traumatized

[longmeadow]

We have had another day of hell

 

Our daughter has been in a strop all day

 

It started last night, 4 times she was out of bed, in the end she woke her 17 year old sister up to sleep with her in the spare room

 

This morning we left home to visit B & Q and Tesco's, my husband and I came back wishing we had never got up.

 

This evening she has been playing ball in the garden with the three dogs and getting really wound up to the point of crying because they wont do what she tells them too.

 

I am constantly walking around close to tears, I think we are going to have to go to the doctors to get referred instead of leaving it to the emergency meeting with the EP for her Dyslexia.

 

Last night, she lost the plot three times when visiting two relatives homes, it just seems to be getting worse.

 

I have taken advice from this forum and today I purchased a book to create a diary of events.

Edited September 20, 2008 by longmeadow

[NickyB]

I'm not sure what to say except I know exactly how you feel <'>

 

I hope you get some answers and some support soon - definitely a good idea to keep a diary.

 

Take care <'> <'>

[Cat]

I can only give you some insight into how it is for us with our two sons and why they act and re-act in certain ways.

 

 

Our daughter has been in a strop all day

 

It started last night, 4 times she was out of bed, in the end she woke her 17 year old sister up to sleep with her in the spare room

 

I know that your daughter has no diagnosis at the moment but if it is Aspergers that she has then sleep can be an issue. In our house it is an on-gping issue and has been for many years now. My eldest son who is now an adult led us a merry dance for years before he was able to explain what it really was that was stopping him from sleeping and why he hated being alone at night. My son hates the idea of everyone in the house being asleep together. He is afraid that something will happen while we are all asleep. It is irrational but he did see our neighbours car stolen one morning at 3am so to him that was endorsing what he already felt. He also replays his whole day in his head when he lies down and if there were bits that he did not like that makes him feel scared and he needs company. Finding ways round these issues have not been easy and he still has many problems sleeping because of his fears and phobias. It could well be that your daughter has some issues that even she does not understand at the moment. All I know is that taking light bulbs out of sockets and removing plugs from TVs (as we were advised to do) never made the problem any better for us because you can not stop someone from being afraid by making things worse for them.

 

This morning we left home to visit B & Q and Tesco's, my husband and I came back wishing we had never got up.

 

I am assuming that your daughter went with you to B & Q after a rather bad nights sleep. Shopping trips and AS do not always go together and there are a lot of things to jangle your senses in B & Q. My eldest hates the place and will only ever sit in the car and wait for us. He finds their lights difficult. He finds the fact that there are fork lift trucks all over the place and you never know when one will come in your direction worrying, and that means that he is only switched on to getting out of the place and so shopping with him is terrible. He martials you around the place telling you to look out for things meaning you never find what you went there looking for From a totally different angle our youngest loves B & Q but the place over stimulates him. He does not know what to look at first. He wants to spend hours in their shower cubicles. After that he needs to see the door bells and try them all. He loves the tape measures and wants to see all of them. Which ever one we take with us there is very little shopping done with either of them. Tesco's well supermarkets are a nightmare with both of mine full stop. Again for very different reasons but mostly again because of their sensory issues. My youngest is convinced that everyone in the place is looking at him and talking about him and he hates it. My eldest finds negotiating other people difficult and following him around the place with a trolly is like taking part in a grand prix Doing two places like B & Q and Tesco's on the same day would be a BIG no no for us. The first shop would totally overload my sons making the second shop a total right off.

 

This evening she has been playing ball in the garden with the three dogs and getting really wound up to the point of crying because they wont do what she tells them too.

 

My two expect everyone to know without being told what they are thinking and what they want you to do. Clearly your daughter thinks that the dogs should be able to do this to. If my sons have a map of how things are meant to be in their heads and things do not go that way then they also become frustrated. Your daughter is expecting the dogs to do as she wants them to and when they will not she finds it very frustrating.

