pingu Report post Posted April 6, 2007 (edited) Kieran has a new obsession..... Only its not one easily solved as I found out today. I need some input here, but how the hell do I handle this? WARNING - Ramble coming up-...... Kieran has been like a woodpecker on my brain for the last couple of weeks. Its been a mad couple of weeks as it stands, what with his hospital appointments, and the news of his legs, on top of that my hubbys mum has sadly died, and there has been so much to deal with - yet throughout all this Kieran has asked only one question. Every topic of conversation - every waking moment. (And more often than not each disturbed nights sleep) with the same question. "Can I go play over the road"... Such a simple request - yes!! But no! Thing is - the whole new obsession is about the house over the road. it has a playhouse and a trampoline in the garden, and the playhouse is on "stilts" these features have always been there for as long as we have been here and over the last 8 years 3 different families have owned the house. recently a new family moved in, and for as much as I stay out of other peoples lives I cant help noticing that there is an awful lot goes on over there and they have lots of kids (ive counted 8) so its always really busy with different kids appearing to have fun. but what the kids do is climb onto the playhouse, jump off onto the trampoline and usually bounce off the edge with blood curdling screams, followed by even deeper screams from the "daddy" of the house with raw requests to "STOP MAKING THAT {insert rude word here} NOISE !!! I have seen him strike his kids and be aggressive to his wife/girlfriend. He has a reputation as a woman beater and has 17 kids. (Not all live there).................... But... All Kieran sees is the playhouse and trampoline.. He wanted to know what it looked like in the playhouse, and wanted me to take him over for a look. I said I couldn?t because I didn?t know them, and so we set off on 2 weeks of meltdowns. Me refusing to go and ask them if he could have a look at the playhouse (on the grounds that I didn?t want to go over there) in between time, Steve has been going through a hard time because his mum died, and his family wanted us to take the kids to the funeral, we couldn?t take Kieran to the church because of his bladder problems and his hyperactive, and even the service at the graveside was disturbed with shouts of "can I go over the road when I get home"..... It all came to a head after the funeral yesterday. Steve stayed behind, but we left early as Kieran was becoming distressed, he had a proper meltdown when we got home, my mum and dad saw first hand what he can be like, especially when he locked us in the kitchen because I kept saying no to him. He kicked and screamed and shouted, because they were having fun over there and I wouldn?t let him go. He was saying things like ?I can?t think of anything else? and ?it?s eating my brain ? just let me see the playhouse?. And I thought back to June 2004, he wasn?t diagnosed then, but we were on holiday for 2 weeks the caravan site was a dump, it rained practically every day, and there was nothing to do apart from to visit the shops. On day 2 we were walking around the shops with Kieran in the pushchair when we came across a shop which sold household gadgets, and little ornaments. We went in and Kieran had his first vision of a fan. A blue electronic fan, and he wanted it. We said No, it wasn?t the sort of thing we wanted him to play with, it was dangerous. A five year old could get his fingers trapped in it and that would mean pain, so we said no and moved on. All the while with him kicking and screaming ? that was his first proper obsession. Every day after that for the next 11 days, he talked about that fan. ? We were on holiday, and no matter where we went, his new found speech talked of one thing. ?fans? on the beach (the 2 days it didn?t rain) The pool. / Pub. Diner. / Walks / amusements ? it was all the same ?can I see the fan tomorrow?, by day 13 myself Steve my mum and dad even liam and shauna, were saying ? just get him the fan !!. His communication was bad at the time, but on the very last day he said something I will never forget. ?its beautiful? and I understood him perfectly. Looking at that fan was the equivalent of me looking at a piece of art work. He saw in that fan a beauty which was just his. He loved the way the blue casing made the pale blue fan cogs looks almost transparent, and I gave in and bought him the fan. That fan brought him 6 months of pleasure until bouncy castles took over. But the fan is still also there. And every now and then he will get it out and play with it? Coming back to this dilemma. I knew he wanted to see the playhouse as he couldn?t ?visualize? it and it was basically ?doing his head in?. So he finally cracked me earlier, and when id finished splitting my 2 pots of aloe vera down (14 new plants) I took him over the road, and with a deep breath, asked the guy if he could have a look in the