MelowMeldrew
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Posts posted by MelowMeldrew
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Mine's a TV addict as well, but I don't think he actually takes in that much of it. What he does now, is put the subtitling on permanently on the SKY box, memorize what's on from dawn to dusk, then writes pages of it from memory inserting his own bits and pieces, ask him what was the program about you get a blank look ! His present pre-occupation is watching welsh language channels, because the S4C in the corner interests him for some reason, he takes little or no interest in anything for more than a minute and plays with the remote channel hopping 40 times a minute, driving us mad. His attention span seems to be very limited but switch it off he gets real mad !
He's an amazing memory for what's on 'though ! Most interest he takes is with cartoons which are repeated constantly on SKY and never apparently change which suits him. we've disconnected his bedroom TV at night or he would never ever sleep, nor our neighbours, as he set the volume to FULL
and sleeps right through that, now he creeps downstairs at about 6 or 7 am and tries to turn the other TV on instead, so I've had to remove plugs to stop that too ! He seems to need less and less sleep these days while I need about 3 months worth to catch up 
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We all seem to reaping the backlash of the holidays. Without the relative 'order' of the school to limit them,it seems are kids aer not able to cope very well with 'freedoms' at home. We've had the most awful time this year too, just like last year, and we have had to ask social service to come, to discuss where we go from here, as my son is waging 'war' on us in the most effective way he can, i.e. by using his own excrement as a weapon. We give him 100% attention as it is. He has also taken to calling everyone gremlins and won't say anything else in reply to conversations.
He's always had toilet issues, but now he just uses his bedroom all the time, we've redecorated twice scrubbing it off walls, removed his bunk bed which he used to 'hide' it, taken away the carpet which was sodden with pee, now he has moved this behaviour for the first time outside the home, throwing his poo at neighbours children and their house, and we've had community police here warning us, we are not able to stop it, unless we physically remove him from the garden, in this warm summer it's not been possible. while we make all efforts to take him outsaide the home to widen his interests, he just comes home afterwards and carries on where he leaves off,taps allturned on and left all night running, post pushed backout the door,, TV remote controls cheweed to bits, repeated button pushing so our SKY box failed.
Bus trips are also now a nightmare as he runs all over the place pushing the stop button and causing problems, taxi rides are getting hard as he kicks the seats erpeatedly allthe time,it all seems to be designed to stop us taking him anywhere, shopping is hard too now, he bangs and kicks shop windows, goes inside pulling displays over, lies on the floor, he's 10 and this is very hard to cope with we are exhausted sometimes at nigh and can't sleep, he has two lights on all night, and I'm pretty sure he hardly sleeps either, but I can't stay awake to make sure.
He appears now to need every minute supervised to do something, and then reacts because we do it. Time out for us all seems the hard but logical choice, We're very upset about it.
We could monitor him 23 hrs and 59 minutes a day, he would still use that 1 minute to carry on, indeed we can almost see his brain working and him waiting for a spare few minutes to do it. We are at a total loss as to how to proceed, he is in complete control, and it seems to us he is thoroughly enjoying the hurt and disgust that is happening. IGnroing this behaviour and keeping our head down and being firm but not rising to it, gives him the oxygen he feeds off, it's failing, he just steps it up, if we come down on it, he feeds on that too. We do not know if this is poor behaviour, attention-seeking, a trait he is devloping or all three. Clealy I think he is calling for help in some way despite it all.
He has no way, of amusing himself, and no way of effectively interacting with other children, so we are it
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I had our patio chairs and table/parasol nicked last week, it was brand new cost over a 100 quid. My garden is 'boxed in' and can ONLY be accessed via a neighbour backing onto it, and climbing over HIS low fence, guess what ? nobody seen or heard a thing. Police said no chance of recovery, and a neighbour further down had 6 TREES nicked
(Perhaps someone is starting up a garden centre somewhere 
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I must be weird ! Despite everything I wouldn't change him for the world, (I would like a day off though
and not think I was selfish for thinking it) -
We're getting the meltdowns and erratic behaviour increases too, currently he enjoys turning every tap in the house on at all hours of the day and night running us ragged, he cannot be diverted ! He's also discoverd throwing the post away is a new pastime too, and throwing stones at the neighbours constantly and they aren't amused !, and, is destroying his gameboys when the he hit's a difficult spot, and he won't play with anything else. So far in the last 12 months he's written off 6 of the 50 quid variety, (and 2 of the 100 quid variety in the last 9 weeks). Buying him 2 new game games for the holidays, (He only wants to play one all the time), resulted in him throwing 80 quids worth out the door. Oh, and he likes hiding all our house keys now as well
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After a very bad 6 months last year,when my son suddenly decided to no longer use the toilet but hide his poo and and then pee on walls and carpets instead, we had a period of relative order where, while he still wouldn't utilise the toilet as we do, but throw his poo into it, he has now reverted to hiding it and throwing it around again, I've even scraped it off the ceilings, and at age 10 years it's getting very hard to keep on top of it.
