cookie87

Thank you for all your help and advice baddad, I called the speech and language office today and they are going to carry out a common assessment framework, which will involve the school, the doctors, social services, speech and language specialists and the police, so we will just have to sit tight and await the outcome of this.

I didn't say she is odd because she has ASD, but she is just an odd person. The reason I think she is the one who has ASD and not her son is because all the problems eminate from her.

I am going to ignore all of your comments JSMum as it is clear you are getting on the offense because you feel defensive, despite the fact I have not made any comments on your parenting or your situation. I have reported you as you have come onto a 'Help and Advice' forum not to provide help or advice but merely to bash other people in an attempt to defend yourself for god knows what reason. Therefore I suggest you stop posting on this thread.

To JSMum, I am not trying to discredit his mother in anyway, as stated in previous posts we have my stepson for weeks at a time, for one of these weeks I took him to school and back each day as my partner had to work. I had absolutely NO problems as always. It is not just us either it is literally anyone but his mother. On the way to school one of the mornings I met the mother of one of his many friends, who informed me that when my stepson went round her house for dinner, he was a perfect angel, but as soon as his mum turned up to pick him up he turned into a monster. We don't think he has ASD at all. However if the teachers agreed with his mother and if a longer assessment had been done, and a speech and language report carried out and a home assessment done at our house and the mothers house, and they still said he had ASD I would happily believe it and actively seek support, and do whatever I could to support his mother. However until this happens I just can't justify it. I would also like to add that although she doesn't work (and no she is not a single mother she has had a boyfriend for the past 5 years who she lives with) she has not attended any meetings nor has she accepted any of the help that has been offered to her. And in response to baddad you are correct, his mother claims he can't make friends because of his 'autism' yet when we pick him up he is usually playing with about 6 or 7 other children, and he plays with all the children on our street. Also recently when we were on holiday he made lots of friends and told us his most favourite bit about the holiday was meeting new friends. By the way thank you baddad for seeing logic and understanding me instead of jumping on my back and getting defensive like certain other posters on this thread. This may be contraversial but I think a lot of single mothers don't appreciate how hard it is for fathers and they do use their child as a bargaining tool, as many of them still have bitterness about their break up and do not put the needs of their child above their own pettiness. Luckily my stepsons mother isn't like this - she is just quite odd and in my opinion the one with ASD.# Regards

To JSMum, I am not trying to discredit his mother in anyway, as stated in previous posts we have my stepson for weeks at a time, for one of these weeks I took him to school and back each day as my partner had to work. I had absolutely NO problems as always. It is not just us either it is literally anyone but his mother. On the way to school one of the mornings I met the mother of one of his many friends, who informed me that when my stepson went round her house for dinner, he was a perfect angel, but as soon as his mum turned up to pick him up he turned into a monster. We don't think he has ASD at all. However if the teachers agreed with his mother and if a longer assessment had been done, and a speech and language report carried out and a home assessment done at our house and the mothers house, and they still said he had ASD I would happily believe it and actively seek support, and do whatever I could to support his mother. However until this happens I just can't justify it. I would also like to add that although she doesn't work (and no she is not a single mother she has had a boyfriend for the past 5 years who she lives with) she has not attended any meetings nor has she accepted any of the help that has been offered to her. And in response to baddad you are correct, his mother claims he can't make friends because of his 'autism' yet when we pick him up he is usually playing with about 6 or 7 other children, and he plays with all the children on our street. Also recently when we were on holiday he made lots of friends and told us his most favourite bit about the holiday was meeting new friends. By the way thank you baddad for seeing logic and understanding me instead of jumping on my back and getting defensive like certain other posters on this thread. This may be contraversial but I think a lot of single mothers don't appreciate how hard it is for fathers and they do use their child as a bargaining tool, as many of them still have bitterness about their break up and do not put the needs of their child above their own pettiness. Luckily my stepsons mother isn't like this - she is just quite odd and in my opinion the one with ASD.# Regards

Thats exactly why we're getting so frustrated. The doctor is just a normal family doctor and doesn't specialise in that field. His mother took him to a group of specialists and explained her situation (god knows what she told them) and they sent out a referral form to his teacher and her (we were not aware of this while it was going on, she did not involved my partner nor did she notify them of his existence) the teacher completed the referral form with no difficulties at all, and she completed the form with extreme difficulties (it was multiple choice questionnaire thing), she then got an appointment with the doctor and in that appointment the doctor diagnosed my stepson with ASD. My partner explained that his name is on his son's birth certificate and as per new family law, has full parental rights. The doctor told my partner that he could get in trouble for just talking to my partner (this I find highly suspicious as my partner has every right to every bit of information about his son) Regards

In addition we don't need time, we need someone to do a speech and language assessment as require before an ASD diagnosis is made. We have spoken to specialists who have seen my stepsons case and they were shocked that a report hadn't been carried out as it is necessary for a diagnosis to be made.

