home visit from clinical psychologists today

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

Today i had a home visit by 2 clinical psychologists. They saw Kai a few months ago after a very long wait, but he kicked off big time so we didn't get very far.

 

Anyway, they visited Kai's school a few weeks ago (which i knew about) and then came to discuss things with me alone today. I kept a behaviour diary which we went through and they basically told me they thought Kai would be better off boarding monday to friday at school (he currently stays monday and tuesdays). Apparently the school suggested this.

 

I don't really know how i feel about this. I felt a bit upset that the school have suggested this without telling me. I also feel like they were really pressuring me to send him boarding all week. They said that they were really worried about his level of physical aggression towards me and the amount of meltdowns he's having at the moment. They also said they were very concerned about what he'll be like when my baby is born (in 3 months).

 

They asked me why i didn't want him boarding all week and i said that he is MY child and i feel I should be looking after him. Also, he is only 8. I don't want him to feel like he is being punished and being sent away from me (and the baby). On the positive side, boarding is good for him because he is learning social skills that i can't teach him here (ie interacting with other children). I know he is safe there.

 

Right, i'm off, my head is a mess (hormonal woman i think! ). Any thoughts would be grately appreciated ,

 

Loulou xx (and little "bump")

[witsend]

Hi loulou, <'> . Not surprised you're feeling wobbly. Don't have loads of advice about what descision you should make, but give yourself time to mull it over you don't have to decide anything like now! It must have been a bit of a shock to hear about what the school think 2nd hand and I can understand you're feeling pressured (and big and round and hormonal? ). So take the pressure off yourself for a few days at least while you let it sink in. Whatever you do decide will be decided because you are trying to do what's right for Kai.

Take care

Luv Witsend.

[Kathryn]

Hi Loulou,

 

It's strange that the school didn't discuss it with you first. Only you can make the decision and it has to be one you're comfortable with.

 

Do you know what Kai thinks about it?

 

Take care <'>

 

K x

[LittleRae]

Hi Loulou

 

It's a tough decision to make, but you have to consider yourself and the baby too. Why don't you try it for a while - you can always cut down his days it it's not working.

 

Don't take this the wrong way but.... If Kai is aggressive to you, what will he be like when the baby arrives? Any child will feel put out by the arrival of a baby, it's only natural. If you don't have the time or energy to spend the same amount of time with Kai, what effect will this have on him?

 

Also, if you wait until after the baby is born and then feel you have to send him 5 days, how will he look at that? He could feel that he's being displaced by junior... If you do it now, he will not erroneously make a connection between junior's arrival and his departure. If he comes home for 2 days you can make it very special for him. You will be more relaxed (apart from night feeds.....etc ). It may be possible to have the baby looked after on a saturday for a few hours, when you could devote quality time to Kai.

 

And about him being Your child and You having to look after him... If it improves the quality of Kai's life, then you ARE looking after him. As many people have said here before, they have found that by sending their kids to residential school, they have given them a future. I think if you look at Kai's possible life in 10 years time, with residential school and then with things continuing the way they are, it may help to see the problem in a different light. After all, puberty is just around the corner !!

 

I don't envy you your decision - I hope it's one I never have to make. Thinking of you. <'> <'> <'>

 

A

[butterfingersbimbo]

i reckon the school were a bit worried about being honest with you....i think D's mum is right, its worth thinking about now as he could take it as being "pushed out" once the baby is here... its such a hard decision tho isnt it, i do really feel for you!

 

what does Kai think about it? what about a trial run in the new year? <'>

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Thanks for the replies. Thanks D's Mum what you said really makes sense. I hadn't thought of having someone look after the baby for a bit at the weekend, i'll ask my Mum and Dad .

 

I phoned school this morning and we're planning a meeting to discuss it next term. I don't want Kai to feel he is being "punished" by staying all week, so i'll have to broach the subject tactfully. He tells me he hates boarding and is planning to dig a tunnel to escape! I know he likes it really, because when i phoned to speak to him Monday night, the care worker said he was skipping happily along the corridor to the phone !

 

Loulou x

[butterfingersbimbo]

at him skipping to the phone! think you might have to make it seem like his idea somehow......