Confused Traveller
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Posts posted by Confused Traveller
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Should at any time in the future they ever find a way to correct this would it be right to use this knowledge ao that nobody in society is autistic.
It appears that many of the major discoveries and inventions that have helped shape the world have come from Aspies, or people who may well have had Aspergers, so correcting this "problem" could be an absolute disaster. Just look at the mess many NTs make of things through their actions, or through apathy!
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Maybe I need a name change, as I'm stuck in a house now when life was much easier on the road. It was only a 2½ year break from being relatively boring and conventional (in a slightly alternative way!), mostly staying on Caravan Club sites and the like, so not a "proper" traveller!
I'm currently going through a bit of a meltdown from decades of putting on an act though, made worse by being several months into the wait for a diagnosis!
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More like learn to adapt, and appear to be "normal".
Then after many years of doing that, return to being your real self when you get exhausted from acting how they want you to!
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I've been prescribed CBT twice. I started to work out for myself I may have Aspergers a couple of days before my last session, and spoke to the counsellor about it. He said he didn't know anything about Aspergers, but didn't take it further. It was a mental health nurse who suggested I have it, and started the ball rolling that led to me being stuck in this 10 month wait for a diagnosis. So I'm not sure that being sent down any particular route makes much difference. It's who you happen to see, and what, if anything, they know, that makes the difference.
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after i got my diagnosis i was told by 4 different people that they had always thought i had AS, but didn't like to mention it incase i got offended! i think people should have a responsibility to help.
oh and these people were all ones who had a lot of experience working with people with AS
I'm wondering if that will happen if/when I get my diagnosis. I can't believe that in almost 60 years no one has noticed that I might be struggling, and said or done something about it, even if it was in the days before Aspergers was known about and they couldn't put a label on it. Only one person has ever asked me if I have it, about seven years ago, and at the time I just said no and nothing more was said about it. It wasn't until a couple of years later that I started to realise she may have been right.
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Hi Flo,
I recognise a lot of the items on your list, but maybe the effect on me of some of them is a bit milder than it is on you, and there are some that wouldn't be on my list. I'm 59, and half way through a 10 month wait for a diagnosis. Anyway, I've managed to survive for several decades longer than you without the signs being recognised!
When I was about 25, I went to my GP because I was depressed, and was prescribed some pills and told to go home and sort myself out, so at least things have improved if you've been offered CBT! I didn't go back to the doctor until I had my mid life crisis when I was 50, and was offered CBT. Since then I've seen several counsellors, but none of them have spotted my potential Aspergers, so have probably being trying to treat the wrong problem. Aspergers was first suggested about 7 years ago by someone I met who has a friend who has it, but I dismissed it at the time. I've discovered a few things since then that have led me to think I may have it, but no one took me seriously. Then last year I was having chest pains, and my GP decided it was probably due to stress and sent me on a stress management course. The course was pretty useless, although some of the material I got with it made me realise I'd had stress and anxiety since I was very young, long before my depression started. The person running the course passed me on to the local mental health people, and I had an appointment with a mental health nurse. She suggested Aspergers within minutes of meeting me, and gathered the necessary information to pass on to the experts, who put me on the waiting list. 10 months is a long time when you need to make big decisions about your life, but can't make them without a vital piece of information you're waiting for!
I'm in Wales, and I think it may be quicker and easier to get a diagnosis here than in the rest of the UK. I think there are big differences in different areas anyway. I'm not sure that my GP would have referred me for a diagnosis, so maybe I was lucky that a chain of events happened that by chance led to meeting the right person.
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I got rid of my TV about 10 years ago, so have no idea what's on now, but any glimpses of it I get I generally don't like much. My DVD collection is pretty much all from the years when I watched TV, although I'm about to find out how Star Trek Voyager ended at last, as it was still running when I gave up the evil one-eyed mind control device!
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There can be a lot more to running a business than being profitable. I always thought of my business as not being very profitable for the amount of time and effort I put into it, although I always earned enough to make a fairly modest, but comfortable, living. What I've realised more recently is that it was very successful, as it gave me freedom and a quality of life that few people with a "proper job" have. I just wish I'd appreciated that at the time, so I could have enjoyed it more, and maybe put less effort into trying to make it something that I didn't really want it to be.
