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About MartianTom

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    Norfolk Broads
  1. I received my diagnosis last year, at the age of 56. It was a revelation. Now, I can fit together all the bits of my life, and it begins to make sense to me: the bullying at school, the inability to make or sustain friendships, the disastrous relationships, the constant anxiety, the fact that I have no friends (though that doesn't unduly bother me - I prefer to be alone). I was hopeless at school, and finished bottom of the class. Yet I have an IQ of 148, and I went on to attain a degree in later life. The diagnosis was a validation of my life. It showed my family that I wasn't the malingerer, the lazy low-achiever that many of them thought I was. It hasn't all been positive, though. One paragraph, from the summary of my diagnosis, haunts me: The problems noted have interfered with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and at work, and an inability to attain life goals. It makes me wonder how different my life would have turned out if I'd been diagnosed as a child - or, at least, earlier than this. It makes me feel like huge parts of my life have been lost to anxiety and depression, and to needless worry about why I couldn't be like everyone else when I was trying my hardest all the time. I have to put all those thoughts behind me, though. I have to move on. Overall, the diagnosis has been a good thing for me. And it gives me something to fall back on if I have problems in the future.
  2. Hi Tomar, Writing has always been my 'sanctuary'. I've written fiction and poetry since I was ten. At that age, I wasn't interested in playing with the other kids. I was always alone in my room, scribbling away. So, I suppose you could say that it's my escape. The thing is, though, it's double-edged. I find it hard to do for sustained periods (I have a short attention span) - and when it isn't 'working' properly, it leads me to anxiety and disillusionment. It's like, I can't do the only thing I feel that I want to do. I used to take anti-depressants, but I stopped once I got the diagnosis. I've always enjoyed running, so exercise helps - getting those endorphins going! I like walking, too. And I do meditation, off and on. In recent years, I've been drinking too much. I've tried stopping, but life almost becomes unbearable. I don't think of myself as an alcoholic, because I can go for long periods without it. I try to keep tabs on it, too. Ideally, I'd like to stop. But it's like Bukowski said: 'When you drink, the world's still out there. It just doesn't have you by the throat for a while.' (I'm sure he was an undiagnosed Aspie). I know the score with booze. I know it's a depressant. I know that I drink for the wrong reasons. But it does help me through some really bad times. Now my life makes a bit more sense to me, I tend to feel more positive. But, like all of us, I can swing from enjoying the good things to dwelling on the bad - and before I know it, I'm spiraling again. I work with special needs people at a day centre, and that's very fulfilling for me. I have a lot in common with some of them. But when I get home, I like to shut my door and be alone - just me and the cat, and some films to watch. When I'm out and with people, anxiety is always there - in greater or lesser degree. Films have taken the place of books for me in recent years. I used to love reading, but now find it very difficult to concentrate for a sustained period of time. A film, though, is a complete story in an average of a couple of hours - and once I'm absorbed in a film, I feel as good as I can feel (apart from when I'm asleep). It's escapism, intellectual engagement, catharsis... the whole thing. I probably watch upwards of 300 films a year.
  3. Hi everyone, If you're as obsessive and picky as I am, I'm sure you can't have failed to notice how our language has become infected by the 'Australian Interrogative Intonation'. Basically, it's when anyone says anything at all to you and makes it sound like a question? The only time they say anything that doesn't sound like a question is when they ask a question? So... 'I went to see a film today? And Daniel Craig was in it? But it wasn't a Bond film? He said he won't be making any more Bond films? Do you like Bond films. Do you like Daniel Craig.' It's become my latest 'thing'. Whenever I hear it, I shut off. I simply can't listen to it. It drives me completely nuts? Like people who are always looking at their phone? Am I alone....
  4. Try to redefine 'political correctness' as 'an imperfect way of trying to find a respectful way of dealing with my fellow humans' rather than what the Daily Mail wants us to believe it is: an assault on freedom of speech. I don't think it's upholding the right to freedom of speech to refer to an Asian as a 'Paki', or a woman as a ''. If 'political correctness' means treating people with due respect, then it's fine by me.
  5. I'm a 57-year-old male who was only diagnosed last year, after a lifetime of difficulties and misdiagnoses (depression, anxiety disorder, etc). At last... my life makes sense to me! On the whole, the diagnosis has been positive. Having said that, I still live with anxiety from day to day. At least now I know what's causing it. I still get down days, too. There's one paragraph in my diagnosis, in the summary, that is inclined to send me spiralling down... The problems noted above have interfered with the patient's life by causing depression, social isolation, difficulties at school and work, and an inability to attain life goals. Sometimes, it makes me feel as if my life has been wasted. It makes me wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd been diagnosed in childhood. But there it is. I have to let it go. I have to move on. Anyway... it's good to be here. I look forward to meeting you all. Best regards, Tom
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