broken hearts

[lisa35]

just in process og going through assessment for statement, have had to explain to 12 yr old son that current school maybe not best place for him, and that we have to think about all options. Dint think we could not say anything, especially as the process comes to a final statement

Thought best to start being open with him, especially when other professionals start to get involved, all we want is what best for him

He is so low, school so hard for him, having 1;1 at mo, but only cos things are so very bad

He has some lessons away from class, has few friends, and not a soul comes near in holidays

He is falling behind, and we re looking at possibilty of unit attached to mainstream

He just sent me this via email, my heart is broken

 

Should we just ve left it, and said nothing! Things have been slightly better, he is calmer, but not ideal

WHY?! I DONT WANT TO MOVE F G SCHOOLS COZ ALL MY FRIENDS ARE AT THIS 1 AND WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER AND I HAVE MORE FRIENDS, YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAY FROM ME I HATE YOU

[Enid]

I really feel for you <'> When I took my son out of mainstream in December he was exactly the same, he hated me for taking him out, even though he wasnt coping, and the school defo were not, they had him on half days and he was still sent home most days at 11ish He dosn`t like his new school any better, he says, but, he is coping soo much better than I would have imagined, even with the 1 hour taxi drive each way. hope it works out for both <'> Enid

[baddad]

Hi Lisa -

 

A really difficult decision whichever way you decide to go...

A couple of things I'd consider critical -

How hard is he finding things academically? Is the difference the unit can make likely to be huge, or can he 'cope' where he is (academically, I mean - it sounds as if he's liking all other aspects of the current placement) without it having a major negative impact?

 

How realistic is his interpretation of events? Is he really making genuine friends at school? Are those friendships developing into out of school social networks for him too? (I know you've covered that in the above, but wondered if maybe things are

starting

to happen there?)

 

 

If the unit could make a big difference and he's really struggling, and the 'friendships' are more casual or circumstantial than genuine/ongoing i don't think you have many options... secondary school is likely to get tougher and tougher - both academically and socially - as time goes on and if it's really not likely that he can deal with that the longer he's there the greater the challenge in getting him back on track elsewhere...

 

Big, big subjects for a kid, but certainly not ones that you should avoid even if it does create upset in the short term. Whatever the circumstances of his entrance into the new unit (if that's what's decided) it's important that he's played an active role in the decision, even if the 'active' only means him being aware of the decisions being made for him and the reasons behind them.

 

That thing about 'friends': It might be upsetting and difficult, but if it really is the case that nothing is happening ouitside of the school gates for him you have to be 'straight' with him about that too. A bitter pill, but maybe one that gets him into an environment that offers real opportunities.

 

Hope that helps

 

[Suze]

Baddad has said exactly what I was gonns say, my boy would tell you he has "friends", but the reality is they are just folk who talk to him , when my son moved to a unit when he went to high school, we took him on a few trips first, I know it might be early stages for you but I think I,d give him a tour of future schools etc.We found the staff hugely helpful and I,m sure you will find that they will chat and explain things to your boy.

 

............I would just keep talking to your son as much as you can and reassure him that you want to help etc and how much you love him <'>

 

......all the best suzex.

[lisa35]

thanks all

baddad- academically he has dropped, from English-5c, maths-4b,Science-5c in primary to 4as for all (year 7- High school) School assessment states no measurable progess and current results are consumerate with his ks2SATS results.

 

I cant see how he can maitain the pace as things improve, even he drops levels academically then this may help- but will end up being bored as the subject level will be below him

 

As for friends- I think the kids tolerate him when hes calm, he says Ive got "friends" but this holidays is typical example, noone calls/ texts/ calls for him, its so upsetting, we ask kids, they come once, but dont return call/ or ask him back.

 

but certainly not ones that you should avoid even if it does create upset in the short term. Whatever the circumstances of his entrance into the new unit (if that's what's decided) it's important that he's played an active role in the decision, even if the 'active' only means him being aware of the decisions being made for him and the reasons behind them.

 

This is why Ive started to tell him- he needs to know- but as we all know our kids like"definates" and the truth is right now we dont know what the outcome will be.

I just want him to be happy, even if it meant academically he achieves nothing! Even school have said right now academic achievemnt is least of his worries, as things are so low.

 

Ive just said to him if you have "friends" where are they now, he blames me! obviously, said they re just busy, and have alife! Thing is we constatntly taking michael out of, ask kids time after time, for his sake, they take advantage, as do the parents

 

 

Thanks for the advice, it really does help, I think I know what ansewr is xxx