Tricky situation at school

[jlp]

Ds#1 (8 with AS) was given a statement in September with full time support. He has 2 support workers, one of whom he has had since he was 5 and another TA who's new to him in September.

 

He's really taken a dislike to his new support worker. I think she's very strict with an EBD background. Now he does need to learn to accept instruction and discipline, I know this but it's a huge jump. I know I sound very airy fairy but I pick my battles with ds carefully (biggies such as violence / safety and we're trying with no success as yet to stop the shouting at everyone) otherwise I'm onto him constantly.

 

The dislike has been growing week by week and is now a major anxiety with him obsessing, counting how many days he has till he sees this TA and not being able to get to sleep. I have a feeling it's all going to blow very soon.

 

I really need to have a word with the TA and explain this but how do you say it without sounding extremely critical? She has a very hard job, we're well aware of this and she's still quite new to him so they need to learn how to deal with each other. I know she's been trying to be more positive but ds will go into meltdown very easily at the slightest pressure. I was going to leave it and let the explosion happen if it happens but he was so upset tonight I promised I'd try and think of the best way to deal with the situation.

 

I'd find it easier to approach a teacher or the asd liasion but feel that that would be wrong and that I really need to say something to the TA or it's going behind her back. How can I say it nicely?! I'm really non confrontational and have never been in this situation before. He loves his other worker and has always been fairly indifferent to other workers he's had in the past.

Edited January 14, 2008 by jlp

[pearl]

Ooh thats a tough one jlp. Its such an important relationship for your son & its so important they get on, I can understand why you are so worried.

 

If you feel uncomfortable approaching her then I would listen to those feelings & have a quiet word with the teacher initially, thats not going behind her back as its your son you are concerned about. The teacher may have noticed friction between them & may be able to approach her diplomatically, after all thats part of her job.

 

I'd feel exactly the same about approaching her directly - I've done that once & once only when I had no other choice. I was sooo nervous & its hard to get across what you are feeling when its like that, so dont beat yourself up about it.

[krystaltps]

Hi, I had almost exactly the same problem when C had a new assistant 18 months ago. I would address your issues to the class-teacher first of all, but try to do it in a friendly way - make it clear you are not complaining as such but more "making helpful suggestions" - this attitude should hopefully be conveyed to the assistant, rather than the dreaded words of "We've had a complaint...". It is the responsibility of the class-teacher (or any SEN teacher involved with your child) to request what an assistant does and suggest how they go about doing it.

The teacher may even arrange for you to meet up with the assistant - this is what I try to do regularly with the parents and assistants I work with (with me there). The parent is such an invaluable resource in terms of information and suggestions, and most of the assistants are delighted to receive advice from parents. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it this way.

In the end, (after a huge temper-explosion as a direct result of the assistant's handling of C, and with total school refusal on C's part... and a whole load of other issues involving use of restraint, etc that made the whole issue rather delicate) I had to go to our area network co-ordinator (who's now my boss, but wasn't back then), and inform her what was happening. She agreed that the pairing was not a good one and arranged for the assistant to attend AS-specific training (so she could see that behaviour management wasn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing). Alas, there was no improvement so eventually C was alloted a different assistant who also worked in the school.

Hopefully though, all it will take is a quick word with the teacher.

 

Edit: thinking about it from the class-teacher's viewpoint, she'd probably prefer for you to approach her first anyway, as it is her (the teacher's) responsibility, not the assistant's.

Edited January 14, 2008 by krystaltps

[Karen A]

Hi jlp.Support for Ben in school and understanding of how to manage situations to avoid conflicts developing over small issues has improved a lot since an ASD outreach teacher did some whole school training.So it may be worth suggesting it alongside the ideas others have suggested here.Karen.