A Christmas Story

[lorryw]

Christmas morning, up, quick walk in the park with dog and back for breakfast.

Inspect the defrosting turkey crown on return. Although M & S clearly insist it should defrost in 10 hours, some 12 hours later it is still a frozen lump. Panic sets in and I try to stay calm, parents arriving for lunch in 4 hours. Give way to panic and start wailing about wretched turkey. Husband obviously finds this faintly amusing and points out "its only a b***** turkey,dont worry about it"

I am not famous for my culinery success in my family. Only that morning we had been chortling about our first Christmas when I had bought a huge chicken mistaking it for a turkey. It had no meat on it and was tough as boots.

My parents arrive and insist a late luch will be fine. We decide that the turkey is now defrosted and put it in for the alotted 2 hours. Two hours later it is still very pink and shove it back in for another half hour. An hour later is is still not cooked, everything else is ready and I have a mad impulse to run screaming round the block. My Mum suggests we eat it with some ham, which we do. It was pretty grotty with overcooked veg and coldish stuffing etc.

I fetch desert from kitchen and hear violent coughing. My Dad is obviously choking and my Mum and hubby are frozen to the spot. I thump Dad on the back but nothing helps and Mum yelps that his eyes have rolled back. In desperation I do a sort of heimlich thrust and he splutters and starts to breathe. My obviously worried Mum says, "I keep telling you to write a will"

A while later Dad is gently nodding off and I ask husband to take a picture. He leaps up to get the camera and yelps in pain. His knee cracked and begins to swell and we have to apply a bag of frozen sprouts to ease the pain.

Later that evening Mum and Dad thank us for a lovely day (!) and my Mother kindly informs me that its probably all down the "change" (I turned 50 this year) Thank you Mother!!!

Happy New Year to you all!!!!

Edited December 28, 2007 by lorryw

[Karen A]

<'> <'> I had a very uneventful time compared with you.Karen.

[pearl]

Oooh, dear. <'>

 

"I keep telling you to write a will" that did make me laugh though, sorry!

 

Confucius say: turkey, he take twice as long to cook as M&S instructions, but pigs in blankets take only half the time.

[Clare63]

Awwwww Lorry, thanks for sharing your Christmas story, sorry but it did make me laugh, hopefully this will be one of those tales you will be able to tell in the future like your first Christmas !!!!

 

Clare x

[anita81]

im a useless cook.turkeys always under cooked,spuds lumpy,sprouts turn to mush etc.so this year i did a buffet instead of cooking.

[hev]

lorry you did make me laugh,sorry love