We have already tried to start custody proceedings and my partner was told he had to go to mediation first as was told that fathers generally get a bad deal in court despite the mothers lifestyle (she is not abusing her son in anyway nor has he been in danger at all) my partner went through mediation and because she agreed to everything the mediation officer said in the meetings it never went to court nor could it - she then disregarded everything she agreed to once out of the meetings.

His mother doesn't have much time for him, she won't let us have him permanently because she would lose her benefits, so we have him a lot, he stays with us for weeks at a time, we have him pretty much every weekend and during the weekend for dinner or to stay over. Sometimes we'll just take him out for the day also so that he gets out. He is very comfortable with us and the situation as it has been this way since he was 2 so he knows no difference. He doesn't have any stability at hers however, she lets him tell her what to do, she has moved house 6 times in the past 2 years because she either wrecks the house so gets evicted (i.e by letting her boyfriend chew up Jaffa cakes and spit them at her wall) or gets bored/restless so moves. We have been in the same house for 4 years and he always has routine and knows what is expected of him. We also spend time as a family as opposed to going round peoples houses and getting drunk infront of him and letting him stay up until 2 o'clock in the morning. Regards

Yes when he is at his mothers he doesn't behave at school, when he stays at ours he gets headteachers awards and his behaviour is perfect. This has nothing to do with any feelings about each other, I am very nice to his mum and will try to help her anyway I can, the same with my partner, I am merely stating facts. My stepson does not need help at school, he gets help because of the ASD diagnosis, despite the fact he doesn't need it. If he was at our's permanently there would be no unauthorised absences and his record would be impeccable. I think you may be a bit naive about how custody works - we can't afford to pay for court and solicitors fees, nor would we necessarily be successful despite how detrimental she is to her son or how beneficial we are for him and how much better a life he can have at ours. My mother works very closely with social services and has seen heroine addicted mothers maintain custody of their children despite the father being a better choice - merely because the courts views is that a child is better off with the mother (this I agree with for the first few years of a child life - but after 3 or 4 years I don't think it matters if they aren't with their mum) not only this but we would have to have some sort of photographic evidence, and it would be very hard to explain us going to her house at night or in the day to try and take a picture of her. Regards

Thank you for replying. She informed the doctor that my stepson knows the name of every single dinosaur- he doesn't, he always has to ask me what the name of a dinosaur is - he calls t-rex's and brachiosaurus's 'sharptooth' and 'longneck' (like off the land before time) as this was one of his favourite films when he was diagnosed. She said he always watches washing machines spinning - he stays with us quite a lot and has not once taken much notice of the washing machine (apart from once when he was fiddling with the buttons and dial LOL) she said he gets stressed in crowded places like supermarkets and swimming pools and sits in the middle of the establishment and rocks himself -- this has never happened, we take him to loads of places like Legoland, London, the sealife centre and shopping centres - this has never happened, his mother also takes him to zoos, indoor waterparks and is always going into the town centre with him. She stated that Charlie can remember things from when he was a newborn -- this is not humanly possible nor is it true - Charlie states he can't remember things that we talk about from when he was a baby up until the age of about 5 (which is completely normal) she also states that he lines all his toys up and is very particular about tidiness -- now his room is very tidy at our house because I tidy it when he leaves and ask him to make his bed in the morning - his room at his mothers house is like something off the life of grime - it's disgusting and it worries me a lot. His mother takes speed and so it is very difficult to have any sort of coherent conversation with her. Also in regards to knowledge on ASD my father has Aspergers and my partner and I did a lot research into ASD once we were flippantly informed of the ASD diagnosis. I would like to again state that his teachers also do not think he has ASD -- just behavioural issues. Regards Cookie87

My partner and I really need some advice about what to do about my 6yr old stepson. He was diagnosed with Autism a couple of years ago, we weren't informed until about 6 months later by his mother who casually dropped it into conversation. We requested a copy of the medical report with the diagnosis on it. Everything that his mother had told the doctor were outright lies, and the doctor diagnosed my stepson with Autism without a speech and language report (despite this being the normal process) as it would take more time!?! The doctor also felt that my stepson had Autism due to the fact he was unable to behave at the doctors (this is nothing unusual when he is with his mother - he doesn't act like this with anyone else). So my partner went to see the doctor who refused to talk to him and refused to assess my stepson in the doctors office with my partner. After this however the doctor reduced the diagnosis to 'mild autism' as opposed to 'normal autism'. After much fighting we managed to get some referral forms sent to us and my stepson's mother for consideration of a speech and language report (I should probably inform you now that our referral forms and the teachers forms have conflicted with his mothers) we completed our form and sent this back along with the doctors report and our concerns regarding the misinformation given to the doctor. However again it conflicted with his mothers so no report was carried out. We are now at a loss - we don't understand why if we're saying he's not doing any of the things she says he does they aren't looking into it? My stepson's mother is motivated by money to keep the ASD diagnosis as this provides her with £70 per week. Her little sister has autism and all she talks about is how much money her parents get and what things they can buy with it, so we are both very suspicious of her. I'm going to phone the speech and language office to discuss this further but want some advice on what to say before I do -- HELP!!!