Nesf
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Posts posted by Nesf
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If you have researched it and think you have it, and your psychiatrist thinks you have it, then you probably do - good luck with your diagnosis!
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Good luck Kitty, I hope your next appointment goes well!
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Hi Nims, welcome! :-)
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I particular liked her remark about the cavemen sitting round the fire socialising and the guy with Asperger's making a spear :-)
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I guess I've always had a lot of practice as I worked in shops from being about 16 and insisting I needed a part time job. No hiding from people when working on the checkouts! If there was to be one queue in the shop it'd be at my till, as for some reason lots of people liked being served by me, and would rather queue than go through other tills that would mean they were served quicker.
After deciding to come over here on a working holiday, I started working in a hotel as a waitress... had no choice about being social there either. Then, all other jobs have involved some sort of customer / patient facing roles, talking on the phone etc, so I guess really it's been sink or swim.
I do wonder what I'd have been like though had I not had those jobs. I also knew that in getting my dog I'd no doubt bump into people and need to exchange small talk, so after finding out that I had AS, I make a point of speaking to people if they speak to me, however much I might not want to at the time.
Experiences, negative or positive, are bound to shape the way we think about things. More recently I've realised that there are very few people I can call a true friend, and I find that sad, as I've thought I've had friends but they've turned out to be anything but :/ Once my usefulness runs out, they disappear. Thankfully though I do have a couple of good people in my life, apart from family, it's just too bad that most live in far off lands!
This panicky feeling that I don't want to talk to people doesn't happen all the time, just when I go out for a walk because this is something I do when I want to be alone and I resent the intrusion - though I don't know why I feel panic when there's absolutely no danger to me. I feel that way about entering shops, too when I know the assistant may come up and talk to me and I just want to browse. I think I need to know in advance I'm going to meet people and prepare for it in my head. I'm also very relunctant to go to meetings or events on my own where I don't know anyone.
I once had a summer job in a fast food restuarant. You might imagine it must be one of the worst jobs because of noise, multitasking and queues of customers, but actually it wasn't like that. They had me on fries for hours on end so I was doing the same task over and over again, it was drudgery - every member of staff was assigned to one specific task, and it wasn't usually that busy.
I also have a couple of long distance friends, but most people I know are acquaintances, there have been very few people in my life I could call friends. Friendship is very difficult to define... when does someone stop being an acquaintance and become a friend? Are there specific criteria? I don't think so, I think most people sense some kind of intimacy with that person that they don't have with mere aquaintances. I often find it hard to know where I stand in my relationships with others. When I was a kid I used to think that if someone talked to you they were your friend, now I know that it's much more complicated than that.
Oakers, I don't know why people find tattoos so intimidating. Again, it's down to stereotyping and generalisations - I know a couple of people with tattoos and I don't think it's such a big deal.
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I'd agree that it's definitely easier to talk to people who share the same interests. I find I can pass the time of day with people quite easily now, for example if I'm out walking Lottie or if I'm in a shop etc, but in depth conversations are still harder.
I have found of late that people I thought were friends aren't really so I don't have much of a social life now that I can't go to gigs like I used to. Not really interested in going down to the pub etc so not likely to meet too many new people, unless I randomly bump into someone interesting walking the dog or getting groceries at Tesco!! haha
I find it hard to approach strangers... sometimes I go out walking alone but meeting a stranger triggers a flight response, I know this is a bad thing and I don't know why it happens, but it makes it very hard to meet new people. I'm very self-absorbed, and past experience has taught me to be wary of people.
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Robert, that's funny as no one I knew outside of going to gigs ever really wanted to talk too in depth about my photography either
People at work would, for the most part, be bewildered by the 'types' of people I used to hang about with and photograph. I, on the other hand, loved being the girl who 'didn't look like she took photos of those sorts of people' just goes to show you can never judge people by their appearance :-)
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I've been quite reserved with a new unit manager, not because she's unkind or anything, I just don't feel comfortable with people I don't know. Later on I've found out she owns a horse so now we've got something in common we both like. I was a bit uncomfortable having to show her how I do my specific job and explain how to do it.
It's certainly easier if you have something in common to talk about. Unfortunately rarely meet anyone in real life who shares my interests, the best I can do is online forums. I also find it harder with people I don't know.
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It is often said that people with AS/ASD talk obsessively about their interests and don't know when to stop talking, but I'm the opposite, I don't talk about my interests unless it comes up in conversation and even avoid talking about them so as not to draw negative attention to myself.
I find it hard to join in conversations, especially if there are many in the group. The conversation goes too fast, by the time I've thought of something to say the conversation has moved on and I don't get to say what I want. Banter and jokes are especially difficult. I find myself unable to speak and tune out all the time and sit there silently. I feel detached, as if I were watching TV. I often tune out completely and start daydreaming.
Of course, this is an example of the many stereotypes that exist about AS/ASD, and no two people are the same, though the only two people I've ever met and known to be on the spectrum did talk excessively.
