Mumof4

Hi, Thank you for taking time to reply to my post , I agree that college is definitely the best route , and the pathway to Independance course with probably help, I will talk to college about my sons difficulties and see how it goes, it's nice to hear other people experiences . I am pleased that you have found a some work you are comfortable with , wishing you lots of luck

Thank you for all your advice, I think we will explain his diffculties at college and see how he gets on for a few months and if it seems like a struggle maybe we will go back and see another gp , I appreciate that young children need to be assessed and seen with priority and rightly so. It is just very frustrating how a gp who is not an expert in asd can spend 15 minutes with somebody and decide that they don't need help and there difficulties are not really impacting on their lives. I suppose they have to judge on what they see, but it's almost like he thought my son has just come up with theses difficulties and we decided it was asd that afternoon. Anyway thanking really appreciate your input and help. Take care

Must apologise for ranting, but just got back from very frustrating appointment with our gp, explained all about my son to the , for all of you who haven't read my other post ( help needed)' my son is 18 has all the signs of being on the spectrum, he's just been fired from his job, because his boss said he can't follow instructions,. The gp basically listened and said that because my son got average gcse results and because he made fleeting eye contact, he just is lacking in life skills. I asked my son how he found making eye contact, because he can make it it's very limited, he said I just did it to be polite, but said he found it hard, the gp said we could say that everyone is on the spectrum to some degree, and said a diagnosis wouldn't help. I am at a loss as to what to do now:( , do I just send him to college In September and hope he copes. The gp made it sound like my son would just grow out of it Advice appreciated

Hi Mel, Thank you for your help:) , the decision regarding my sons job has been made for us they finished him yesterday, in a way I suppose it's a good thing because the job has made us all realise he does have true difficulties and is struggling and has prompted us to get hi. Some help, so we are going to go to the college open day on the 28 th, it's good that you mentioned a life skills course, I was looking at the prospectus yesterday and there is a pathway to independence course which I think would be a good start, so I think I will speak to my son about it and see what he thinks. I will come right out and tell the doctor everything and I hope we can get a goog way through the process before he starts a college course. The emotional maturity thing explains a lot of things, my son has one long term friend who has the same traits and a few other friends which are girls but are younger, it's like he feels more comfortable with them. The more I look back I can see signs more and more now, like I have often found myself almost translating for him when someone asks him a question or if someone asks his something having to explain his reply. If he is explaining something to us it's like he misses lots of Information out,and says things wrong way round, many of time I have found myself trying to decipher what he is trying to get across. For the first time yesterday he tided he room properly , all be it it took him a long time, but I wrote him list and it worked and he did a great job. I think once we have things confirmed, life will get easier for my son. I am glad that your son is making good progress too, it does sound like college has helped him loads. It's great to know we are not alone . take care

Hi Lynda , Thank you for your valuable advice, I agree it seems being an apprentice is quite tough, the main reason for going down the apprentiship route was so ds was able to have some guidance after doing a short apprentiship in warehousing, which he struggled with , when he finished the warehousing and it came to looking for another job, he wanted to do another apprentiship because in his words he wasn't ready for a grown up job, however I do get the impression that he gets mocked , I have spoken to ds this evening and given the option of going to college, but he doesn't seem to able to make the decision( is this part of being on the spectrum) I explained the pros and cons of both clearly and have just left it with him to think about it, although if his boss decides to sack him on Friday then we could suggest the voluntary work or college. The college has learning support that would help a little, they told me they would only give full support once ds has a dx . I suppose things will be easier once he has a dx , we can move forward and hopefully get the support he needs .

Thanks for all your help I meant darn keyboard

Hi, Yes I explained to my sons boss that he has some autistic traits, it just makes it difficult not having a formal diagnosis yet, his boss listened , but didn't really comment, hopefully he will take on board what I have said, but the boss has said he is going to make a final decision on Friday as to if he will keep my son on, so will just have to wait and be there to support my son whatever he outcome. He has a doctors appointment Friday to discuss the issues he's been having , Should I just be direct and to the point with the doctor and come right out and say we suspect an autistic spectrum disorder ? Thanks for all our help

Hi, mel, You helped knowing we are not alone, it's very difficult isn't it ? , we just want what is best for our sons, my son didn't do very well at school, he is below a average in most subjects and average in some, he does have friends, one of which as been a friend since school , this lad has similar issues, but is not diagnosed either, but it's clear to see he is also on the autistic spectrum,. So it's good that he has a friend or two at least, however over the past few months I have been very worried about a new circle of friends he is getting involved with, and I am doing my best to discourage him from being with them , which isn't easy. The other problem I have is my parents don't believe he has issues and are just putting it down to , lack of confidence and the fact I may have done too much for him, but it's more than that, I tried to explain to them only this afternoon that he doesn't have the skills that we all pick up naturally growing up, in many ways he is like a little boy, they way he stands, his monotone voice, his interests that he goes on and on about, his literal interpretation, his lack of knowing if someone is making a joke or being serious, his ability to follow instructions, his lack of eye contact, I could go on and on . I went to my sons work today so I could take him out for lunch and take him back to work, he was happy to see me I think, but dropping him back off at work was like leaving a little boy at school for the 1st time, he looked so lost, I drove home with tears in my eyes. I am hoping the dx process isnt going to be a long drawn out process , because we need to get him some support at work or we are thinking of trying to let him try a college course until we get a diagnosis and maybe then we can find a job more suitable for him where his employer can be aware of his difficulties. Has your son been diagnosed.? , We have always known our son was different , but as a boy I just made the relevant changes and helped him in every way I could,i didnt think he may have a condition, but as he has got older his difficulties have become more apparent and are now affecting his job, which he has only had for 2 weeks. He said he feels on edge all day at work, and it's really hard for me to think he is struggling, when his boss brought him home the other day , I asked my son what is was struggling with and for the 1st time ever, he said he thinks he has learning difficulties, this is the 1st time we have really spoken about it because up until now we have kind of just muddled through and helped him and because he wasn't out In the big wide world we seemed to be doing okay, but since he left school , he has just struggled more and more. I just don't know if I should try and convince him to stick it out at work( which is an apprentiship ) and hope things get easier for him or if I should just try get him into college which I think he will find less pressurising . Thanks for your reply , take care

