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I just wanted to update- we're just back from the ADOS and have a confirmed diagnosis of Autism. We agreed to avoid an Aspergers diagnosis to avoid problems with self identity if/when the term aspergers becomes obsolete. We're so relieved. Happy that this will not entitle us to attend support groups with out the worry that we're wrong about our son. I feel vindicated, I was right. I fought for him and I was right to do so. Thank you for your support, it is greatly appreciated.

Wow, you've gone through so much. Your son is very lucky to have you x I'm really not sure about the loo thing. I *think* it might be the hustle and bustle. He says that he worries even when he's alone (perhaps worrying that the hustle and bustle is imminent) but he has clarified that no one is being unkind and he doesn't feel threatened by the big kids. It could be germs- I had emetophobia for a good few years and while I tried to hide it as best I could, it's not easy with 2 small children picking up bugs. He's not worried about handwashing at home though and still wets himself here fairly regularly (he always just wets his pants as he's taking them down, so probably a case of not getting to the loo on time rather than full on wetting himself). We love him (and his sister!) so dearly, we just want him to be happy.

Thank you all so much, you've really reassured me that I'm doing the right thing in fighting his corner. I know his behaviour isn't normal and his anxiety level can not go on at this level (I know it wont', I know it will get worse as he hits puberty). I've been told so many times that he's 'just quirky' or had that patronising 'yes dear' kind of smile from friends and family that I keep doubting my gut feeling. You've given me enough gusto to at least get as far as the ados on thursday. I may well be back in tears on Thursday night though, asking what to do now they've said he's NT! I've been on a course today (TEACCH) and i'm exhausted. I'll re-read your responses tomorrow and may well post more questions. Thanks again x

thanks for your replies. Lindy how do you work out what the cause of the anxiety is? My son isn't usually able to articulate the issues until some time later (often months later).

My son is 7. He's heading towards the final part of assessment for Aspegers. I'm not a medic but from what I've read, I strongly feel he has aspergers. He's got an ADOS scheduled for Thursday so I'm sure we'll know for sure soon. The one thing that keeps causing me grief is the lack of symptoms being presented at school. I know that shouldn't be a problem but we have so many issues at home where he can't cope with anxiety or the rest of us not living to his self imposed restrictions (we don't know what they are most of the time!) we're all picked at, whinged and and party to some hideous abuse. But at school he's bright, settled and socially fits with in the norms. His teachers say he's a little quirky but nothing else. He's not fine at school - worries about play time (worries about physically losing his friends, who I suspect are starting to struggle with his over friendly then a little bit grumpy behaviour) and going to the loo are causing lack of sleep and lots of stress at home. But he simply won't tell anyone- even with me there, having told the teachers that he's told of us concerns, he goes on to deny it in front of his teacher! He also appears to approach friends in an acceptable way. His eye contact isn't great but he waits his turn to speak at school. We can't get him to do this at home at all though. Why is it he can stick to the rules at school (we have definitely talked about these sorts of rules from when he was tiny with him) but not at home? I'm at a loss really how to cope. I'm quite sure we won't get a diagnosis on this basis that everything seems so fine at school (and when he attends out of school clubs/goes to the childminder etc) Has anyone ever come across this? Any aspies who feel that they bottle it all up in public but can let it out freely at home? I'd love to hear if this may well mean he's not an aspie, despite all the other 'boxes' being ticked.

Hi I've had similar woes from people thinking I was over reacting- or that is how I perceived it as they (friends, family, school) tried to 'reassure' me when I explained my concerns- which only really served to make me feel like I was unable to cope when everyone else could. I first pushed for assessment when my son was 3 and was told he was just very bright and bright children are quirky. This time last year, when he was 6, I had reached the end of my tether and asked to be referred again. I told the school and the head told me he was fine, just picking up on my anxiety (as I was 'very clearly an incredibley nervous person'-so would you be if you were surviving on 3 hours sleep every night due to your son being up!). She also told me I was clearly unable to cope with my own children. Anyway, the Dr took our case to the weekly meeting at the practice- they all agreed to refer us to the comm paed. They went to panel and agreed to put us on their wating list. We were first seen by the comm paed in April. She agreed there was sufficient cause for concern and highlighted possible aspergers. WE were referred to sleep solutions, dietician and occupational therapy. The Educational Psycologist needed to go in to observe him at school but the school wouldn't allow her in- we moved schools and he was finally seen by the EP in November. The EP report was inconclusive- he's happy at school and copes very well there (it's at home we have the problems with anxiety etc all coming out). He's got an ADOS booked for Thursday where we should know one way or the other. Our journey has been a quick one from what I can gather in our area. Good luck, keep on fighting.