Possible mild AS?

[Gull]

Hi all,

 

I know a little about ASDs purely because my work involves editing books on the subject. However, so much of what I've read makes me think of my 17-year-old son. Some of his main characteristics are:

 

Seeming lack of empathy - he once said to me 'I don't get empathy - why should I want to feel bad when it's someone else being screwed over?'

Lack of interest in his friends - if I ask him how they did in exams, what school subjects they're dong, etc, he hasn't got a clue and doesn't care.

Sensory sensitivity - very sensitive hearing, hates being touched. Doctors have great trouble examining his abdomen as he can't relax it when they prod it!

Lax, hypermobile joints, terrible handwriting, & rather clumsy & uncoordinated: he did have some physio for general strengthening years ago as he had a funny gait.

Generally 'klutzy': if asked to do a manual task like washing up - he'd have to be shown how (or is this just a ploy?!)

Not interested in socialising or parties, but has frequent get-togethers for role-playing games (someone once asked him if he wanted to go into town with them, and he replied that he didn't, as there was nothing he wanted to buy - or maybe that's just a bloke thing!)

No real interests beyond role-playing games & computer games (though does partake in political discussion forums on the PC)

Fussy food-wise.

 

On the other hand, he has no problem with eye contact, can understand facial expression, idioms and metaphors, and has an excellent sense of humour.

 

He's very intelligent, but underperformed in his GCSEs. Then, last Feb, he had to drop out of 6th form with ME. He's just starting an Open University course as he can do that around his own pace.

 

He was asked by a doctor the other day if he had any mental health problems, delusioons or hallucinations, and he ummed and ahed said 'I don't think so.' I asked him later why he didn't just say no, and he pointed out that if he did suffer from these, he may well not be aware of the fact!

 

My problem is, if he has some mild AS tendencies, is there really anything to be gained by suggesting to him that he should be assessed? I'm really not sure if there's any intervention that would help that he wouldn't otherwise be able to get - he did have some support at school for his handwriting, but I'm sure this can be arranged through the OU without any particular diagnosis, and I'm sure he'd be quite capable of washing up, cooking etc if he practised more! On the other hand, it could well have a negative effect on him if I told him he thought he might have a mild ASD. I did do an online test giving the answers I felt were most accurate for him, and the conclusion was 'Maybe', but of course, no teenagers are known for their social skills!

 

I'm not after a diagnosis, of course, and know the decision of whether to pursue this is mine alone, but any thoughts would be very welcome!

[DaisyProudfoot]

TBH Gull he sounds just like my Stephen (one of Martin's (AS dx'd) older bros). In fact he sounds remarkably like my Stephen, even down to the roleplaying games. Stephen is not dx'd AS although he probably has a higher functioning version of it disguised by the fact he is very, very intelligent.

 

Would it be worth asking your lad to read a couple of Aspergers books and work it out for himself, after all he is 17.

 

I got Stephen to do this because we were having problems with him adjusting to Martin's dx and when he finished them he said he reckoned he had AS too but it wasn't as bad as Martin's.

 

A lot of this does sound like normal teenage behaviour too. How long would you say you have been aware of his Aspie tendancies?

[Gull]

Thanks Daisy - it's reassuring to hear that my son's not quite so unique!

 

I'm trying to think when he first showed signs, though it would have been before I'd even heard of AS. He was a miserable, restless baby from the start, but developmental milestones were all normal. Never at all good at entertaining himself either, and I'm not sure he ever indulged in'pretend play' (though he did have an imaginary owl!). I do remember a friend commenting when he was about 6 that he didn't seem to know how to play I suppose when they're younger you just accept how they are and assume they'll become more like everyone else as they grow (particularly with your first), but once they're more or less adult you compare them with adults!

 

Do you think Stephen has benefited by knowing he may have AS, apart from being able to accept his brother's dx? Or would he have done equally well without being aware of it?

[DaisyProudfoot]

I think possibly Stephen has benefited but he's always been his own person and spends hours reading stuff on the internet or in books. I would say it's more we've benefited from Stephen deducing he possibly has AS because it answers many questions about him.

 

Martin has always been our problem because his AS is so much more defined - the monotone voice, the meltdowns, the lack of social skills, the refusal of eye contact - his is all classic AS.

 

Stephen's is more subtle and most people would probably just think he's a quiet, industrious lad who likes to be alone or with his own kind. If you're not interested in what Stephen is interested in he won't give you the time of day - as you can imagine he therefore has some very wierd friends

 

At the end of the day do you think your son would benefit from an official dx, if you think it will help him in his future careers then maybe but it sounds as if like Stephen he has his own circle of friends, he is bright enough to cope academically and could survive on his own in the future.

 

I'll put it into perspective: Martin will never be able to do the following without assistance - live alone without setting fire to the house, maintain a good relationship with a group of people without insulting half of them, go shopping with friends without giving his money away, stay away from a "bad" crowd, wash his clothes or change his sheets, be anywhere on time for anything, keep down a job, maintain good health and hygiene.....the list goes on.

 

Martin could starve to death playing on the computer

 

The difference is how easily could your son live without help in the future, he's 17 now, if you think he will have Martin's problems then yes a dx probably is a good idea, if not what good is the dx?

[Gull]

At the end of the day do you think your son would benefit from an official dx, if you think it will help him in his future careers then maybe but it sounds as if like Stephen he has his own circle of friends, he is bright enough to cope academically and could survive on his own in the future.

 

Thanks again Daisy - you've probably given me the confidence to go with my gut feeling that he wouldn't benefit from a diagnosis, though it may well benefit him to be a little self-aware of how he presents himself to others, which will hopefully come with time and a little gentle nagging Like Stephen, he's very much his own person, and is happy being who he is.

 

BTW, I love the bit at the end of your sig where you say you have a busy life. With 6 children, was there ever any doubt???

[DaisyProudfoot]

Your welcome

[Gull]

Well, ain't it just typical ....

 

I'd still been umming and ahing about whether to tell David about my suspicions - my hubby thinks he's just 'bleedin' awkward' - and eventually decided that if I thought he may have an underlying condition that could affect his life, as an intelligent more-or-less adult he had a right to know. So today, as we found ourselves in a cafe, I started the 'There's something I've been meaning to tell you ...' line.

 

His response when I told him? 'Oh, yes, I know, I think I have that too. I've read all about it on the internet ... I was worried you were going to tell me I had leukemia or something.'

 

Well, that's a relief! At least if he does encounter any problems in the future, he'll be aware that the cause may lie in his AS, and able to seek help if he feels the need. (He also has ME and is in the process of trying to claim benefits for this, and his first question when I wondered if he would like an official diagnisis was 'Would it get me more money?)

 

I've told him this doesn't give him a permanent excuse for being bleedin' awkward though!

[Karen A]

I am glad that the chat today went so well.My Ben would be most interested in potential to make some money too. Karen.