spastigirl

Could well be bipolar. I have type ii bipolar, the one not many people know about, which is essentially mixed-state and irritable. If I have an episode I tend to get a mixture of weepy/low mood, low concentration, no appetite and no ability to sleep. Comparatively, a fair amount of pure depressives have no energy but sleep as opposed to dithering about the way I do. One thing you mentioned was really familiar to me. At one point my parents bundled me up and brought me back from the mental hospital, still in a state where I couldn't easily eat and sleep. I kept dozing off during the day but not sleeping at night. I felt so guilty about not-getting-better and making things difficult I remember getting up at three in the morning and washing the bathroom (I'm not keen on housework at all...). OTOH, I think type i is more marked by big, excitable highs. This is the one most people have heard of, and is more likely if you have visible 'high mood' or euphoria. It's also the 'dangerous' one for people who want to turn their lives around (change job or marriage etc) in instant, unreliable ways (doesn't sound as though you have that one). Flashes of energy or high mood in 'depressed' days are reasonably common in both sorts, I think. I feel I'm poor at managing my mood-states because I often don't know what my emotions or moods are (often not very strong or marked) so I can't see the warning signs before something happens. But there is help out there, and it's of the utmost importance you (and any support network/family you can get together) push for it. It sounds as though your brain is already giving you warning signals that things could get worse.

Toilets: I don't have so many cues as mentioned, but cannot stand i) washing hands without soap or ii) push-taps -- seems to lead me to take longer and longer to try and wash my hands because I don't get the trigger for 'hands have been washed enough'. I'm not bothered too much about seats, but I always close the lid to flush, because it probably won't kill one, but if it's a choice of i) aim a fine mist of bodily waste towards the mucous (etc) membranes of mouth, nose and eyes versus ii) doing something simple and easy to not do that, it seems obvious.