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About tdewar

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    Norfolk Broads
  • Birthday 08/07/1992

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  1. Hi, I'm a male with Aspergers and just finished a 3 year course at University. Even though I did great academically I didn't get much out of things socially even though I did try and join a few societies. I feel this is due to me having anxiety in places I feel unfamiliar with and it takes me time to get to know and trust new people. I feel my life is passing by and I'm constantly missing out on great experiences with great people. I have only a few close friends and struggle with talking to the opposite sex. I feel I have so much to offer but due to my lack of confidence and fear of being judged I'm too afraid to try and put myself out there which is incredibly frustrating and I usually just don't have the energy. I've often tried online dating but given it up due to lack of interest which I take personally in thinking that I'm unattractive to women and upsets me. Ultimately I just want to feel content, happy and secure in myself but these worries seem to be really distracting my mind right now. Maybe I need to learn to be more patient but I just feel so fed up at the mo. I know I may sound quite negative in this post but just feel overloaded and just seem to be going round in circles as my social life is concerned, any advice would be very much appreciated
  2. Hi. In the last few days my mood has dropped and have felt low for long periods of time. I have not been able to enjoy anything and seem to have this negative attitude towards everything. I know that these are classic symptoms of depression but let me explain that I have been treated and am on medication to help lift my mood. My sleep pattern is very mixed and in the last 2 days have been going back to bed during the day because I feel lethargic. I don't know if this is to do with my medication but I am currently on prozac 10ml a day and 2 tables of Olanzapine? in the morning and evening. I am also suffering from other problems. I tend to build up my frustration over time and then lose it. A good example was yesterday when I was feeling very uptight and my personal assistant asked if anything was the matter. I said no, but after she left I rang my mum and when she said something about me being the only person who can improve my socializing and she didn't know what to do I said "Well I might as well just f***ing kill myself then!" I then threw things across the room and damaged my iphone out of fury, I then laid there sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. I am on a college course at the moment but there is this girl who recently joined my class who I want to talk to but am too nervous or have this fear i will say something wrong. I know I should just do it like my parents say but I am ###### when it comes to socializing with the opposite sex. Most of my friends are male who have already have had a relationship. Jesus I can't even talk to them let alone have a relationship!!! I also LOATHE Facebook. People hardly ever talked to me or liked any of my posts and most of my "friends" wouldn't talk to me, I have been off and on (I have deactivated me account numerous times including today) and when I see other people posting other people's photos and talking with their friends I feel left out. It was like nobody cared what I had to put. I don't care that I'm not on. If it upsets me then it's not worth it, I hardly go out and am very nervous of any social situation. I tried driving tests but failed 5 times and the last one was a disaster. I was so upset I literally had to have my driving instructor who was sitting in the back to drive me back to the test centre. Again I had a blowout of my frustration after failing so many times. I tend to feel most depressed when I am on my own. I feel isolated and lonely. I even think I'm a waste of space. My memory is also bad. I can barely remember the past and am always forgetting where I've put things. I seriously cant see where my life is going. Everyone says I am improving but I really don't see it. I don't feel like going to college tomorrow. I don't see the point. I feel my life is pointless. What sort of life is it when I'm feeling very low and not enjoying anything and having blowouts and feeling ###### afterwards.
  3. Hi guys I'm Tom, I've not posted in a while but I should be back for a while. Anyways, I am a 20 year old male and was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 3. School was tough and suffered from a bad case of depression but overcame it and am now living in a flat independently. However there have been many issues I have been struggling with in the last 2 weeks. My mood has been up and down "like a yoyo" over the last week. And I can pinpoint what is to blame; upset over a girl I (still) like who went to my school. You see, I struggle talking to girls. I really do want to have the confidence but I get nervous or don't know what to say to them. Especially around the ones I have feelings for. Anyway, this girl left me a birthday message, and I thought "Maybe she wants to get back in contact!" We hadn't spoken for about 4 years. She was very friendly with me when we were kids, but our friendship drifted apart in Secondary School when she had her own circle of friends. So I left her a general message asking how she was and to thank her for remembering my birthday. I literally waited for about 4 days, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head that she might reply. What I didn't realize was that she was in a relationship. I would feel low just thinking about it and I would regularly check my Facebook to see if she sent anything back. In the end, I just deleted the message and moved on. Seriously some nights before I was in tears. One night I was so low that I had to spend the night at my parents house. I haven't had a relationship yet. I am a very kind person but suffer from anxiety. I just don't want my youth to pass me by. I've had enough regrets as it is. Intermission: Sorry if this sounds negative, but had to get this off my chest ^_^ Also, I barely go out. I struggle with my own age group unless I know people. I do feel lonely often in my flat, and my parents have been concerned. People have commented I seem quiet or withdrawn. I sometimes look back at the past and wonder if I could have done anything different. I also tend to be negative when I can't manage my problems and takes me a while to get over it. I seriously don't know how to make things better. The one thing I really want is confidence, but first I need to accept myself. Any advice?
  4. tdewar

    So close!

    Hi, it's Tom. Oh my god, i was so close to passing my driving test today. It was my first time as well, though i actually did better than i thought (I'll get to that) I only got ONE serious fault, and that was simply because at a junction i stopped and then changed to second gear instead of first, and i stalled, even though i fixed it, it was definitely a fail because i stuck out in the road. Damn. When i got back i couldn't believe it, just if i changed gear, i would have a driving license by now. So frustrated its untrue. Even though i did better than i performed in my mock exams, only 10 driving faults...ugh, seriously you have no idea how much a pain in the ass this is. I stayed relatively calm, and afterwards my instructor who was there said he thought i did well but this whole event has been bothering me all day. I feel like a failure and generally feel annoyed and fed up with the outcome... I just need to forget about it but it's burned in my mind how close i was, advice anyone? Thanks, Tom
  5. Hi, I was diagnosed with ASD since I was 3 and although I am a hIgh functioning Aspie I am constantly anxious due to bad experiences at school (Once being attacked) and suffering from severe depression. I have some friends at college, mostly autistic, but when I ask them to meet up at the weekend nothing results. Most weekends I'm stuck at home because of this and I don't really like walking into my nearby village on my own. My best mate (Not an aspie) is at Uni and busy with his course. I spend alot of time playing on my laptop but sometimes this can be excessive I don't know if I'm addicted, bored or both. I constantly seek reassurance from people and feel like I'm under threat and find it difficult to express or stand up for myself I'm nearly 20 and never had a girlfriend i don't know what I could say to them and don't have the confidence or proactiveness to ask one out and there are very few girls at my college, one or two I liked but they've left Im residential at col and get nervous even WALKING around college when there are large groups of people is this social anxiety? I worry about my appearance and the world and find it hard to accept that everyone has different opinions and upbringings- an autistic trait? I feel lonely often and just want to feel content Just how I feel any Advice would be fantastic Tom
  6. tdewar


    Hi guys I'm Tom, i live in south Yorkshire in the UK. I have Aspergers Syndrome and live on a farm. I struggle a little bit with life and social skills but have got alot better recently My biggest problem is I have low self confidence and like some aspies had some bad times at school (bullying) and have suffered from depression which has now lifted. With support I can be a great guy to know Nice to meet you all Tom
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