shaz71 Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Hi i originally spoke with my health visitor about worries about my daughter Melissa who is 7 in August i have always had problems from when she was a small child. She is defiant, she is social but doesn't understand social cues or personal space, i wouldn't say she is very into routines but i do stick to one anyway but she doesn't like change before she used to tantrum about it now she tells me that she doesn't like it as it confuses her or she goes hyper and into her own world. She does have some sensory issues with clothes, labels and socks, she as obsessions unusual for a girl, she loves dinosaurs and as done from being very young she has never really played with dolls not like you would think she is currently different animals and she was a dinosaur the other day and carried a doll in her mouth and then dropped it and stood on it like a dinosaur would. She is also into speed limits and tells you when you are speeding, she speaks in a monotone voice, she is struggling at school as she goes into her own world, i could go on and on. Melissa as already seen a speech therapist that said she isn't overly worried as she is social but she is behind by a couple of years in understanding, grammer and comprehension, she didn't do much eye contact first time but it was a little better the second time so she thought it was to do with strangers and she noticed she tended to go into her own world. The teacher says she isn't overly concerned as she is one of the younger ones in the year so she may take a little longer to develop she is year 2 but she also did say she is quite immature for her age she is still at the touchy feely stage. Recently though her behaviour as gone through the roof, defiant, more so turning into animals and more hyper and also she is repeating herself and others regularly, anyway on Friday she came home with a lizard saying she had made it i said i don't think you did, you have taken it from class does your teacher know she said yes, so i said i will ask her about it so she started carrying on saying NO NO. I ended up having a word with the teacher about it she said i didn't want to worry you as i know you are worried but she has started taking things, i know who to go to when it does she doesn't admit it but will then hand it back saying she has found it coicidently, so we aren't making a big deal out of it. Anyway i got a phone call last week saying to come this week and it is a one off appt and further will be made if needed, so goes to the family and children unit and i started getting lost following all these posts well Melissa started panicking, she said i don't like it, it is confusing me got there and at first she seemed fine playing with this book with pop ups and flapping the birds and butterfly wings, she likes birds as she becomes one on the way to school, so the lady calls us in and takes us into the play room to talk and obviously assess Melissa and Zoe as well but mainly Melissa. Well she did me proud thank god there is nothing worse than going and then the kids acting normal and making you look a fool. Well she did no eye contact whatso ever, the lady asked her questions she just straight blanked her and also now and again grunted at her, she played with 2 barbie dolls in a jeep in the sand for about 5mins and the lady asked if she liked playing with the dolls Melissa just grunted and went onto something else. She then went onto bury dinosaurs, by the end of hour and half the room was ransacked so the lady asked Melissa to help with tidying, she said NO kept persevering but to no avail me and the lady ended up doing most of it then Zoe the nearly 2yr old started helping with picking some balls up so Melissa then picked a few up so i praised her for that, the lady who was a pshychologist said she was a part of a team and said it could have been her or a specialist nurse or someone else i can't remember but she did say she wanted to see me again without Melissa and go through in detail what is happening, which i am glad as i forgot to take my mini booklet with me with all her behaviours so would have forgotten to tell them all about them all. She asked if she thought Melissa knew we were talking about her i said no as she goes into her own world and probably blocks everything else out. So at least i can get help for her and myself with her behaviour as i am really struggling it really wears you down the constant defiance and challenges and now my nearly 2yr old is a little so and so yes you can say well that is terrible 2's but she has been like this since the age of 10mths and she is getting worse, so god knows what she is going to be like at 2. The speech therapist said she doesn't need to see Melissa socially as the teacher said she is fine but i have seen her in her peers faces and shouting and to me that isn't fine and she drags her friends around as she is the boss and they play her games. It is hard, out of school she does have friends but she likes them younger as she as more in common with them but even then she ends up going on her own and playing dogs as they don't understand her, i think she is a dog so she can lick things as she licks everything herself posts, windows. She is also does things without thinking she has nearly gotten run over once for dropping a stone and going back to get it out of the road, luckily we grabbed her by her coat, another to try catch up with her grandad she ran into the road as it was the quickest way to go around the people than through them into the path of an ocoming car missed her by cms. She also took a bike not knowing how to use the