janecw

Oh wow! This is so useful to hear all these comments. I do understand that my son isn't just making a fuss for no reason, but it is so enlightening to get some insight into how he may be feeling about it. The main problem I have is that he is now too old to want me washing his hair in the bath, and we don't have the kind of taps on the bath that can fit one of those hose attachments for washing hair. So it is much easier if he showers and can then wash his own hair more easily. Also, I'm just generally trying to encourage him to wash more as he gets older, and a bath seems to be a time consuming, major event, which causes stress! I'm trying to encourage more independence, and I thought a shower would be much easier for him to manage regularly himself. We have only had the shower about a year, and he doesn't seem to want to persevere with it, always complaining about the temperature changes, (which to the rest of the family don't seem too bad), and the feel of the water being horrible. I may have to think again, and possibly get the bath taps changed, so they can fit an attachment for hair washing maybe. Thanks for all the insights. Will have another think! Jane

Does anyone else have experience of AS adolescents hating the shower? My son prefers to bath, as he doesn't like the sensation of the shower water at all. However, I'm trying to get him to shower, as it saves so much time. He complains if the water temperature and flow isn't absolutely constant. Can anyone recommend a good make of shower that would give a very constant and reliable temperature and water flow? Thanks. Jane

Hi everyone, Just to say the wedding went very well. It was the advance planning that was the worst, but on the actual day, things went smoothly. Thank goodness for Marks and Spencer's, and their wonderful staff, who helped get both my boys kitted out in suitable smart clothes, with minimum stress. On the actual wedding day, my middle son, who I was most concerned about, only had one wobbly moment, but recovered himself. After the wedding, he then started behaving rather aggressively for a few days, but that is often what he does - holds everything in and then has a few days of "recovery" after a big event like this. I breathed a big sigh of relief afterwards! All in all, a good result. Thanks for the supportive messages.

Hi again, thanks for the further replies. It's lovely to hear from others who have been through something similar. Unfortunately my boys don't particularly get on. In fact, if I go out, I practically have to plan what they are doing for them! They don't like to be in the living room together, so have to take turns at using the TV or family computer downstairs. If one is upstairs, the other will be downstairs, and vice versa! But they don't fight like they used to. They just ignore each other mostly! Both are quite territorial about their own space, which has made holidays quite hard, as they absolutely won't share rooms or tents, so they have to be separate! Nevertheless, they are now teenagers, and mature enough to be left unsupervised for a while, especially my 17 year old, who is pretty independent. Yes, games consoles, music players, etc, are a must! And they are getting better about clothes, as they get older. Neither like shopping, and expect clothes to magically appear, but it's getting easier as they get older, at least! Think it's all the advance planning that is tiring, and other people have no idea the amount of effort we have to put in to make occasions like these work out! I will probably come home exhausted, as it's me who has to be on alert all the time to ensure things run smoothly. But my confidence is growing that all will be well on the day! Thanks everyone!

Thanks Robert. Yes, will let you know how it goes. It's not till 4th August, so a bit of time to prepare.

Thanks so much everyone for the replies. It may sound strange, but my kids' father isn't going to be there, unless he changes his mind at the last moment. He lives abroad and has lost touch with us. So my stepdaughter won't have her Dad to give her away, which I guess is a bit sad for her. From my point of view, it is a great relief he isn't coming, as that would add another problem into the mix! The kids haven't seen their Dad for 4 years, and even then, they only saw him for a couple of days before he went back to America. So they haven't had any ongoing relationship with their Dad since they were pretty young, and it would be incredibly stressful if they saw him again just for a couple of days before he went off again. He doesn't maintain contact by phone or letter, nothing, so they hardly know him, and every small bit of contact over the last few years has caused tremendous upset. I will definitely do some preparing in advance, try to get a rough schedule of what is happening and what is expected regarding things like photos, etc. I'm pretty sure my boys will be okay with the church service, but they may need some encouragement to be in photographs, and yes, they will need to have some freedom to wander off and play on a games console, or something like that, at the reception, because they won't want to make small talk - or, even worse - dance at the disco!! They are not likely to be openly disruptive, but they may wander off and ignore people, and constantly ask to leave. At a friends' wedding a few years ago, my eldest son sat outside on the wall for the whole service, refused to come inside, and I was embarrassed! But I think they are that bit older now and I can explain that some things are expected, and after that they can have some freedom to go back to the hotel and chill, or go and sit by themselves outside, as the reception is at a village hall with playing fields. I will continue to work on finding a friend to take with me to help too. And I think my daughter will have to compromise a bit too, so we don't have to stay really late. This is going to be a constant process of negotiation, I think. I've already had to say to my stepdaughter I will make sure the boys look reasonably smart - good trousers, shirts, maybe ties, if I can persuade them - but I can't be getting them suits, which she had hoped. Think that would raise my stress levels through the roof having to take my 14 year old son through that rite of passage into being a young man, wearing a suit! It will be enough to just ensure he looks clean and tidy and presentable and will do a few of the social niceties! Thanks everyone. Much appreciated! Jane

Hi there. I'm new here, so not sure if i should start a topic without introductions first. I am single Mum to 3 teens, (17, 14, 12). My eldest boy has no diagnosis, but definitely some autistic spectrum traits, my middle son has diagnosed Aspergers, and my daughter is neurotypical. i don't have much time to do forums, but thought I would give this one a try, as it looks good! I would love it if anyone could give me any advice about a family wedding we have to go to this summer. We have to do an overnight stay the night before, as it is four hours from us by car, and my daughter is a bridesmaid. At the last two weddings that we went to, both my boys couldn't wait to leave. I just can't work out how on earth I am going to juggle my daughter being bridesmaid, and wanting to stay, as she will no doubt be enjoying herself, and my boys, especially my 14 year old, possibly hating every moment of it! I have been asking friends to see if I can find anyone who will come with me to help, even if only to take one or both of my sons back to the Travelodge to chill and watch TV, while I stay at the wedding with my daughter. So far, I'm struggling to find anyone who is free, who would understand enough to help. I have nobody in the family that I could ask, and we will know very few people at the wedding, except the bride and groom. There will be no other kids of similar age at the wedding; it is mostly 20 - 30 something childless couples. Any ideas to help me cope and help prevent meltdowns or embarrassment? The bride, (my stepdaughter - that is my ex husband's daughter, who is also my kids' half sister), has expectations, and doesn't really understand that it may not be a fun experience for us as a family. Thanks in advance! J