Aspie Questions:

[jim]

I have been living with the idea that I have a mild form of AS for about 4 months now. I feel like I have found out why I am like I am ! It seems to answer all questions about me. I have an appointment with a neuro in January and will try and start a process to get diagnosed officially.

But I have a few questions:

 

I used to go to a Pub, where I got to know lots of new freinds. But there was a man there who for some reason didnt like me. I suffered him for about a year. Everytime I was there he would try to find an opportunity to mildly insult me, or put me down.. In my head I dont feel inferior to him, and would like to laugh him off. And I am a qualified Civil Eng, and have a degree in Socio. and Psych. but I dont seem to be able to fend of such an attack. I cant respond quick enough and he frustrates me. It makes going to the pub no fun anymore and in fact, it stresses me to go there.

I did actaully confront him, but he denies a problem with me. I confronted the owner, and he admitted the man was a problem with other guests but wouldnt ban him... so I dont go there anymore.

This isnt the first time in my life I have I have avoided a pace because of problems with individuals. My father is exactly the same... from the outside he seems to take things too personally... and I find I do too... and I put it down to AS...Am I right to think this is typical behaviour?

I have recently left my girfriend (and feel muchb better) I have noticed that in my last three relationships, my partners annoy me to death. But instead of leaving or complaining, I sit in the realtionship and suffer it, until I cant take anymore... but really I guess it is that I dont have an adequate mechanism to solve problems I have in a relationship, and again, like the pub, the frustration sets in... in this As behaviour?

I have no problem meeting women in my life. I have had lots of relationships and the next will come along. But, I realise that the process of getting together is a nightmare. Because it is full of "between the lines" moments. To put it bluntly (and over exagerrated) I need a women to hold a sign saying "take me" before I am certain that she is responding to my wooing !!! I also find it difficult to converse. I salways want to talk about myself !!! But, over the years, I have learnt how to chat. I have learnt how to ask questions. I have learnt that women often say one thing and mean another... this side of my life is reletively in control... but: Do thses problems sound like Asperger problems?

 

I am a teacher and, of course, I excel at explaining !!! But I am now 43, and I find it increasiong hard work. I get stressed and overlaoded by having twenty (adult) students asking me questions all day. I love the work, I a good at it. But, I have noticed that teaching causes me stress since the day I started: But, I just put it down to nerves, or lack of self confidence, or normal stress.. Being younger, I could take more stress. I would drink beer to calm myself, and run in half marathons... But now, at 43: I cant can take it anymore. I feel I need to do a job where I am working with "something" and not "someone: Like an ofice job, something to do with desgin, or creating or organising...My attempt at career change will start in the new year and will probably take a year.. but: once again: Does this sound like a mild frm of Asperger behaviour?

 

MY main hobby is music. I cant read music because I find it a bit pointless and time consuming. But I write songs. I have written 387, the are all numbered and calatogued. I record them and play all instruments and store them on CDFs and as MP3. I dont do it continually, but when I do, it is intensive. After a few weeks and a few new songs, I move onto something else.. I have other intensive hobbies (like cycling) but I aslo have new "fads" I can become obsessed for a week with a politica theme, or a person, or a band, or a sport or anything really. Then I think about it an research it until I reach a point where I lose interest. Sometimes my grilfriendsa re part of this circle... when I am into something esle I am not 100% into them... but when I am into them, then it is intensive... dioes this sound.. apsie- ish?

 

I have no plans for the future. I find it hard to "see" the future. I have a plan to move to England, but I cant visualise it. So I wrote down every step involved in the process: Cancelling the milk, giving up the flat, renting a van, laoding the stuff... etc etc, until I had a 50 or 60 long list.. then I thought NOW I can see it !!! Does this sound aspie?

 

I have a video collection and watch the same videos again and agin. I think it calms me. I have a large music colelction, but Im listening to my favourite songs right now, and they are like balsam for my soul ! LAter I will go cycling and the monotony of the movement helps me to relax and think over things, and I lvoe the adrenalin.

 

I've been going to a sun studio this winter (twice a week) and when I come out I feel in a happy summer mood !

