything we can to lesson her anxieties and they're mostly worries like "eek! will I get to sit in the front of the car? Will my ice cream be bigger than my sisters, it has to be? will I get to go at the front of the line?" as she HAS to be first at everything, and we think she really does need to face this one out because she CAN'T always be first/best/biggest. it's possible she doesn't know till the last minute when she needs the loo, although she won't countenance going 'just in case' so it's hard to know where to go with that one. I've tried talking to her about this, very gently, and so has my mum, about how it feels and whether she knows when she needs to go etc, and she won't talk about it at all and just clams up. She doesn't wet the bed, although she has from time to time in the past, she's not done that for 2 years or so. She used to be AWFUL about bathing, hair washing and brushing etc but with patience and special bath foams that she likes the smell of is getting much better - she is learning to deal with it. I've/she's not washed her face, for example, for some years... but we're working on it. She also avoids tooth brushing Sally44, you mention seeing an OT - DD was diagnosed a month ago but I've not had the official version yet and am waiting for contact details and signposting, but will look into this when the info finally comes through (it was promised within a week of diagnosis and then, when I queried where it was after a fortnight, within a week of my query, but no sign yet). I'm still wondering about hypnotism and will post back if I get anywhere with this. I guess I need to find a hypnotherapist who understands Asperger's first x Natterer x

My DD is 8 years old and has Asperger's. Despite potty training really easily and not having any accidents for months (a year? maybe) at first, she lost the hang of it at pre-school and now wets her pants daily...and it's beginning to really do my head in! She does what she used to term, in the days she admitted it had happened, 'a little leak' (ie not a full bladder). Nowadays she will say imperiously "I don't know WHAT you mean, mother" when I suggest she needs to change her clothes or wash herself (and washing is another battle entirely). I'm pretty sure she DOES know when she is wet but just has her head in the sand and hopes no one else notices, or doesn't want to think about it herself. She will refuse the toilet when it's suggested, only for a small damp patch to appear within a few minutes and then insist there is no damp patch. Not only does she generally smell like a neglected hamster's cage, I don't think this will help her fit in any better with the other children (especially at things like ballet classes, where they already shun her). I've tried star charts, stickers, stickers to collect that lead to treats, praise for going, extra priviledges, getting cross with her for not going, loss of priviledges, ignoring it, making a fuss...you name it, I've tried it. With zero success. She doesn't like the toilet, she never uses toilet paper or flushes after she's been ('luckily' number 2s are generally constipated ones and therefore need little wiping - yes I know this can affect eneuresis but...if i get them soft it's a whole new can of mucky worms, believe me, and seems to make little difference to the wetting habit) and can only go in the end cubicle in a public toilets (as long as they don't smell, in which case she won't go in there - despite being far smellier than the restroom, some days ) At school she has one cubicle she will use, unless it's dirty in there, in which case she will not go until the inevitable happens in her pants. Does anyone have any experience with hypnosis? Could a hypnotherapist help her realise when she needs to go, in good time, and to take responsibility for it ~(ie try and clean herself up a bit) when she doesn't? Or any other suggestions? Not only am I desperate, my mother has started making noises about not wanting to go out with her which would be really really sad! Thanks. Natterer x

