Hi, I’m Paul, 48, gay, and live on the south coast of England. I am a self employed website designer working from home.
I am recent self diagnosed mild Asperger’s Syndrome, and had a diagnosis of some Autistic traits when I was about 9 or 10 (Asperger’s of course not being recognised back then) which resulted in me going to a special needs secondary school.
The reason why I have explored and recognised this recently is that some friends were doing some of the Health Checker tests on the Channel 4 Embarrassing Bodies website and we were sharing the results between ourselves on Google+. One of the tests was the Autism one, which is the standard 50 question AQ score test. My friends were all scoring between about 10 and 18, I scored 28, not far below the threshold of 32.
Obviously one online test is not definitive proof of anything. However I already knew a bit about Aspergers from researching it when a (now distant) friend told me he had AS. I read some more, compared with areas in life where I have difficulties (social situations in particular) etc. Things seemed to fall into place.
When I was a child I was bullied and teased a lot at primary school, probably because I would snap and get really angry etc, which of course other kids found great fun.
The health visitor that helped mum in the first few months after my sister (8 years younger than me) was born realised that something was not right, and she liaised with the school and doctor etc to get me assessed. I had several visits to a child psychologist who spent time with me and more time with my parents (when I was in some sort of waiting room on my own, probably being secretly observed).
I was then sent to a hospital type place for a month so I could be assessed away from home and normal surroundings. I don't remember much about it (mind blocking out bad memories?) but it was the first time I'd been away from home and I hated every minute of it. Bullying etc worse than ever.
As a result of that it was decided that I would not be able to cope in a normal secondary school and I went to a special needs school instead.
Although my mum would know more I didn’t want to ask her because it goes back to a time she'd probably not want to revisit. Instead I asked my sister by text, saying what I suspected. This is her reply:
"Well, from what mum has told me (obviously I don't remember much from the time), and things I've observed since I've been older and seeing other children, as mine have been growing up, I would definitely say aspergers. But at that time not recognised as such. When I'm talking about you, not that I do much, but if I'm asked why you went to a different school, I tend to say that you had difficulties that would now probably be diagnosed on the aspergers spectrum, but at that time not really known about. Various friends have autistic/aspergers children, mostly boys and yep, I think you'd be more aspergers. I've thought that for a long time. xxx"
I have discussed it online with friends too and one in particular (who I trust and respect) made a few observations:
“You hate group negotiation or reaching a decision. If something doesn't happen right then that very second, you storm off or get angry, rather than talking it through calmly and reaching a consensus. It raises heads and draws attention to yourself by the over reaction, so you may want to look at that.”
“The other thing is talking over people. I can't recall the wording in that test, but as soon as I read it, I thought of you lol. You can have a tendency to talk, you will pause and then someone will respond, and you will instantly start talking faster, talking over them until they shut up, so you can be heard. Initially this used to really wind me up, to the point I would just shut up.”
“I don't know how you respond with eye contact or if this is something you force or control. In an intense conversation you will hold a penetrating and piercing gaze that doesn't leave the person you talk to. Again, those around you are probably aware of this by now and used to it, but new persons could be wary.”
“One thing I would say is share this information with those around you. It would go a long way into fixing the understanding of others. Once situations arise, they can know it’s the ‘situation’ that's causing the argument/uproar rather than you having a go at someone for no reason whatsoever.”
So at this stage I am happy with the Asperger’s self diagnosis. I don’t really want or see any need to have a formal diagnosis. Indeed it could cause problems with life insurance etc if I have to declare a recent diagnosis of mental health issues.
I have just ordered a copy of “Asperger's Syndrome For Dummies” from Amazon, and signed up to a couple of forums including this one to get some feedback and read more about other people’s experiences and ways of dealing with certain situations.