 

 

I am constantly walking around close to tears, I think we are going to have to go to the doctors to get referred instead of leaving it to the emergency meeting with the EP for her Dyslexia.

 

Good move Once you know what you are dealing with it is easier to cope with because you can then set about finding out what makes your daughter tick and explode and you can find ways to help her and understand herself.

 

Last night, she lost the plot three times when visiting two relatives homes, it just seems to be getting worse.

 

When my sons are stressed out the last thing they can cope with is visits to other people's homes. It matters not if they are relatives. Home is where they feel most comfortable and different people live by different rules so visiting other people's homes can be very difficult for them - especially two sets of people in one night.

 

We always try and space out things that we need to do so that it is easier for the boys. It is not giving in to them it is accomodating them and meeting their needs. It is also better for us in the long run because if we just steam ahead with what we want to do and the boys can not cope with our plans it all goes pear shaped for us to.

 

I have taken advice from this forum and today I purchased a book to create a diary of events.

 

This is a good idea because it will help you to see if you can spot any trigger points for outbursts yourself.

 

Cat

[mandyque]

I can totally sympathise, I have it the same with my dd. All you can do is cut things down into bite sized chunks, only do one shopping trip/visit at a time with them, and perhaps avoid the places which wind them up the most. It's hard to balance out life as it is, and a life which our kids can cope with, and it might be hard for you to adjust, but IMO it's vital for your own sanity.

 

For instance, I know that if we go to tesco, we have to go upstairs, look at the CDs and DVDs, then back downstairs again, she then goes round and gets a chocolate bar, then we choose a comic. After that, it's round to the toys, and if she hasn't got a DVD or CD, then she has to have a toy. THEN I'm allowed to go and get some shopping! If it doesn't happen this way then we have mega meltdown time, until she is allowed to go and carry out her routine. So, if I'm not up to it, or she is in a bad mood already, or I'm skint, then we simply don't do tesco, no matter how much I need stuff. I tried to go to B&Q (coincidentally) after a shopping trip, it was a nightmare, she had a meltdown and got really anxious about going in, then once I'd calmed her down and we were inside, she slipped her shoes off and we had to retrace our steps right the way back through the whole store to find them again as I hadn't noticed

[jonathan]

We have had another day of hell

 

Our daughter has been in a strop all day

 

It started last night, 4 times she was out of bed, in the end she woke her 17 year old sister up to sleep with her in the spare room

 

This morning we left home to visit B & Q and Tesco's, my husband and I came back wishing we had never got up.

 

This evening she has been playing ball in the garden with the three dogs and getting really wound up to the point of crying because they wont do what she tells them too.

 

I am constantly walking around close to tears, I think we are going to have to go to the doctors to get referred instead of leaving it to the emergency meeting with the EP for her Dyslexia.

 

Last night, she lost the plot three times when visiting two relatives homes, it just seems to be getting worse.

 

I have taken advice from this forum and today I purchased a book to create a diary of events.

Hi

Is certainly sounds like classic aspergers syndrome to me, with regards to the sleeping my son takes melatonin and if I give it to him aound 7pm he usually(unless he is really anxious) will go to sleep around 9.30pm I made the classic mistake when it was recommended to me to not want to

give him medicine but all it does is level out the melatonin that is need in the brain to help them wind down 2mg a night is great!!, I understand the close to tears in you I wish I could give you a hug <'> as I have been here so many times, try to get some time for yourself(easier said than done)cause you need to re-charge your batteries, I feel really frustrated that you are not getting a proper diagnosis for your daughter, I found the more tense I was the worse he was, I really know it isn't easy but try to focus on anything good she does for now and give lots of praise and let go for now any meltdowns she may have, I found with Jonathan that the more I told him off the worse he became it is like the opposite of any parenting that you have ever learn't also I do a merit chart when he get a reward(choc bar anything really) if he doesn't have a full meltdown, and only whinges rather than losing it completely, this seemed to help, as for visiting relatives, I found if we spoke and ignored him he would interrupt constantly, then I would tell him not to be rude and then the meltdown would start, instead i always warned him days before we were going, then offered a reward (something small or something he like doing with me) if he was good when he was there

and then massive praise when we got home for being good, really worked and he actually started to enjoy the visits also if he needed me when I was talking to the relative I would say excuse me to the relative and answer him so he didn't get frustrated to much!