 

At 43 now, my biggest problem is stress. I am still fitk, but I am not getting younger, and I think things stress me more than when I was younger. It isnt a social stress. Not froma social situation. It is more a stress from communicating, or from living my life too fast, and not relaxing enough... I feel stressed mow from writing this !! But it is a pure physical stress without a socail reason. I am happy writing it. But I will drink camamille tee. Eat food and then go cycling and feel better !

... is this a typical problem of As ? What is usually done about it ? What are good ways of dealing with stress? I t5hink the probelm is knowing when to burn off the energy and knowing whehn to relax.

and finally, Merry Christmas and a happy New Year !!

 

P.S. Since I've known about AS, I've have come to the conclusion my life has felt like sharing a flat with Freddie Kruger: It isnt me that is a problem, it is life that often scares the hell out of me !!

Edited December 25, 2007 by jim

[zarathustra]

What can I say Jim, except welcome to the club. I would recommend very strongly that you visit a busier forum like www.wrongplanet.net that is almost entirely populated by people with AS and spend sometime talking to people there. Also search for posts on this forum by 'robot' who made a remarkably similar first post a few months ago.

[Karen A]

Hi jim.Happy christmas and welcome.

It is a bit quieter than usual here today.However there is a supportive crowd here including several people with AS.I am sure that what we may lack in numbers we more than make up for in friendliness <'> <'> If there are not many people around today please have another look in in a day or two.Karen.

[pearl]

Hi jim, as others have said its quiet here today but I'm sure there will be others along with their own experiences. You sound a lot like JP my son!

 

If the sun studio cheers you up why not try a light box at home instead as its much less dangerous than a tanning place (sorry its a bugbear of mine!) Perhaps you have a bit of Seasonal Affective going on during these dark days?

 

This is a good place & I'm sure you'll find support here.

[zarathustra]

And I'm still lurking around, ready to say hi again, when you drop back in.

[jim]

I think you are all very brave to read it all :-)

Thanks for the lovely words of support. I realise this is not the optimal time of year to post, but, I dont need answers straight away. I have waited 43 years to discover this, so a few more weeks or months wont hurt :-)

 

The more I think about it, the more I realsie I have no idea about "readiong between the lines". Sometimes I feel like Im still ten yearts old, in that I dont always understand all adult inuendoes... but then again, I do get most jokes..

 

I read today on another thread that Aspie'S often try too hard to be perfect. God ! I know I am talented, a nice person etc etc, but I still personally suffer because I dont think I have done as well as I should have in life !!! Who needs critics when you can do the job yourself :-)

 

I am off to get my best jeans on, and wander off to a pub (where I dont have a conflict with someone :-) ) I suppose I could also mention I have TSC (tuberous skerosis (90% probably), mild sleep epilepsy and Celiac)

[jim]

I have decided that by my next doctors appointment I will eeter the room and undress.

 

I am pissed off because I have spent a year trying to get help for my problem and until now I have received nothing.

 

Dont get me wrong. I am balanced and quite aware of what is happening to me. I am suffering more from Tsc and the AS which goes with it, and from ten doctors none of them want to take my case. I cannot find a doctor.

 

I want to make some kind of protest. So I have decide to strip naked at the next appointment. If you cant get treatment: force it !! I cannot go on without help. I have noone. I know that it wont take much to support to help me lead an almost normal life, but after four beers, I am sitting here quite normal, quite logical, quite relaxed, and I know I cannot keep up my life without some help kind of help and support- which I cannot find.

I am pissed off with meeting doctors who say (without examining me and just by looking at me, and with no prior knowledge of me) "go away I a room full of MORE ill people "

 

I just need help. But it isnt there....

[krystaltps]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time getting a doctor to listen to you.

I know what you're saying about stress, and feeling stressed all the time... I watch it in my son and other family members (including myself) with AS traits. The permanent feeling of being "wound-up", the anxiety that goes along with it and the physical symptoms that arise from that stress on the body. I also know that teaching is not the most stress-free job. And the sleep epilepsy wont be helping the situation either - DS2 has nocturnal seizures and, even if it's only 1 or 2 a night, he is exausted the next dayas he's not getting a proper, undisturbed sleep.

It is possible to seek diagnosis privately... I know that some on the forum have done just that. They may be able to give you some advice on how to go about it. I think that, sometimes, it's the best option.