NONE of the suggested ways of guidance work, and he seems to enjoy to a degree when we get upset about it. I decided to not overtly draw attention to it, in case that fed his enjoyment (!), but to no avail. His bedroom is now his toilet. we've removed the bed to the centre of the room to ensure the can't hide his doings behind it (His favourite place), but he started using the living room and throwing excrement behind the furniture there. We are at present only able, to clear it up every morning.
It seems a lot more than attention-seeking to me, which was a suggested cause, as he gets 24 hr attention now, and even we, can't up on that ! He insists however on washing his hands after every episode although his clothes every morning are covered in smears and its very upsetting to his mum who is very depressed about it. A 10yr old doing this and showing no sign whatever of changing his ways, how can you approach this ? School lectures on hygeine went right over his head, and he's long since found a way around the school monitoring him, by simply holding it until he comes home.
He's gets OK for a while then reverts every time. He does allthis while we're asleep and will stay awake as long as it takes for us to nod off !
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Seems we're all on pretty safe ground with x boxes and playstations ! Until one or the other breaks down there's nothing else my son wants, we've got prezzies from 4 years ago unopened, he's just NOT interested in Xmas (Or Birthdays), and until recently got stressed if any fuss was made about them. Mine tends to play the same games over and over again,he hates 3 dimensional games, and it's not unusual for me to have to scour shops after he's worn them out, and they have to be exact replicas. I used to buy him all the latest ones, at first he refused toplay them, then, started throwing them in the bin ! AT 40 quid a throw I soon saw the error of my ways !
He gets through game boys pretty quick too, if he hits a patch where it is 'hard' it's not unknown he trashes the gameboy forcing me to buy replacements, so far 4 have bitten the dust this year at 90 quid a time. Xmas prezzies this year ? maybe nothing if we take him at his word (We put the money aside now, rather than waste our time and cash buying him things he will never ever use). If he does ask for something when we walk around the shops we buy them then. We always walk around the toy game shops, to see if he fancies something or other.
People think we're mean not to splash out, but he just doesn't want anything. We spent about 800 quid one year and he never opened a thing.
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My lad never utters a swear word at school or outside the home, but he goes out the garden and lets loose at the top of his voice with all manner of F's and B's and keeps it up for an hour or more until the neighbours complain
We've told him to leave playground speak where it is, and I've asked the school to wash their pupil's mouth out with soap to no avail, so he thinks it's OK to do it in his own garden to his heart's content ! We gotta be SPECIFIC aint we The problem is to many of his peers are allowed to swear all the time with impunity, so he wonders why Dad is coming down on him 
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Like a few here there's nowt when the hols start for my lad, so it's a 6 week daily and hourly battle to even get him to walk to the shops with us let alone attempt something as considerable as a day trip out.
Last year we simply canceled 75% of the events we arranged to take him to, he was so adamant he didn't want to go,and when we started taking him anyway he disrupted the entire thing, so it was too stressful for us all really.We are going to keep trying, maybe short trips out, make sure he gets weeks advance notice, as spontaneous is out ! we may make one or two of them. 6 weeks is far too long for children but it's a nightmare with an aspie who starts to get stressed his routine has changed, even if it is a holiday. Continuity is vital, and there's nil here to even build on. We utilized a SS trip to a theme park, but found there were none there to help and assist and it was with wheelchair children, whom he didn't know and never met, so that was a failure, it's hard enough getting him to mix WITH his own classmates who are aspies too, let alone total strangers.
He seems to be indicating he WOULD perhaps go with an organized school thing, but nil else, but the school doesn't get included in extra-curricular activities of any kind. Had enough during the day one tutor said !
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Kenneth Williams of the 'Carry On' Films was well know to carry his own toilet seat around with him, not wanting to sit where anyone else had, I don't think this a particular aspie trait..
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About 2 and ahalf years ago we requested some respite help from the Social Services, then heard no more ! Recently and since the lad started at the Autistic unit, some well-meaning teacher suggested we ask (Guess who !), the social services to give us sonme help with respite
They asked on our behalf and 3 months later still a deafening silence.Then last week I had a letter from the social services childrens dept, saying "Your son's social worker Ms ********, has now left the dept, do you still wish for assistance ? if not we will delete your name from our listing", I've had a social worker ? when ? nobody ever told me ! my son is 10 years old now and never seen one ... anyone else got a dept like this, hardly worth the bother asking now. His last school teacher asked too, and they said they'd never seen a worker either or had a response from them, what a shower.
It seems that when I was sent a letter a few years ago asking if I wanted my son's name on the disabled children's register (essential if I want a free swimming pass !), then they stick a social workers name on your child's name, but that's all the 'involvement' there is ! Of course it covers them when e complain they are like phantoms and nobody ever sees them,and not taking any notice of us or our children. So that's another LEA con I got to be aware of...