I home some of this helps best of look with the diagnosis

take care & remember you are not alone

[jonathan]

I can only give you some insight into how it is for us with our two sons and why they act and re-act in certain ways.

 

 

 

 

I know that your daughter has no diagnosis at the moment but if it is Aspergers that she has then sleep can be an issue. In our house it is an on-gping issue and has been for many years now. My eldest son who is now an adult led us a merry dance for years before he was able to explain what it really was that was stopping him from sleeping and why he hated being alone at night. My son hates the idea of everyone in the house being asleep together. He is afraid that something will happen while we are all asleep. It is irrational but he did see our neighbours car stolen one morning at 3am so to him that was endorsing what he already felt. He also replays his whole day in his head when he lies down and if there were bits that he did not like that makes him feel scared and he needs company. Finding ways round these issues have not been easy and he still has many problems sleeping because of his fears and phobias. It could well be that your daughter has some issues that even she does not understand at the moment. All I know is that taking light bulbs out of sockets and removing plugs from TVs (as we were advised to do) never made the problem any better for us because you can not stop someone from being afraid by making things worse for them.

 

 

 

I am assuming that your daughter went with you to B & Q after a rather bad nights sleep. Shopping trips and AS do not always go together and there are a lot of things to jangle your senses in B & Q. My eldest hates the place and will only ever sit in the car and wait for us. He finds their lights difficult. He finds the fact that there are fork lift trucks all over the place and you never know when one will come in your direction worrying, and that means that he is only switched on to getting out of the place and so shopping with him is terrible. He martials you around the place telling you to look out for things meaning you never find what you went there looking for From a totally different angle our youngest loves B & Q but the place over stimulates him. He does not know what to look at first. He wants to spend hours in their shower cubicles. After that he needs to see the door bells and try them all. He loves the tape measures and wants to see all of them. Which ever one we take with us there is very little shopping done with either of them. Tesco's well supermarkets are a nightmare with both of mine full stop. Again for very different reasons but mostly again because of their sensory issues. My youngest is convinced that everyone in the place is looking at him and talking about him and he hates it. My eldest finds negotiating other people difficult and following him around the place with a trolly is like taking part in a grand prix Doing two places like B & Q and Tesco's on the same day would be a BIG no no for us. The first shop would totally overload my sons making the second shop a total right off.

 

 

 

My two expect everyone to know without being told what they are thinking and what they want you to do. Clearly your daughter thinks that the dogs should be able to do this to. If my sons have a map of how things are meant to be in their heads and things do not go that way then they also become frustrated. Your daughter is expecting the dogs to do as she wants them to and when they will not she finds it very frustrating.

 

 

 

 

Good move Once you know what you are dealing with it is easier to cope with because you can then set about finding out what makes your daughter tick and explode and you can find ways to help her and understand herself.

 

 

 

When my sons are stressed out the last thing they can cope with is visits to other people's homes. It matters not if they are relatives. Home is where they feel most comfortable and different people live by different rules so visiting other people's homes can be very difficult for them - especially two sets of people in one night.

 

We always try and space out things that we need to do so that it is easier for the boys. It is not giving in to them it is accomodating them and meeting their needs. It is also better for us in the long run because if we just steam ahead with what we want to do and the boys can not cope with our plans it all goes pear shaped for us to.

 

 

 

This is a good idea because it will help you to see if you can spot any trigger points for outbursts yourself.

 

Cat

Just wanted to say great advice cat!