[jim]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time getting a doctor to listen to you.

I know what you're saying about stress, and feeling stressed all the time... I watch it in my son and other family members (including myself) with AS traits. The permanent feeling of being "wound-up", the anxiety that goes along with it and the physical symptoms that arise from that stress on the body. I also know that teaching is not the most stress-free job. And the sleep epilepsy wont be helping the situation either - DS2 has nocturnal seizures and, even if it's only 1 or 2 a night, he is exausted the next dayas he's not getting a proper, undisturbed sleep.

It is possible to seek diagnosis privately... I know that some on the forum have done just that. They may be able to give you some advice on how to go about it. I think that, sometimes, it's the best option.

What complicates it, is that I have lived in Germany for 15 years. Here, everything is private ! But there is private (for everyone) and private (for the rich) and I can afford that. I have even been told: No we cant help you, but if you have money then we can !!!!

 

I look normal, healthy, attractive (or so I am told). When I walk in a doctors surgery, you wouldnt think I was ill !!!!! But the Sleep problems (TSC) the sleep rhythm (Epi) the diet (Z�lli) and the routine and stress (AS) are individually all manageable, but together, they can be hard to handle !!! And I have trouble convincing people of that !

[zarathustra]

Isn't remarkable how doctors seem completely unable to empathize with us autistics. I'm not sure being in the UK would help matters; adult provision is still generally dire. The only thing I can say is that there is little in your posts that I don't recognize from my own life...

[jim]

Isn't remarkable how doctors seem completely unable to empathize with us autistics. I'm not sure being in the UK would help matters; adult provision is still generally dire. The only thing I can say is that there is little in your posts that I don't recognize from my own life...

 

That is a great comfort. Because I dont feel "ill" anymore. I used to think I got nervous and stressed because I lacked confidence, and then the answer it to face the thing causing me stress. But now, I know that isnt true. It is the Aspie in me, and that cant be "cured" because it isnt neccessarily an "illness". So, I am learning to avoid stress and to do things that reduce my stress levels. And to go back to the first point, it is a comfort to know others are in the same boat. I gives me the feeling I am not alone, and It makes me more relaxed in myself when these tricky situations happen. I dont suffer them anymore, I think, "right" what is wrong, and how do I stop it. I act immediately and routinely to change the situation: I go for a walk, I go cycling, I drink camamile tea, I play a relaxing familiar song, I play my guitar or a let my frustration out... in the end, I suppose it is learning to live with it and not let it scare you or dominate you.

 

I wrote a song a while back called "over my dead body." And it was really posing the question: Would I give up my song writing skills, my drawing skills, my creativity, if it meant I was "cured" and could live life the same as an NT.... I think you know the answer :-)

[zarathustra]

For all the many problems I have, I've never wanted a "cure". I'm not sick, I'm just me. I'm a long way from being perfect, but I'm an OK person. I play guitar too. My favourite progress [played barre] Am, G, F and resolving to E. [Often used in flamenco, and Bert Janchs "Angie"]. Best Wishes. Z.

[jim]

For all the many problems I have, I've never wanted a "cure". I'm not sick, I'm just me. I'm a long way from being perfect, but I'm an OK person. I play guitar too. My favourite progress [played barre] Am, G, F and resolving to E. [Often used in flamenco, and Bert Janchs "Angie"]. Best Wishes. Z.

That's wierd !!! I have that progression in a song. Am on the 5th ( but jsut fingers on the 5th, 4th and 3rd) then G on the thrid (with the 6th open) and F top with the six open.. Am plucked, G and F strummed and then a back thumb strum on the E ( like spanish flamenco)!!! It is the middle part of the song with a wailing harmonica on top ! It was a song of anger about a Ex !!!

[Corcaigh]

Hi Jim, if I were you I would skip your GP altogether and would get a therapist or a counsellor (pick somebody trained in dealing with AS, it would be the best) to have a chat with.

Keep always in mind that AS is not an illness (and you seem very fit indeed! ;-)) but just a different wiring, and a good chat with somebody sympathetic is worth more than 100 GP's examinations

Keep us posted!

 

Martina from Ireland