jac on the edge

Thanks Mel My son is also intelligent but has never tried- homework, studying, etc. He's never put much effort into gaining things for himself to improve his life. I too foolishly thought that it was fantastic when he left school (all that additional pressure fell away. J went to a mainstream school and though he was diagnosed at the end of 2nd year, by 6th year there was still very little understanding of what having Asperger's meant)as I expected him to sort of click into being an adult. I'm lucky, he does have friends and is in the routine of going out Friday nights with them. This group is ever dwindling as they move away to go to Uni or College, so he will have less and less opportunity to socialise. J doesn't see himself as being any different to anyone else around him and he is unaware of a lot of his difficulties. This means that any tactic involving 'disability' support is a non-starter. He did decide to go to Glasgow to do a music course last year. He applied and then sat back even though we told him to phone the college. It turned out to be the only course of it's type in Scotland, and the only one he would be willing to give a go but with only 30 places it was clear competition would be great. J couldn't see this and spent the whole time expecting to get a place- he didn't. This is how it works with him, one thing at a time, no hedging bets, which makes everything very slow to progress. He may be depressed (he says not, even though his favourite saying is 'stop the world I want to get off'). Oh dear!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, I'm not good at working this forum. My son left school with plenty of qualifications, surprising really as he never looked at a book. It would be impractical for me to remove access to all the home comforts, and anyway, he only gets up when I come in from work so he's not using them. He does pay board and extra for internet access. We've got the forms for council housing but he refused to consider the idea. I don't believe that he is capable of managing his affairs, he won't use the phone, reply to letters, etc. I love my son but I just don't know how to help him.

Sorry, I don't think I made it very clear- my son's job ended after 10 months, that was 15 months ago. Sorry for the confusion. However, it makes sense that he is putting off becoming an adult and facing the repsonsibilities that this brings. He thinks it's all gloom and doom in real life- it's not hard to see why. How am I going to convince him otherwise?

Hi My son is 19. He left school on the very last day possible and started work the following Monday. He hated it and would often not even bother going in, though he would leave the house just before my return from work and come in at the expected time. His employer has an Autistic daughter a little older than my son and though he was fantastically understanding and patient he had to let my son go after 10 months. Since then my son has spent most of his time in his room, sleeping all day, awake all night, interacting minimally with the rest of the family. He thinks applying for 1 job every couple of months is making an effort, but though he has had a few interviews he's so far not been offered any work. We've tried removing his laptop and TV to try to get him to go to bed and get up at the right ends of the day- with no luck. We've tried phonig from our work to wake him, still no luck. We've even given up (for our own sanity) in the vain hope that he'd just figure it out himself. Unfortunately, I'm now beginning to feel like a complete failure as a mother as I've run out of ideas for how to motivate him to begin living a life (it feels as though he just exists in a bubble). Is he always going to be like this, will he come out the other end at some point? Why am I starting to believe that my 12 year old daughter will be leaving home before him? Has anyone any advice, I am pretty desperate, Jac