A question to adult aspies??????????

[tsmom]

Hi,

I hope no-one will mind me asking but i really need advice.

My Dd is 12 and in mainstream school with 1-1 support.

She doesnt acknowledge other students in her class.She does have a couple of friends in her yr and a few friends that are a few yrs older.

Her one friend has brain damage due to an accident her other friend has been her friend all through school.I belive this friend also has a learning difficulty.It was brought to my attention by my DDs friend mom that other kids laugh at T and her friends and say it because she has a disability.

I was extreamly upset by this and have been concidering if mainstream is the best place for my Dd.

My question is how did you manage to get through school into adult life,learn to cross the road ,to get on transport and all the other thing NT teenagers do.

I am desperate to do the right thing but im also aware that she has differant social needs and i want to understand the best way of helping without causeing even more anxiety.

Thanks Tsmom

[harmony]

Hello

My Dd is also 12, with AS, She is in mainstream school too. She has a few friends who also have 'issues' but I have not worked out what they are yet. I am sure our daughters will be ok. Somedays A is fine, scatty, messy, smelly but fine. Other days she fidgets, flaps, crys, has meltdowns becomes obsesive, and everything that comes out of her mouth is innapropriate. Yet, I try to focus on her good days, she was really tuned in this am, so I gave her a couple of pounds to go and buy a paper for me, and some milk and a bar of choc for her at the newsagent down the road. I watched her all the way there, she had a list incase she forgot. she also had my mobile with her, with me at the other end. I saw her go in, and watched her come out with everything she had gone in for!!!! huge result. I was crying with joy. A small task but it showed me she can do it, If she can do that, in a few years who knows what she will be able to manage. Try to keep positive, I know it's hard. I am sure there are people on this site who will be able to give you info on how they manage day to day. best wishes with everything

 

Harmony

[Tally]

Some of my friends told my mum that I was terribly bullied all through school. I however, was completely unaware of it and unaffected by it. Obviously it's not acceptable for people to bully her, but your daughter may not be as upset about it as you are.

 

I am in a rush right now, but hopefully I will have more time tomorrow to write something intelligible.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

i will get meggzie to have a look here

she is nearly 14 in mainstream

x

[Shnoing]

...

My Dd is 12 and in mainstream school with 1-1 support.

She doesnt acknowledge other students in her class.She does have a couple of friends in her yr and a few friends that are a few yrs older.

Her one friend has brain damage due to an accident her other friend has been her friend all through school.I belive this friend also has a learning difficulty.It was brought to my attention by my DDs friend mom that other kids laugh at T and her friends and say it because she has a disability.

I was extreamly upset by this and have been concidering if mainstream is the best place for my Dd.

If she doesn't 'see' the other students in her class she probably won't be too upset by them laughing at her (behind her back?). It is quite common that Aspies do not realize that they are being bullied, although it might have an impact onto their general 'feeling' or well-being. Sometimes they just don't find the word for it. (I, as a boy, remember being bullied from ages 12 till 15)

Re. her friends. Aspies won't 'get it' that you normally 'have to' discriminate against people with brain damage. Perhaps that's why she has befriended her friend.

My question is how did you manage to get through school into adult life,learn to cross the road ,to get on transport and all the other thing NT teenagers do.

...

It takes more time. And it helps if the rules (e.g. how to cross the road) are explicitly worded and told again and again.

[Lucas]

Part of the reason why Aspies tend to be targets not only for casual bullying but extremely hostile bullys is because of the common non-reaction to it. Bullys want to see a reaction in their victims and when Aspie teens don't give them it, it's very frustrating for them so they try even harder sometimes. This can get to a 'tip-over' point where there is an incident and unfortunately the Aspie involved takes all the rap for it. Bullying must be stopped as soon as it comes to light and schools should get out of this ridiculous mentality where they refuse to accept bullying happens on their turf or they insist it's so insignificant or 'just kids being kids'.

 

Unfortunately my own experience of going from teens to adulthood isn't positive. The biggest inhibitor to learning how to use the bus was my mother very myopically saying untrue things about 'idiots that hang around the bus station' and causing me alarm that was never neccessary. The second would be that no one taught me how the system works: in some cities you have to signal for the bus at the bus stop to tell the driver not to drive past, but this was never the case in Harrogate, so I once spent a very distressed three hours in Leeds failing to get a bus to stop and take me home. No one told me I had to press the red button when my stop is coming up, I assumed that because the buttons were red that they were for emergencies like on trains.

 

Basically, the two big barriers for an Autistic person learning something is the same for Neurotypicals: lack of information and inaccurate information. It's just that how Autistics interprete information is different and has a wider impact on how we function.

[Tally]

I am not keen on public transport. Fortunately I can drive, so I don't have to use it regularly. I used to take the bus to school with some friends. So I know how to take the bus to school, but that is not terribly useful any more. I recently took a bus home from the train station, but I was very nervous about many aspects of it and could not understand the timetable, and when I did get on, there were some teenagers who threw things at me and made a lot of noise. I think I would not even get on if it was crowded. Getting a train is easier, and I am quite confident about travelling by train. If I was doing a new journey I would plan it very carefully and make sure I had plenty of time so I didn't miss connections.

 

Mostly, I learned to do adult things very slowly. Even though I took an extra year in the 6th form, I still wasn't ready to attend university with my peers, and so I missed the opportunity. Even at 26 I need a lot of advice from my parents on domestic issues.

 

My parents never really permitted me much independence as a child, and it was kind of thrust onto me once I left school and got a job. It was a lot to get used to all at once, but I got there in the end. I think that anything you can do to teach her the skills she will need is a good thing.

[tsmom]

thank you all so much for your help.

Lucas i agree with you that bullys should be stopped and not just classed as kids being kids.

Toria will say she doesnt like the girls in her class,but not why.The information about kids laughing at her came from a friends mom.the school have acted and are on the whole supportive,yet they said they are mainstream and try as they do they are not specalists.I am looking at two units today but to be honest the only one with a space is to far 13miles.

My dd is my world i cant stand the thought of kids being nasty when all she does is worry about doing the wrong thing.She a loving girl but she so doesnt understand teenage behaviour.last night she was in our garden with my friends dd.A boy in the garden behind was flirting with them my dd came to me and said mom C is being nasty,i asked why she said he said Hellloo,my friends DD said no tor his not being nasty he is flirting.She stormed off and said C go get a friend dont flirt.

C laughed which made me mad so i went out and told him to stop looking over my fence and to leave my dd alone.

I have tried to explain flirting but she said its silly why not just say i like you,why pretend not to??????? why play fight ?????????.

As for buses she cant cope with not knowing who will be getting on /off the bus.she fine on a coach.