oh dear

[sesley]

i feel like crying he did this last Firday,so it was no Wii,no playstation,so coming out of school he is he know he's done wrong,he was with deputy head who grimly handed him over and said he the the teacher,and he telling me there is no playstation today, so i added no bike,which was with me as well. all the way home,i don't know how to get through to him that is wrong no matter how he gets,so no bike over the weekend no tv now or today, so he says he will have to be bored.What i can understand its over his refuseal to go to assembly,i'll have to go in on Monday and ask,if its necessary to be forced to got to assembly.its obviously buzy and noisey and confusing thats causing him stress about going in to it.

[Enid]

OH NO, poor you what a start to the weekend, I absolutely hate having to punish for things that happen when I am not around, although I do, and with hitting teachers, well theres no excuse, mine has done it too, plenty of times Enid <'>

[tsmom]

There is no way we can not punish for hitting anyone teacher or anyone.However im getting increasingly frustrated with this school system where one size fits all.If he is upset enough about assembly to hit the teach why has no-one thought dont take him in.If he misses assembly whats the problem???????????its far better to have him calm.The child cant learn if he is so stressed as to hit out.

Sorry to rant but i dont get why schools force these things.T is likely to be moving to a unit due to this kind of thoughtless attitude when with a little understanding and adjustment she could stay at the local school.

 

Its just to much like hard work for them.I agree he needs to know not to hit but school need to take away the thing causeing him to hit.

[baddad]

I went to a Ros Blackburn lecture the other night. She (dx of severe autism) has very strong views about this kind of thing. Basically, if we don't equip our kids to develop coping strategies to deal with this kind of thing how can we expect them to cope?

Finding ways to help him manage to attend assembly is enabling him. Letting him 'opt out' is disabling him.

For years I argued with professionals who thought I'd be 'helping' Ben by doing our weekly shop without him. It took me a long time to find the solution (CD walkman, then gameboy), but we got there.

 

sesley - really sympathise - horrible situation. Do you think the sanctions help? I always figure something really immediate has more of an impact, and a w/e without games or bike sounds more like hard work for you than him! (My guess is you'll end up 'filling the gaps' yourself, because not keeping him entertained is too much of a strain on your resources?) When ben did this kind of thing it would be 'hard tack' for the rest of that afternoon & evening but a fresh start next day...

 

Assembly - If this does seem to be the key issue (it could be something else about assembly - having to stand still (a biggy if there are lax muscle problems/dyspraxia), other kids in close proximity,maybe he has to hold a TA's hand or something...? If it's 'body space'/other kids you may be able to negotiate more standing (or sitting) room, if it's aches and pains from standing still he could be allowed 'stretching ' breaks... if you can find specific problems and solve them the general goal of attending assembly may be more achievable than it appears.

If it's actually assembly itslef, maybe he could 'build up' to full attendance - starting with say 10 minutes, then twenty when he can do that and then the whole thing? If you negotiate that with him, so he has a sense of personal responsibility in the targets, he'll be more likely to achieve it than if it's something reluctantly pushed upon him.

 

Hope that helps

 

[sesley]

the hard part is he starts by setting his own agendas on what he can do without,the second is getting him to understand why its wrong to hurt someone else,and how to control the and talk about what caused him to his catch phrase on every question, is "i don't know",so maybe he doesn't really know he can't remeber he's blotted it out its so awful,he won't talk and say how he is feeling or whats upsetting him,its all guessing on our part, they have taken him for short times in assembly then take him out when he gets restless,the end of term service is coming where they invite selected class group parent's the hall is too small for everyone and i think its all too noisey,too busy,too full of human beings ,he can't deal with large gatherings of people its too much for him to cope with the social ettiquette etc and i wonder too if he is aware of end of term coming,every year this happens,i don't know if he gets anxious about all the changes and excitement of people talking about holidays and we had sports day and that was fine until the flat race and with all the other parents gawping too becaue he couldn't win the star he is.the sanctions all though he he does except and amuses himself with alternatives,he says he will be good tomorrow and he is sorry and i believe him because he is, its just he forgets or doesn't realise that sorry means not doing it again,i am looking forward to end of term now so we can relax for 6 weeks until they go back fresh in August, here in the Highlands the school break starts on June the 27 thanks for hyour inputs anyway,its great to chat and share simular experiences with others that understand. i'll go and have a sherry soon after i chased him to bed and calm my nerves