I was, and still am, a sole trader. I employed a couple of people at one time, but it didn't achieve much, as I'm not that good at organising people, and although my turnover increased, my income didn't. I did help to launch my niece on her IT career though, where she now earns far more than I ever did!
More recently, I've been trying to find someone with good communication and people skills to help launch a social enterprise I've been working towards for a long time, but couldn't find anyone. Maybe it's a bit of a Catch 22 type situation, where I need to be a good communicator to be able to find the good communicator I need because I'm not a good enough communicator! This was while I was aware that Aspergers may be the problem, but before it was recognised by the NHS and I was put on the waiting list for a diagnosis. I've put that project on hold now.
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I became self-employed nearly 30 years ago, and wish I'd known then whether or not I have Aspergers. I'd have known the situations where I struggle with things that most people can handle, the things that I see differently, and could have taken advantage of the good things about having a brain that works differently. I currently feel in limbo waiting for a diagnosis, trying to understand why the new business ideas I've been working on recently haven't worked, and if it's Aspergers related, and needing to decide what to do next without some important information that I won't get for another six months or so.
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I find it frustrating that for decades no one, as far I remember, has ever made any sort of comment that suggested there might be something wrong/different. I think I've learned to put on a good act, so maybe it's not obvious now, but surely someone must have spotted something unusual over all those years. Maybe it's the British stiff upper lip, and total inability to communicate on any sort of deep level. Although I was like that too until almost 10 years ago.
I was going to the local mental health support workshop, where I spent almost all my time in the computer room working on a project that I was struggling with at home. Recently I was talking to one of the staff who commented on how she couldn't see why I went there, when I was totally self contained, and didn't need any support, or anyone else. I've suspected that's how I come across for some time, but that's the first time someone has confirmed how great my acting is! If my act is that good, it puts me in a really difficult situation, as it seems pretty obvious that I'm covering things up so well, that no one notices that I actually need some help. If I tell anyone I'm not feeling well, or I'm not dealing with things I need to, they rubbish it, as I look fit, healthy and perfectly fine. But all my connections with other people are superficial, and I never make really deep meaningful connections. I'm always on the edge of every thing and every relationship. I don't really read signals, and don't think I send them either. But no one seems to notice any of that. Or maybe they do, but I don't notice that they do.
I've kept going like this for decades, but as I get older I'm running out of energy.
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You make some good points, Monicah... and you give some good advice, Confused. I agree with you completely.
Thanks for that useful bit of feedback Mihaela. I'm wary of saying too much, as it might turn out I haven't got it at all, and I might be misleading people. So far, the only person I've talked to who I know has Aspergers reckons I have it too, so bits of reassurance that I'm on the right track are really helpful.
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I was on it for while, the only time in my life I've taken prescription anti-depressants. I don't remember feeling sleepy because of it, but it was several years ago. After a few months I decided I didn't want to take it any more, so I decided to reduce the amount I took gradually. I halved the dose and felt OK, so after a few weeks of that I stopped taking it entirely, with no adverse effects. Of course that doesn't mean it would work for other people.
I thought at the time that my main problem was depression, but I've since worked out for myself that stress and anxiety came before the depression, and I suspect that was caused by my difficulty connecting with people people because of Aspergers, but I've got a good few months to wait before I get a diagnosis. So to me, treating depression is dealing with a sympton, rather than the cause.
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I don't know about other people, but those are the sort of questions I'd have trouble asking, and making sure I got acceptable answers to, with people who aren't on the same wavelength as me. I'd need to ask them in a carefully thought out and written e-mail or letter.
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Traveller, if you could change yourself into a 'normal' would you do it?
From seeing an organisation I've just got involved in, definitely not! I'm possibly the one with a communication problem, and because of that I'm learning the importance of communication, and how to do it properly. The supposedly NT people involved don't seem to have a clue about the importance of effective communication, and how disfunctional the organisation is!
Not having had any children, I'm only aware of the current education system from bits I read about it, so can't comment on how best to handle your current situation. I get the impression the system is pretty unenlightened, and doesn't like nonconformity though. I think my potential Aspergers is mild enough not to have caused me actual problems at school. I just missed out on a lot of things I wasn't aware of, or didn't know how to handle.