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We need to declare a day of action and close the units/classes for that day, and then keep doing it until our kids support is identified and met. LEA's are not complying with the law, diagnosis/assessment is unlinked, even witheld from schools, why after diagnosis isn't immediate assessment done then ? There's no links between schools, consultants, or anyone else half the time. There IS a policy of deliberate confusion, to avoid services being set up. A child receives a diagnosis, a need is identified, recommendations made, so why do we have to go on for YEARS afterwards to get LEA's to recognise it, and then years again to get them to meet their legal requirement ? either a special needs system exists or it doesn't. My view is we don't yet have one that works, the few that do, manage despite the system not because of it.
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Obviously quite a common occurence, my child did it, it usually happened at school too, and, when he was left too long without attention, he's stopped now thank goodness but we wrote off dozens and dozens of shirts. If he is chewing long sleeved clothing buy SHORT ones ! Wool was a bit of a magnet too, as was anything that had 'string' on it (Like jogger bottoms and laces). I replaced all his shoes with velcro and he had then no laces to chew, stopped him overnight.
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My son was diagnosed ASD 6 years ago, he's always been 'passive' at school, when he comes home it's usually WW3 as a norm. It was pretty clear to me the time he spends at school takes enormous effort and stresses him, so it's head down in chest exactly when the taxi comes for him,staring at the floor, and not speaking much at all. On coming home, it's BOOOOOOING !!!! he shouts he swears, he disrupts, everything. I've spoken to the school they say he passive, quiet, not participating much, then I show them what he does at home they can't believe it's the same child.
I've told them when you get the same there as we get at home, you've made a start and we can address things, nobody expects 'normality' (whatever that is, I've long forgot), but making things less stressful and including him in school things as a reality, isn't impossible, time isn't on our side. We all know at age 16 you're on your own and then some, especially as no support exists in our area, if you can't make the inroads at school when he's there, it will become near impossible when he's adult. At home my lad can and does refuse peer contact, so as an adult I can see, unless it's addressed, this carrying on when he's older. We're stretched now, we may break when he's adult doing the same thing, but with size and strength too.
At home he writes, he tries to draw things, converses and chatters away at us, he's a ball of fire and then some ! I don't think there's much doubt the school (Which IS an autistic Unit), has yet got a handle on him at all. The old adage stick him with peers and it'll work out, has failed so far too, he seems only to tolerate it, and then go back home to 'normality'. They don't stretch him, or really engage him as yet, they give him stickers and posters like "He worked really hard today", when the output clearly shows he did next to nothing, and isn't even on par with what he does at home. He's passive at school noisy here, he does little academic work there, he does at home, confusing isn't it ? I went to his infant school and sat in the class to aid the teacher, he did more in 1 hour with me there, than he had done for 6 months, unfortuntaley the school thought this counter-productive,he has to get used to school etc, soI stopped, but, so did HE.
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Had a message yesterday to confirm that for the first time since being diagnosed ASD 6 years ago, he is due to start at an autistic unit after the next term, albeit for just ONE year, and I now have to lobby for a senior (11 plus), school as he will kicked out again then. Am I elated too soon ?
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I'm with Carol on this too, they're our children, and we want the best we can for them. I get embroiled in many issues myself being deaf, and get tired of the politics of it all, we just want the best for our kids not ourselves, I'm pro any 'cure' as well, but this question is ALWAYS put on disability sites, there aren't any as we know, and it always degenerates into dogma, and medical/social arguments.. Mum and Dad will do what they can while they can, but then........... It's a constant worry that's always there, I don't mind nor care in the least doing whatever I am able to help and support my son, washing, changing, feeding, yes I do all that too, but I know, outside of Mum and Dad there's a harsh uncaring and cruel world out there. To be able to help themselves is not an opt out for me as a parent, but like any other parent we fear what happens when we aren't there. Then, they aren't our children, they're just statistics and in a que that gets longer and longer. It's the light at the end of the tunnel, it's very hard to see for some..... This question is pointless, until a real choice exists, when it does, ask us again....
Article in my local paper
in General Discussion
Posted · Report reply
It's not just 'inclusive' (Cheapo), education that's an issue, but even smaller Autistic units, my son is at one of them for 12 months only because the building is new, albeit it takes less than a dozen children, an oasis is all it is. 'Inclusion' is not really possible, it runs along the lines of the PHU's (Partial Hearing Units that deaf or HI children get sent to), all that happens is they rarely move out of it.
If a child gets bullied the school should be addressing this, but in the case of 'non-standard' behaviour it's clear discrimination to punish these children because they're different. while congregating 'like with like', unlike the deaf/HI version Aspi's won't get any sort of sense of 'community' or empathy with it, so whether a special school place would address this I'm unsure.
Personally if my child got bullied I'd take him straight out and he wouldn't go back until the school sorted itself out, no way would I let this 2 pence integrational system mess up my child's life. Some higher-functioning Aspi's manage mainstream most don't. You can't integrate a child with 'peers', they clearly aren't his/her peers are they ? It's astounding the people attempting this integration and inclusion, have no idea what they're dealing with, and attempting to see if our children can 'copy' the 'norm'.
Education Jim ? not as we know it................