Today, my Aspie daughter was in a ballet show with her sister. She came back from her class at 2.30 ish saying she needed to be at the theatre at 5 o'clock. Now that means we can't eat at our normal time. DD must be fed or will become impossible! So I think to myself, we could eat out (which both my girls love) at 4pm in town at a cafe or fish and chip shop or something and then wander over to the theatre. Now my husband never wants to watch the kids in the shows so I only have one ticket, but he could drive us into town, to save us having to find a space, eat with us, and then go home. So I tell my husband this plan. He jiggles his foot which means he doesn't like the idea. So I say, ok, you obviously don't like that idea, what's up? and he says 'nothing'. I say, "look, you look really annoyed at this suggestion, is there a problem with it? If there is, tell me now". He says nothing. I try again and say "this is your last chance, if there is a problem with this arrangement tell me what it is?". He says nothing. I am therefore pretty irritated when, at 4pm, he says he isn't coming with us and that *I knew that perfectly well from the conversation I had with him earlier*. To me, that conversation meant that even if he didn't like the idea, he was coming. Well, we argued for about 20 minutes about it, he broke some things by kicking them, and then I had to give the kids sandwiches in order to get them to the theatre on time. He said he knew he was being irrational but it wasn't what he wanted to do and that he hadn't said that at the time becuase he knew it would make me cross. Which I obviously was anyway when it got to 4pm. GGGgggggRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr. Anyway I am now wondering if he has aspergers too because he does that all the time, assumes I know things that he hasn't told me. And doesn't answer simple questions and then gets annoyed that I don't know what's happening. Or doesn't ask simple questions that would make life easier (like, "how much is that going to cost?" or "do you have to book at your restaurant or can you just turn up on the night?") and won't do things with the rest of us, a lot of the time. Just wants to do whatever he's interested in this week, by himself. sorry just had to get that off my chest, I am FURIOUS! with him x

I can sympathise with you. It's so hard to keep on being patient with a child in your home who keeps hurting people, refuses to do anything they don't initiate themselves and is downright rude a lot of the time. (I've no idea if your son is like this but my 8 year old daughter is!). Christmas is especially taxing - change of routine, boredom, too much time with siblings etc etc. I don't have any answers but I know what you mean - I've had the eyes rolled and the assumptions about my parenting (although my younger child is very popular, with adults and peers). I am also a teacher, like you. I don't think being a teacher makes you a better parent but I do think being a parent makes you a better teacher and being a parent of someone with ASD, whilst driving you to distraction on a daily basis, makes you more understanding of other families and their problems. Natterer x

My daughter is being diagnosed as Asperger's at the moment. She has a fantastic imagination - just not a very good social one. So she can tell the most fabulous lies, write amazing stories, and indulge in all sort of fantasy...but freaks out if she's going somewhere new. She does Tae Kwondo and watching her spar (ie work out what the other person might do next) is gut-wrenching! She also has a very good understanding of other people's feelings. She can understand other's feelings and motivation, but does not see how this affects her or the way she should react. She can, for example, be incredibly understanding when her sister is upset and try to comfort her...as long as the upset does not challenge her routine or wishes at all, in which case the upset person can just stay upset! I don't think that Asperger's would rule out either having an imagination or some degree of empathy. It's knowing what to do with that piece of information, along with all the other information that comes in at once, that challenges my little (probable) Aspie! x Hang on in there. DD is 8...she has a tough time in reception and yr 1 but she's got the hang of school now! The only bit she hates is Golden Time! As an infant teacher myself, I think the EYFS is not an ideal curriculum for Autistic children...old fashioned Reception learning, which is a lot more structured, would be less emotionally demanding for these children. Natterer x

ah thanks for the hellos! I've been trying to talk to my little girl about this to explain why we keep seeing these Drs (she hates them!) I've ordered that "all cats have asperger's" book from Amazon - she loves animals so think that's probably a good starting point Today she did her entire ballet class with her wrist inside her leotard so that no one could see the scratch the cat left there the other day, as that would make them pick on her (sometimes I want to scream at her funny little ways and sometimes I can't help but laugh). Obviously having a small but visible scratch would be weirder than doing ballet with your hand inside your leotard, lol! I wish I could understand her better!

Hello, Just a quick note to introduce myself. Today I was told by CAMHS that following our initial appointment and a school observation, they agree with me that my daughter has some sort of ASD, probably Aspergers. We're being referred to a 'social enterprise' who are retained by the PCT to assess cases like this for further assessment and most likely a formal diagnosis. In one way i'm pleased that I haven't just been making a fuss for years about my daughter's social difficulties because I'm a neurotic mum (like the GP thinks!)... but I guess in another way I'm wistful that they didn't just say that investigations show she's actually a bit short of vitamin C and if we give her some of that, her problems will just fade away *smile*. I am hoping that diagnosis will lead to us to services that will enhance her life. Am I bonkers?! Natterer x