Hi, all, I have four sons, two which clearly have show lots of signs of being on the autistic spectrum, my second son is 13 years old and we have just started the process of getting a diagnosis, the problem we have now is my eldest son, Whois clearly often spectrum somewhere, which I am thinking aspergers, to cut a long story short, he has always been the same way,when he was very young school suggested may have so e autisic traits, at the time he seemed happy and being a little boy, his behaviour could easily be explained,. He is 18 years old now and his difficulties over the last 4 years are becoming more apparent. He hasn't been diagnosed, however, he came to me the yesterday and admitted he thinks he has learning difficulties, he couldn't really explain why other than, he doesn't understand instructions, this we have found with him all his life, we have had to repeat things over and over and so etimes it seems he can't follow even the simplest of instructions. He makes very little eye contact and is very obbsessive with whatever it is he likes at the time, whe. He was younger it was star wars, he use to talk about it all the time and that's all he was interested In, as he got older he got an obsession with film and actors and collecting DVD 's and organising them in actor order, he would badger us constantly with questions about actors and films. Anyway moving on, since our conversation about him thinking he has learning g difficulties I have made him an appointment at the doctors and will go with him. The problem I am having is he started a job when he left school, he really struggled with this job, we could see this so we told him to finish it, he was out of work for 8 months and because he has limited interests we struggled to get him looking for another job, we literally had to find him the job he has now, which is gardening and maintence, the only thing is he is close to be sacked, the boss brought him ho e early the other day and asked my son to ask me to ring him, I did and his boss told me that my son can't follow instructions and he cannot let him use machinery as he would be a danger to himself or others. The following statement from his boss really upset me, he said talking to my son was like talking to a plank. The boss told me he is going to give my son while Friday to as he put it buck his ideas up or he going to have to Let him go:( I just don't know what to do next, how long does the dx process take for an adult .? Also what kind of help is out there to help with finding a job?

Hi dianne, Thank you your reply, how did your son react to the initial diagnosis ? , I am worried about how my son will take the news if he were to be diagnosed, my son is very into computers, he likes writing lists on his, his birthday is coming up in August and he's wrote his birthday list dozens of times, he writes down what he would like for his birthday and the prices too, if my son were to be diagnosed I would also think its a good idea to bring him home for lunch, , it's great you have 2 hours, we an hour but live very close to school so think we would have enough time, I think that would help break the day up for him. The school nurse telephoned today and is coming to our house on Thursday to meet my son, I am hoping this will prepare him for his real appointment with the paediatrician .

Thank you for your encouraging reply, it's nice to know we are not alone, having spoken to my son again about the up and coming appointment, he said he wants to ask me questions about it but doesn't know how to say it, he also said he feels like he's on a rollercoaster sometimes and feels jerky, I don't know what he means by this , I don't know if he meant his thoughts are jerky or his body feels like that, we just want to understand as much as we can in order to help him, I'm glad you found the courage to get a diagnosis, which can't have been easy as you were an adult, but maybe the diagnosis came as a relief to you ? . I don't want my son thinking he's just a naughty awkward child, if he can't help the way he is, I don't know if his traumatic birth has anything to do with his difficulties ( forceps delivery) his head was very marked especially across his forehead. I know some people will say that a traumatic birth has nothing to do with asd or other development disorders, but it can't do a baby any good being born In such a way, in my experience, I have 4 boys my eldest has asd tendencies and he was a forceps delivery and then my 13 year old who was also a forceps delivery, my two youngest had smooth births and they have no difficulties .

Hi, We are waiting for an appointment for an assesment for our 13 year old son, at the moment I am feelings little scared of the process and of the outcome My son has always had many of the symptoms of asd, and as been seen twice by a doc, 1st time he was around 2years old, and doc said it was too early to tell, the second time was about 4 years ago he was seen by the school nurse, who chatted with him for approx 10 mins and said because he makes eye contact he doesn't have asd, we tried our best to manage after this, but as he has become a teenager, the meltdowns were changing and he was becomming verbally and occasionally physically aggressive, so we decided to seek help for him, the high school nurse visited last week and after a very long discussion with us ( my son was not present) , she agreed that it sounded like he has some autisic tendencies and would look to refer him, part of the problem is he can control himself at school and sometimes will go off like a coiled spring at home ( does anyone else's child control themselves in different situations ? ) At the moment I am concerned getting a diagnosis at such a late stage could make matters worse. Some of his habits and behaviour has Improvedwith age, and some has got worse, my son is already saying he won't go to the appointment, even though I have reassured him that we are all going to help him.