playhouse, he was ok about it, and told Kieran to stay for as long as he wanted (1st mistake) The other kids in the garden were all sniggering at him and mumbling, ?what?s he want????? and Kieran been completely oblivious to there nasty remarks bounced on their trampoline and had a good nosey in the playhouse. After which he was chuffed but didn?t want to come home as the mister had told him he could stay. Meanwhile one of the older children was picking up the youngest (aged about 2) and throwing him onto the trampoline, whilst others were launching themselves off the roof of the playhouse and bouncing off the sides of the trampoline. I was trying to persuade Kieran to come home, When the bloke told me I should bring him over more often ? I explained that he didn?t really want to socialize he just wanted to see his garden. I felt so awkward trying to explain to this stranger about what a problem Kieran can present. He was having none of it, saying that he?s had 17 kids and he?s never had an autistic one, one of ?em?s? got ADHD but they just let him do what he wants. ARGHHHHH? Now Kieran wants to go back over there, and im not doing it. Hes a lot happier now he knows what the playhouse looks like, but now he wants to go on the swings. ? Oh help. shaz PS. The playhouse is very unsafe the ladders are worn to the point of collapse and the floor is held togather by a few misplaced nails.. the swings are also ina very dangerous condition it looks like someone took a baseball bat to them and its just not safe !!!! . Nothing against the people for i dont really know them, i jyst know i dont want him over there !!. Babble over thanks for reading ! Edited April 6, 2007 by pingu Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted April 6, 2007 Hiya Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law <'> Sounds like you have a determined little lad there! This was the part that sprang out for me..................... PS. The playhouse is very unsafe the ladders are worn to the point of collapse and the floor is held togather by a few misplaced nails.. the swings are also ina very dangerous condition it looks like someone took a baseball bat to them and its just not safe !!!! . Nothing against the people for i dont really know them, i jyst know i dont want him over there !!. Please, please, please (etc...etc... ) feel free to ignore me totally, I can only suggest what i would do with my own son. But, there comes a point when I've just had to say 'sorry mate, but NO', and give him a clear reason why - that he will be able to understand - yup, it causes absolute h*ll for a while, and drives everyone nuts - but if it's really not safe for him there.....I personally can't see another way... Is there any way you'd be able to re-direct his obsession.. Would he get the same satisfaction from seeing other playhouses (i'm thinking at those garden centers where there are loads on display...?)? - Saying that, i would expect my son wouldn't see the connection with this fabulous playhouse he can't take his eyes off - and something in a garder center! Sorry i can't be more help - it's a tricky one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pingu Report post Posted April 7, 2007 hi smiley. thanks that did make sense. i totally agree with you. its just the "NO" bit that kieran cant wrap his head around. the thing is, we have a trampoline AND playhouse in our garden, we are thinking of raising our playhouse onto stilts maybe that would satisfy his need His first question this morning upon waking was "MAMMMMMmm Can i go over the road todayyyyy". I knew then that it was going to be another day of screaming fits. Thanks for the advice though. i wont ignore it. <'> Shaz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted April 7, 2007 Hi Could it be that he was curious with the change of family/unknown? You've done what you thought was best and took him over, but the reaction of the kids in the household (sniggering) and the father (you've seen him strike his kids and know he's aggressive), I'd try and give them a seriously wide berth. It is possible using a social story that you could try and explain about boundaries, personal space/social space, neighbours setting boundaries/fences, etc? Sorry not much help, but I do sympathise! Caroline Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted April 7, 2007 Yup, I'd go with the safety aspect, thats something he can understand. Good luck. OMG, 17 kids????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted April 8, 2007 (edited) Shaz, Good luck on this one I know how difficult it is when our children get obsessional about something and seem to totally focused on getting to what it is they want to do, see etc., I would agree with the others along the safety aspect when trying to explain to him but know it won't be easy and he 'll probably drive you nuts keep going on about going over the road. Here's to the next distraction. Clare x <'> Edited April 8, 2007 by Clare63 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