brakes and went down our street which is a bit of an hill straight onto the road at bottom, luckily no cars, burnt herself twice on sparklers, pulled her teeth out with string tied to door handle pulled 2 teeth out, no fear whatso ever. She likes to take things to bits, she is a bit of a tom boy prefers cars, aeroplanes, helicopters etc, but then loves to play with hair we keep saying she is going to be an hairdresser, but she is adament she is going to work with animals. Sorry nearly wrote and essay but there is loads going on with her at the moment, i think she is playing up as me and her dad split up in September so obviously a big change but i also moved the furniture around at home and she went mental and has done since, she will get used to it but i think she is more bothered about the furniture than her dad going as the behaviour started around xmas time when i did the furniture, or should i say moreso, it is her way of coping. Sharon x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kookoo123 Report post Posted January 28, 2009 Hello, Sharon, and welcome I am new to the site, just been here about a week but my son is 13 now. I was about to log off and your post caught my attention and i couldn't go without saying something. i am glad you wrote your 'essay' as you call it. You quite obviously needed a very good get it off your chest rant. Even if it hasn't changed the facts, just ranting feels so good. I am going to have to be brief here, but one of the key facts I learned quickly was how not to be seen as stressed out/ can't cope/ blame the mum type meeting and instead be seen as yes of course i am stressed for obvious reasons so I want/deserve/need help, at the meetings with professionals. Hope that made sense. You said in your post about your 2 year old and how people can say "oh, thats just what kids are like". even proffesionals say that but its pretty clear that your psychologist shares your concerns. One thing I wish I did straight away but did later was to sort of divide up the concerns into typical, typical ish and of concern. Like when he was 2,3,4,5 he was (still is) difficult at bedtime. things are better but oh boy the routin is pretty solid, its just an easier to do routine. I learned that the problem was that: his milky drink must be at a certain temperature in a certain cup, he had to press th buttons on the microwave and watch the timer count down, the bedroom door must be at a certain angle and other things, then all ok. But if all I had said he is difficult at bedtime, it wouldn't have made much 'impression' as a genuine ongoing concern. So you could present it in a rough form like: problem bedtime What exactly causes you concern? Blah blah what i just said above Is there anything that helps blah blah Because you will come up against what the professionals call extreme end of normal behaviour. If you demonstarte you are aware of this you will present as a parent who is wanting to learn how to help their kids as opposed to a parent who just can't parent, which was what i was told when i had my first proper appt with a psych. Apparently I wasn't concrete enugh. I was even told this when buying a next stage car seat in well known shop when he was 18 months old.He was always escaping from them. (Lots of padding and he stopped when i worked it out.) Can't you just say no said the lady in the shop. Grrr. So again that issue could go under the above headings as: prob... Always undoes car seta What exactly....... That no amount of distraction prevent it from happening. I have to sit in back at all times, while dad drives. He is distressed by being strapped in. He cries as if he is in pain. What helps extra padding between him and buckle. This was in a form style but i couldn't get it to work as a post Of course, this style might not be for you and you couldn't do it for every single thing but it can really show clearly the areas of life that your daughter finds so overwhelming. It will create a pattern even that you may not have seen before. It jsut makes it easier to talk through with the dr adn see yourself where you may need to go eventually with the help, like interventions or techniques. Like i say, it provides a base plate to buil don so to speak. One which is clear and shows your obvious intelligence! I guess its just shortening the route of all thw wuestions you'll be asked, but you'll still get the, lease don't be downhearted if you do this or something else and the dr doesn't want to know. They all have their ways. JUst a thought, anyway. It might not be for oyu, but eually it might be and others seeking first time help might like the idea. Come to think of it, I need to do this again about how his school affects his stress levels at home... Hoe you get all the help you need, let us know. Kellyx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shaz71 Report post Posted January 29, 2009 Hello, Sharon, and welcome I am new to the site, just been here about a week but my son is 13 now. I was about to log off and your post caught my attention and i couldn't go without saying something. i am glad you wrote your 'essay' as you call it. You quite obviously needed a very good get it off your chest rant. Even if it hasn't changed the facts, just ranting feels so good. I am going to have to be brief here, but one of the key facts I learned quickly was how not to be seen as stressed out/ can't cope/ blame the mum type meeting and instead be seen as yes of course i am stressed for obvious reasons so I want/deserve/need help, at the meetings with professionals. Hope that made sense. You said in your post about your 2 year old and how people can