placement failing

[hassleabe]

well we have a meeting tomorrow with our sons school as we all feel that the placement isnt going as it should ......not sure how i feel i want whats best for him but hes not happy there and he feels he isnt gettin the education that he needs and to be honest i agree and i am still dealing with his panic attacks at least 20 times a day via the phone he wont turn to them ...i want to be selfish and say i dont want him home i start university next week and cant do with what i put up with while i did my college course last year when he wasnt in school the temper the beating the police the lot but then i listen to him and know its not working there so my high court battle didnt really do one bit of good did it?????? wish i could curl up in a corner and just not have to think anymore ...but i know as his mum i have to pick up the fight again.....we'll see what the meeting brings tomorrow afternoon love bren

[Enid]

Nightmare, do you think he needs a 52 week palcement, with the option to come home regularly, all being well. Also, perhaps he should also not be able to phone you all the time, def through the school day! that would give you a break, he could then phone you before tea and bed etc, says she whose son also phoned her 20 times a day whilst at respite! but I tell him that I wont answer the phone to him while at school and I dont!! dont take him out if you can until they have another placement. I would really really think about the phone cos you are not getting a break even when he is not with you! <'> <'> Enid

[hassleabe]

Nightmare, do you think he needs a 52 week palcement, with the option to come home regularly, all being well. Also, perhaps he should also not be able to phone you all the time, def through the school day! that would give you a break, he could then phone you before tea and bed etc, says she whose son also phoned her 20 times a day whilst at respite! but I tell him that I wont answer the phone to him while at school and I dont!! dont take him out if you can until they have another placement. I would really really think about the phone cos you are not getting a break even when he is not with you! <'> <'> Enid

i will have a word about the phone but to be honest i have a feeling it may be them who are going to withdraw the placement its a feeling i have

[Enid]

so, excluding him! good luck, be thinking of you. <'> Enid

[Enid]

How did you get on? Enid

[Flora]

Are you sure it's that the placement is failing?

 

When Bill first started at his resi school I was getting these regular heart rending phone calls off him... they would start at about 4.30pm and go on all evening on and off. At first I was sympathetic and stayed on the phone, but I started to get really fed up and frustrated with the situation.

 

It got increasingly worse over a period of a few weeks and in the end I tackled him head on. I knew the school was right for him, the school knew it was the right placement for him... the only person who really had a problem was Bill! It became apparent that the problem was one of attitude. I used scare tactics on him.... ie... after this there really is no where to go. I also pointed out that he had to take some steps to meet people part way.

 

I got him to identify areas that COULD easily be dealt with... ie, problems that could be solved easily in a practical way.

 

He also wrote down why he was feeling so negative (I posted it all in a thread so it will be still here... in education sectionssometime around April/May time. I shared this with the school and asked them to work with me on this by trying to distract him from making these negative calls home.

 

I then made a stand to him about the calls; if he rang for a chat and was friendly Iwas happy to talk to him, but if he rang in one of his 'woe is me' moods I told him to go and chill out and ring me when he was less stressed!

 

These solutions might be totally inappropriate for your son, but it's just something to consider. Ask yourself if you believe the placement is the right one. If the answer is yes then you need to get the school to work with you on changing your son's attitude, and to do this before they decide to throw in the towel. Some kids just don't want to be at school, any school... even the one's that are geared up for them and if they think they can get out of it by pushing a few emotional buttons, they will! (I'm not saying this is the case with your son...I'm saying it was with mine... and how I dealt with it)

 

Just to finish off... Bill is now really settled and amazingly happy at school now; and believe me, nothing could be worse than the reaction he had.. it was trully awful... but just a bit of reverse psychology and tough love can often bring amazing results very quickly.

 

Flora

[hassleabe]

Are you sure it's that the placement is failing?

 

When Bill first started at his resi school I was getting these regular heart rending phone calls off him... they would start at about 4.30pm and go on all evening on and off. At first I was sympathetic and stayed on the phone, but I started to get really fed up and frustrated with the situation.

 

It got increasingly worse over a period of a few weeks and in the end I tackled him head on. I knew the school was right for him, the school knew it was the right placement for him... the only person who really had a problem was Bill! It became apparent that the problem was one of attitude. I used scare tactics on him.... ie... after this there really is no where to go. I also pointed out that he had to take some steps to meet people part way.

 

I got him to identify areas that COULD easily be dealt with... ie, problems that could be solved easily in a practical way.

 

He also wrote down why he was feeling so negative (I posted it all in a thread so it will be still here... in education sectionssometime around April/May time. I shared this with the school and asked them to work with me on this by trying to distract him from making these negative calls home.

 

I then made a stand to him about the calls; if he rang for a chat and was friendly Iwas happy to talk to him, but if he rang in one of his 'woe is me' moods I told him to go and chill out and ring me when he was less stressed!

 

These solutions might be totally inappropriate for your son, but it's just something to consider. Ask yourself if you believe the placement is the right one. If the answer is yes then you need to get the school to work with you on changing your son's attitude, and to do this before they decide to throw in the towel. Some kids just don't want to be at school, any school... even the one's that are geared up for them and if they think they can get out of it by pushing a few emotional buttons, they will! (I'm not saying this is the case with your son...I'm saying it was with mine... and how I dealt with it)

 

Just to finish off... Bill is now really settled and amazingly happy at school now; and believe me, nothing could be worse than the reaction he had.. it was trully awful... but just a bit of reverse psychology and tough love can often bring amazing results very quickly.

 

Flora

thanks flora we had the meeting yesterday and a few things are being sorted out...there is a major thing which i cant discuss on ere but they are goin to do another risk assessment and put things in place to deal with it ,,,,they are also taking him out as much as they can now they also want me to put up with the calls for now as they feel that he needs to do these calls to feel safe at the moment but if he discusses things with me and i am concerned about what he is sayin i have to rng them so they can explain the situation better as he is only hearin part of a conversation and misunstands the rest then adds to it .....they are also goin to buy him and his rabbit a lovely big shed so they can both feel safe in there and today they are sorted him some courses with learn direct as he wants to get some proper qualifacations so things seem positive ..he is due home tonite for the weekend....

[Enid]

well its better that him leaving so I expct you have to go with the flo for the time being, its early days so things could get much better, they are being very accomodating re his rabbit!!! good luck <'> Enid

[hassleabe]

well its better that him leaving so I expct you have to go with the flo for the time being, its early days so things could get much better, they are being very accomodating re his rabbit!!! good luck <'> Enid

he as asked them for some quial today lol think he could be pushin his luck