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I saw the mental health nurse twice. She suggested Aspergers near the start of the first appointment, and immediatley started asking the relevant questions. Then she got the rest of the information at the next session. Both sessions were an hour long. After the second meeting she wrote up all the information and passed it on, and within a few weeks I was put on the waiting list, which is 10 months here.
I've seen the doctor several times in recent years for depression, and already had counselling, a period on anti-depressants, and been referred to the local mental health workshop/support centre. So I think I've done enough mental health stuff already! It's a slow process, that took 50 years to start getting anywhere, and nearly another 10 to get this far!!!!
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The mental health nurse I saw just collected information she was asked for, and passed it on to the experts. It probably depends where you live how the system works. In Wales there is a specialist service that does the diagnosis. They assess the information sent to them, and decide whether to put you on the waiting list.
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I mentioned the possibility of Aspergers to my doctor several years ago. He listened, but didn't really say anything that showed he agreed or disagreed with me. He didn't suggest an assessment, although I didn't ask for one either.
I actually went to the doctor with chest pains last year, and she decided it was probably stress, although I had my heart checked too and it's OK. I was referred to the mental health people, who sent me on a stress management course. The course wasn't very good, but had some useful material, and I realised that I'd had stress and anxiety since I was very young, long before my depression started in my teens. After the course, I asked what else they could do, and had an appointment with a mental health nurse. She suggested Aspergers, and we had two hour long sessions where she asked a lot of preliminary questions. She sent the results to the ASD assessment people for my region, and they put me on the waiting list.
So maybe go along with the mental health, stress and anxiety suggestion, and see where that leads. I think the mental health people have far more time available for appointments, and the right ones probably know more about Aspergers anyway.
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As someone who is on the waiting list for a diagnosis, that will happen close to my 60th birthday, I wish I'd known decades ago. I suspect I have fairly mild Aspergers, enough that no one appears to have noticed or made any kind of suggestion that there might be something wrong for almost all of my life, but enough to cause me problems that I may have been better able to cope with if I'd known. Of course when I was 6, no one knew anything about all this stuff anyway, so it wouldn't have happened then unless my symptoms were extreme, and I would have probably got totally unsuitable and harmful "treatment".
My concern is what happens if I'm told it's not Aspergers/ASD. My experience of the health service is that they can't cope with looking at a problem and finding the cause and a solution, but they pick up on one possible cause, find out if you've got it, and if you haven't, they discharge you, and you have to start all over again. They don't seem to grasp the idea of saying "no it's not that, so let's find out what it is".
But right now, I want to know if there is something wrong/different, and what it is, so I can do my best to deal with it. If I'd known when I was young, I might have been able to do things differently.
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I'm on the waiting list for an assessment, that will probably happen close to my 60th birthday. The first suggestion of it was 6 or 7 years ago when a new friend I'd spent a lot of time talking to asked me if I had Aspergers. I just replied no, and no more was said. She has a friend with it, so I assume she recognised some signs. Since then, I've gradually worked out for myself that I may have it. It was then spotted recently by a mental health nurse, who I hadn't mentioned it to, who gathered preliminary data and passed it to the people who do the assessments, who put me on the waiting list. So presumably that means they think there's a good possibility that I have it.
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Hi
in Meet & Greet
With regard to my son I'm curious as to how much of his behaviour/traits could be learned behaviour from his Dad or if there is a definite genetic link that would make it more probable to be aspergers? Any thoughts or views would be appreciated...
I'm curious about that too, as I can see some aspects of it in my Dad (who died years ago), my much older half brother, and my Dads younger brother (also long dead). My other half brother, who I reckon is NT if the others did have it, has always thought the family was a bit odd, and used to refer to himself as the black sheep of it! I'd say the characteristics are quite mild, like I think mine are, apart from my uncle, who was a socially inept nerd (he repaired old TVs and radios in those days, but I'm sure would be a real computer nerd if he was alive now).