say "oh, thats just what kids are like". even proffesionals say that but its pretty clear that your psychologist shares your concerns. One thing I wish I did straight away but did later was to sort of divide up the concerns into typical, typical ish and of concern. Like when he was 2,3,4,5 he was (still is) difficult at bedtime. things are better but oh boy the routin is pretty solid, its just an easier to do routine. I learned that the problem was that: his milky drink must be at a certain temperature in a certain cup, he had to press th buttons on the microwave and watch the timer count down, the bedroom door must be at a certain angle and other things, then all ok. But if all I had said he is difficult at bedtime, it wouldn't have made much 'impression' as a genuine ongoing concern. So you could present it in a rough form like: problem bedtime What exactly causes you concern? Blah blah what i just said above Is there anything that helps blah blah Because you will come up against what the professionals call extreme end of normal behaviour. If you demonstarte you are aware of this you will present as a parent who is wanting to learn how to help their kids as opposed to a parent who just can't parent, which was what i was told when i had my first proper appt with a psych. Apparently I wasn't concrete enugh. I was even told this when buying a next stage car seat in well known shop when he was 18 months old.He was always escaping from them. (Lots of padding and he stopped when i worked it out.) Can't you just say no said the lady in the shop. Grrr. So again that issue could go under the above headings as: prob... Always undoes car seta What exactly....... That no amount of distraction prevent it from happening. I have to sit in back at all times, while dad drives. He is distressed by being strapped in. He cries as if he is in pain. What helps extra padding between him and buckle. This was in a form style but i couldn't get it to work as a post Of course, this style might not be for you and you couldn't do it for every single thing but it can really show clearly the areas of life that your daughter finds so overwhelming. It will create a pattern even that you may not have seen before. It jsut makes it easier to talk through with the dr adn see yourself where you may need to go eventually with the help, like interventions or techniques. Like i say, it provides a base plate to buil don so to speak. One which is clear and shows your obvious intelligence! I guess its just shortening the route of all thw wuestions you'll be asked, but you'll still get the, lease don't be downhearted if you do this or something else and the dr doesn't want to know. They all have their ways. JUst a thought, anyway. It might not be for oyu, but eually it might be and others seeking first time help might like the idea. Come to think of it, I need to do this again about how his school affects his stress levels at home... Hoe you get all the help you need, let us know. Kellyx Thank you Kelly a lot of that made sense, she did ask me what i wanted out of the sessions and i said to help with her behaviour at home mainly and when we go out as a family and she asked about it i just explained she is hyper, she acts as animals when out mainly a dog, she howls, barks, licks, goes on all fours and is very defiant. Funny you should mention bed time we do have a routine but she has added something to that routine some warm milk to help her sleep as she does struggle to go to sleep as she has bad dreams, she likes the door open with the light on in the hallway and we do a kiss and cuddle routine and read a book. She likes to wear mainly skirts and flimsy tops even in the cold i explain that it is sub zero and she won't have it the only reason i can think for this is that she is free in them feel the air on her body, she strips off when she gets home wears nothing so i wonder if she feels warmer clothes more restricting. Even after school she takes coat off and cardigan and runs like a whippet she is off. My stress levels are through the roof, on the way home from their grandparents who live just around the corner they were both licking a road sign and a telegraph pole, Melissa goes through gloves like no tomorrow as she goes on all fours in the street so obviously gets dirty, you should see the looks, i said shall i get you a dog lead she said yes.....Sharon x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kookoo123 Report post Posted February 1, 2009 Hi Sharon, How are things right now, any more news. Do yo have another thread going somwhere? I'd love to keep up and try and help out. Kelly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shaz71 Report post Posted February 1, 2009 Hi Sharon, How are things right now, any more news. Do yo have another thread going somwhere? I'd love to keep up and try and help out. Kelly Hi Kelly Melissa as been defiant today really bad she stripped my bed so she could jump on it then tantrumed when i made it again whilst i was doing that my 2yr old pulled down some curtains in bathroom, arrrggghhh!!!! Went shopping today she found a cocktail stick on the floor picked it up and put it straight in her mouth i said it is dirty but she wasn't bothered i tried to get it out of her mouth she run off laughing my 2yr old pushed a little girl really hard i apologised to her mum but the look i got which i don't blame her i had to put her in timeout she screamed her head off i just stared out of the window, pair of them have been little so and so's today. Early to bed i think for all of us. How as your weekend been? Sharon x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
