Number8

Of course you are al absolutley right. One fact is yes I do not really trust SOME of the company he keeps, but as he tells us we do not know them. Also the fact is, I guess, I do not want to let him go, too protective. I am scared............I am frightened he will get hurt, by what I do not know. He is vulnerable, naive, easy lead and that is what I am scared of. I will try all your advises and let you now how we get on after the hols.

Thanks Ben N Sound advise by everyone, and yes I am as confused as anybody else, looking for inspiration I guess. when trying to set home rules we get the "Ohhhh hear we go again" then the strop off. He is getting over a fall out with a girl at the moment so we are treading softly softly, and we are all going on vacation for a week so it gets him away from that environment. I am hoping this will be a time for bonding and talking without any outside influence. As you all know communication is not his strong point, a grunt here and there is the summation of his replies to us many times over. We are having the threats too now about leaving home. Last week was a good example when he lost his phone and we couldn't contact him. I went on the search to find the needle in a hay stack and did, knowing the area where he said he was going. I actually found the needle and he said he didn't intend to come home because, emotionally, he was struggling and did not want to hear a load of moaning from his mum and me so I am trying to find that balance between structured advise without being too soft. It seams like it is good cop bad cop at home at the moment with his mum bad cop, this is unusual and is causing some friction between us two. Looks like I might need the valium soon, lol. I let you know how next week turns out.

Thanks to you all for your advise, it's good to know we are not alone in the world. Just a little more on my son. Volenteering - he has in the past , staff support in one of the best Special Needs Scshools in the coountry. He stopped this because they were only using his IT skills on simple projects rather than supporting the children generally. He felt it difficult to tell the senior staff what his objectives were, what he wanted to achieve from this service he was providing or how he felt he could best support the school with his skills set. He wouldn't let us phone and tell them either so he stopped. He supports some local charity sporting events which is great either by stewrding or partaking. Then again, some companies see volenteers as "slave labour" and is the reason for encouraging volenteers so we make sure he is not " taken for a ride" in this respect. Socialising - We encourage him to go to his friends so he gets away from his TV/computer and games stations but like many youngsters I see he never has his phone out of eyesight or his hand and continually lets his batter run down to nothing so we cannot contact him. I'm going to buy him a mobile wind up charger for those times I think. He does not tell us much about most of his friends, contact numbers or addresses so me and his mum get stressed and worried when he is out because we do not have a port of call if we need to contact him urgently. He loves most sports and is lucky to live local to his favourite football and his favourite cricket clubs.. However, I am unsure about him mixing with football growds, probably because I am love Rugby union and there is a different mind set with rugby fans. I know, they can be just as rowdy in a very childish way. I have bought us both season tickets for the best RUFC in the country so that will help us bond. ASD support - he now goes to ASPIRE which is great becuase it is very difficult to get a place with this organisation,this is helping with his job searching and social interaction. He does support in the house fiancially, but sorry to say this, me and his mum do tend to spoil him, just like we did his sister. His sister is a clinical psychologist so does give us some guidence and some strategies but she is too close so does not want to get too envolved. We do encourage him to help in the house, washing up, clean the car, tidy his room. At times this also gets very stressful because he gets very stroppy. At the moment it easier to let him off and don't upset all the household rather than keep on at him. I know, this is the tail wagging the dog. Last week was a horror week but this week is going great - we had a talk and we decided we will do something together at least once a week, play golf, go to Rugby, football (if I have to, lol)etc. following the advise I had from my new aquaintances. Sorry - for going on but this is the 1st time I feel I can offlaod to peoplek in the same boat, especially those of youo who can empathise with my son becuase they are in his position. It make me feel better and this can only benefit my siuation in providiing the best home environemtn for my son which can only result in his happiness. It becuase I love him very much and do not want to lose him as a son and/or a friend. THANKS FOR "LISTENING"

My 1st post. I am the father of a 21 year lad with Asperger's syndrome. I found this site in desperation because at the moment he is going through what I would call his stroppy teenager phase. He is having major mood swings, stropping off when me and his mum try to give him parental advise, spends all his home time on his own in his bedroom playing on the XBox. He is mixing with "friends" below his age group 16/17. He will not answer his mobile when we try to find out if he is OK or when he is coming home. It is doing my head in and making me unwell. I keep thinking he is on drugs because he is acting strange, but I do think he is more sensible than that. He cannot get a job which is frustrating him beyond belief and he is becoming very lethargic, couldn't care less if he does or he doesn't now. We can't get out of him what his real vocation in life is so helping him, and guiding him in the right direction is difficult. I guess you can feel from my few words above that I would like to know if anybody can suggest ways to help. I am sure I me and his mother are not in a unique situation, and neither is my son unique in his difficulties. I look forward to hearing from you and welcome your suggestions on coping strategies.