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I think my Aspergers, if that's what it is, is fairly mild. I recognise what you describe, but I'm also very aware that I struggle to keep my place organised and tidy. But then so do a lot of NT people! For years I felt like I was lazy, but also that there was something more to it. I think I'm aware of all the social norms, but struggle to comply with many of them. It's as though the part of me that handles much of this is missing, but as it's missing I don't know exactly what it is that is missing!
I've got a meet up with a couple of Aspies and a support worker in a couple of weeks. I'm curious to know if they spot things in me they recognise, and might understand things that I struggle to get across to other people. I hope they do, as it will suggest I'm on the right track!
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I live on my own, apart from my dog, and suspect Aspergers may be the reason for that. But it's not really knowing what it is that's frustrating. I could get to the end of the 10 month waiting list and find out it's not Aspergers after all. Then I'd need to try to find another answer. At the moment I don't know which, if any, of my thoughts and actions are different to "normal" people, as I get very little useful feedback. With the situation I'm in at the moment I need to know, but haven't yet discovered a way to find out.
The part of my life when I think I got on best was the two and a half years after I sold my house and went travelling. Life was much simpler, as it was just me, my dog and my motorhome, and it was very rare to have pressure or deadlines. It fooled me into thinking I'd dealt with a lot of my stuff though, so when that life ended I got into a far more complicated situation than I've ever been in, and realised that nothing had changed.
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I don't know if this helps, but I'm on the waiting list for a diagnosis, so don't yet know if I have it or not. I think I learned to adapt and get by fairly well for 50 years without having any idea what, if anything, was different about me. In the last 10 years my life has changed a lot, and got pretty stressful, and it's really highlighting my concerns about having a communication problem, that I think is at the root of the reasons why I've got into this situation, and can't get out of it. So I think that changing circumstances and stress can make a difference.
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I'm sure that's true Waterboatman. One of the times I came across the possibility that I may have Aspergers, was when I was reading up on the relationship between empathetic people and sociopaths, which came out of me trying to understand why politicians and big business leaders operate in the way they do. That led me to the Empathy Spectrum as defined by Simon Baron Cohen, which everyone is located somewhere on. So I presume that we are all on lots of different spectrums, and that Aspies can also be highly empathic (even if they have trouble communicating this), or can also be sociopaths. So we're all a mix of everything.
When I did Simon Baron Cohen's empathy test, I came up with a low score that's described as being typical of someone with Aspergers. This was rather surprising, as I'd been starting to think that I am more empathetic than I had realised. It's all very complicated and confusing, so it's fortunate that the possibility of Aspergers was spotted recently by a health professional, rather than just by my self diagnosis.
Fuming again over online bullying I always get (as people do not understand autistic brains)
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I've been very active on Facebook, and it was/is my main source of news about what's going on in the world. Almost all my friends are involved in environmental, political or other important and meaningful stuff, and anyone whose newsfeed contains more than a very occasional game score or trivial comment about what they had for breakfast gets blocked. A limited number of cute cat pictures is fine, and unlimited cute dog pictures even better, as I post them too! But a couple of months ago, I got overwhelmed by all the bad stuff going on in the world, and couldn't cope with people however much they're on my wavelength, and totally switched off from Facebook, as well as most of the world outside it.
I'd like to get back to Facebook, but without the worst of what's happening in the world. There are various groups and pages I run, or am an admin of, that may be in chaos by now, or where I've lost all my credibility by suddenly disappearing. I've been trying to do my bit to make the world a better place for some years, while at the same time slowly starting to discover that the reason I'm failing is probably due to things I didn't know about myself. Sitting here waiting 10 months for an Aspergers diagnosis (or not), has just made me switch off from it all.
This post isn't really about me though, it's really meant to show that Facebook doesn't have to be an unsafe place. By having the right friends, some of whom I've never met, or only met briefly, it can be a source of so much valuable knowledge. I've learned a lot about the world, different ways of thinking, mental and other health stuff, and lots more. And I've never been bullied. I'm trying to work out how to get back there but avoid the stuff I can't handle at the moment. I know that my friends will either be pleased to see me back, or at least indifferent to the fact I've been gone for a while, but I'm concerned about the relentless bad news about how the world is being screwed up that will come with it.