Help/Advice: Noise sensitivity and intent?

[Icarus101]

Hello,

 

I'm a 40yr old male who was diagnosed with Aspergers just over a year ago, although I had a 4 year fight before that to get it.

 

One of the main symptoms that causes me problems is my sensitivity to noise. I just out of my skin at the slightest noise, and have difficulty

relaxing if there are certain noises like the hum of a refrigerator or florescent lighting.

 

I was moved to a semi detached bungalow 2 years ago so that I didn't have too many neighbours, and for the first year it was relatively quiet,

but last year my neighbour did some redecorating and moved some furniture around. Since then, his carers have slammed a chest of drawers

closed every time they get him up and put him to bed. That's twice a day, once around 9am and then around 8pm. It took 6months of complaints,

to their regional office, to my support worker, to the council and finally to the head office, before they stopped doing it. For the past 2 weeks they've been

quiet, but last night I had to come home late with a friend, and although we were quiet, it would have been more noise than I normally make as I hardly

ever have people around because I don't like to make noise. So tonight the carers were not only later arriving but they were noisier than they had been for

the last 2 weeks.

 

I'm having difficulty believing it was just a coincidence and not retaliation for the other night.

 

The trouble is when you are sensitive to noise, you notice things that ordinary people don't. So I am always noticing that people seem to make more noise

if I make noise that I don't normally make.

 

So I'm left in an awkward situation, in that I believe the noise was made on purpose but not being able to prove it.

 

It's bad enough being sensitive to noise without also having to try and figure out whether noise is being make on purpose or by accident.

 

In terms of dealing with noise, I've done everything practical I can. I sleep 2 rooms away in my sitting room, I wear headphones and earplugs, and I try not to make noise myself.

 

I just don't know what to do, as the main problem is not the noise, but the intent of the person making the noise. I can't put up with accidental noise but when I believe

it is being done in retaliation I can not handle it and end up feeling isolated and abused.

 

What can I do?

 

Thanks.

 

P.s. I've tried talking to my neighbour but he denies that any noise I make disturbs him, even tho he only seems to make more noise when I make noise and has also said that the previous occupant of my place complained about him slamming doors and he said he didn't care that it disturbs the previous occupant.

Edited December 4, 2008 by Icarus101

[Jericho]

From reading the comments your neighbour made to you about the noise it's my guess that it's not done intentionally but more out of a general lack of consideration for others. He admitted to you that he didn't care about whether or not the previous occupant was bothered by the noise. I would say that he is just making the noise because he can and because it's the way he is rather than out of spite or as a means of revenge.

 

You sound so much like my husband (he has undiagnosed AS) that it's almost uncanny. For a moment there I thought he'd joined the forum without telling me.

 

 

[peaches]

Im sorry to hear you are troubled with noise, I too have had to put up with it and it has made me fairly miserable. Neighbour disputes have also made me miserable. They just arent worth it, get out if you can. I had been used to living in a detached, and when I had to downsize and move to a terrace it was a nightmare with noise, even though the neighbours were perfectly nice people.

 

Its probably not practical, but the best thing I did was to move. I now live in a very solid old semi detached house and we hear very little noise, if any. We probably make more than our neighbours do. But, if this isnt practical, look into soundproofing as this was something I was looking into before we moved. Also, if you have more than one bedroom, try the other one.

[chris54]

I imagine that it must be a nightmare, if you are noise sensitive.

We use to live in a semi next door to an odd couple, a retired man and his mother. Both with very poor hearing.

 

Fortunately it did not worry us but you could hear their telly as if it was in the same room. When the old lady died it got a bit better. Not sure what new owners will make of it.

[Icarus101]

Thank you for the replies.

 

I really don't know what to do. I'm agoraphobic, so can't go out to get away from it.

 

I wear earplugs and headphones but they are difficult to use as the batteries on the headphones run out quick as I have to have the volume up to hear them through the earplugs.

 

I lost it last night and ended up slamming my bedroom door a couple of times and shouting through the wall at them.

 

What makes things worse is that I feel so alone, as I have no one who can come around when it happens and either be a witness or just help me through it.

 

This place is as quiet as it can be, it is just the carers that slam furniture when they don't have to.

 

The reason why I need to prove intent is because I believe they are doing it on purpose, knowing that it causes me distress. All they have to do is close a chest of drawers and a cupboard quietly

so I can't see why it's that much of an imposition on them. They are supposed to be a professional caring organisation, so why has it take 6 months to get this sorted?

[Icarus101]

I imagine that it must be a nightmare, if you are noise sensitive.

We use to live in a semi next door to an odd couple, a retired man and his mother. Both with very poor hearing.

 

Fortunately it did not worry us but you could hear their telly as if it was in the same room. When the old lady died it got a bit better. Not sure what new owners will make of it.

 

I would never be able to deal with hearing my neighbours music or tv. I've had it at other places and it drives me mad. It is even worse when all you can hear is the mumble mumble of a tv, as my brain tries to make out what it is hearing but can only make out bits and pieces.

 

The problem with the noise that is disturbing me at the moment is that it happens twice a day, everyday. It happens between 8am to 9am, and 7pm to 8pm. But because it is loud, sudden noises that's the problem, I don't know exactly when its going to happen. I start to tense up at 7pm ish and then can't relax until they made the noise and only after I've known they've gone for good.

 

It has been going on for over 6months now. For the first year they wasn't doing it and I had now problems with them but after my neighbour moved the furniture they started. I've only 2 or 3 weeks of peace when my neighbour has been in hospital and the carers haven't had to come around.

 

I'm already on edge tonight and am so worried they will do it again, so even if they don't they've already caused me distress.