How about you? Would you describe yourself as quiet or loud? Here's an article I found on the subject
http://miss-behave.hubpages.com/hub/Different-types-of-people-with-Aspergers-Syndrome
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I think it's normal and common to crash when you realise you have AS and you shouldn't feel bad about it. When I first found out I felt that my life had been an illusion because I didn't realise that I'm neurologically different to other people, and I needed to discover who I really am. I just thought any problems I was having were down to my inadequacies and failures as a person. I wanted the official diagnosis because that was the only way I could ever accept myself for who I am but when I got told officially I have it I also went through a period of grief and bitterness and self - pity, mainly for my lost childhood. It comes as a shock at first when you first realise, it is a lot of information to assimilate and it takes time to digest, but I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by and you learn more about yourself.
I also hand flap and get up and run round the room when I'm excited, I no longer try to suppress this, it's part of who I am, and on more than one occasion I've been told that I need a hearing test because I don't tune into people when they first start speaking, also have face blindness... I used to feel really bad and inadequate, and sometimes still do, but it's been much easier to deal with since knowing the reason behind these things, I can finally stop blaming myself so much.
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Ever thought of noise reducing earplugs/headset? I have earplugs and I couldn't survive without them.
Yes, I have them and use them sometimes but they aren't very comfortable and if someone calls me I can't hear them.
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Plenty of snow here in rural Northumberland, even got snowed in a while.
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I also don't like dogs barking up close, the same with screaming, wailing children the sound sort of sends shivers through my mind, it is most unpleasant and usually causes me to exit the situation fast, but I guess barking like screaming and crying is a distress noise that is designed to alert and if one cannot attend to the distress, the only option is get out of there.
Children screaming really gets to me too, as does whistling, especially between fingers - it's torture!
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I was a teacher of English as a Foreign Language for many years but struggled with it, quit it once, started again, lost my job, found another one briefly but quit due to depression. Now I'm unemployed adn looking for a new job. I develop obsessions about foreign languages and cultures and this was a way of developing them.
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Yes, I've been accused of being a control freak. A lot of things bother me which don't bother other people, I have problems with noise, can't block it out like other people can and need to control my ennvironment.
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I don't think there's any breed of dog that doesn't bark, but there are some that bark less. As far as I know wolves can also bark, but not as frequently or repetitively as dogs. We have a Staffie, an Akita and a German Shepherd. The German shepherd barks a lot, the Staffie very rarely. The Akita barks, but also howls like a wolf, which the other two don't do. I think the Akita is closer to a wolf.
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I must admit that I once used it in a post in inverted commas to mean NT, or "so-called normal",perhaps I shouldn't have done - really as no two people are the same there's no such thing as "normal". I've seen it being used informally in this context in various literature, with or without inverted commas. I'll avoid using it in future.
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I think that if he or she made the decision to seek a diagnosis, then they must have been struggling internally to cope with what must be a difficult job, whatever the outward appearance might be, and perhaps had burnout due to the pressure of constantly holding it in to appear "normal". He or she might have low esteem and confidence and it's very important that the colleagues show them that they are accepted for who they are with or without the AS and their work is appreciated. Then they will gain confidence and be able to cope with the "aftermath" of diagnosis a lot better. Some people diagnosed as adults report being treated differently and attitudes changing towards them - this would be not be good as they'll lose confidence and self esteem. But it sounds like he or she has some work colleagues who are concerned and care and this will help them through this difficult period :-)
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I think that you can be sociable and have ASD, many AS people want to be sociable and try to be sociable but lack the skills and intuition to be successful at it, and come across as awkward or a bit odd. As was already pointed out many people with ASD learn to how to act in social situations and suppress / cope with their ASD traits. I can act "normally" but get tired and need to withdraw after a couple of hours, I get stressed and anxious easily and when I'm in this state I'm not as able to control my emotions and impulses, people think I'm weird and unpleasant and avoid me. I have problems socialising, especially in groups because I always feel detached and I'm unable to join in. It's like watching TV. I can never think of anything to say and constantly tuning out and daydreaming - this is the easy option: socialising and talking is a huge effort for me. But everyone's different, and people with ASD have their own personality on top of their ASD traits, so what you get is an interraction between ASD traits and personality.
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You could also find people who share the same interests as you as it's much easier to talk to people if you know you have something in common. I don't have many friends either, I have some I talk to online but none that I'm very close to and none that I talk to on a very regular basis. It's difficult, but not impossible. I used to try too hard to make friends when I was younger and that put people off even more. I didn't realise there were certain "rules" to follow about making friends. Online is a good way to meet people initially without feeling under too much pressure, a lot easier than talking to people face to face, though you have to make the effort to keep in touch.
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I think that appropiate behaviour may not come naturally but it can be learnt. If a person with ASD does or says something inappropiate they can be gently told what the appropiate action would be so they can correct it. In that case allowances must be made. Behaving badly on purpose is a different matter - there's no excuse for that.
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There are quite a few of us on this forum who, like you, have been diagnosed as adults, I was diagnosed at 41. Feel free to ask questions!
I am so Depressed. I have Aspergers?
in General Discussion
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When I was in my teens I also used to try to fit in by hanging out with people who were very different and get very upset when I couldn't relate to them or they rejected me. Trying too hard to make friends with someone is a mistake - I think you need to see what they are like first, ask them what they like doing and for their opinions on things which matter to you and if you think you have something in common with them you can pursue the friendship. In the past I've made friends online who've become friends in real life through forums, if you have a special interest you may be able to find an online forum for the interest with people in your local area you can meet.