Explaining loss of pet to child with asd

[julie-2]

Hi all,

 

Hope your all keeping well.

 

How do I explain to my 8yr old daughter Sian who has asd, about our beloved pet dog sooty being run over by a car on monday night.

 

The dog was fantastic with Sian and my teenage son who also has anger issues and other problems.

 

The dog also seemed to sense Sian's difficulties, and was so gentle and affectionate towards Sian, she would even wait by the window every afternoon for the school bus to drop Sian off. The dog was also like a therapy for Sian, and could also make her laugh.

 

We only had her a year she was still a very young labrador and so full of life, and energy, its totally devastated all of us a family, and we are all trying to come to terms with it still. I am still not sure whether it would be the right thing to get another dog straight away or not, would be good to hear of anyone whose lost their family pet, and and has a child with special needs, and how you explained the situation to them.

 

And if anyone knows of someone that has a labrador puppy for sale in the london area please let me know.

 

julie

[Moll]

I'm sorry about your dog, you need to work inside your dd's understanding what does she know about road safety and cars and has she any experience of loss?

 

Please never use the word sleeping with a child when dealing with loss, someone once said this to my son and he got very angry that we needed to go to the cemetery to wake his sister, it can also cause a fear of sleep, we always use dead, it may sound blunt but it does not lead to misunderstanding.

 

I also shy away from heaven as children tend to think of a place you can go like London.

 

A nice story my mam told me was when you die you no longer need your body, you can never feel hurt or pain again, but the special part of you the love stays for ever, she also said this love becomes a star in the sky and when you are sad you go out at bed time and tell the stars.

 

I think about been able to tell the stars is important as it tells the children it is ok to talk about it, also make sure there is lots of drawing paper and crayons and if possible ask her to draw the dog to go on the fridge, drawing will also help work out fears stress etc.

[Kathryn]

Julie, sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.

 

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I agree it's best to keep the explanation simple and straightforward and if she wants to, you could maybe work together on doing or making something to help remember the good times, such as making a photo album, or planting something in the garden.

 

K x

[baddad]

Julie, sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.

 

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I agree it's best to keep the explanation simple and straightforward and if she wants to, you could maybe work together on doing or making something to help remember the good times, such as making a photo album, or planting something in the garden.

 

K x

 

The garden thing is a good idea. Ben's first cat got run over while we were on holiday last year, and for obvious reasons I had to keep quiet about it for a few days. We diverted to my sister's house on the way home on the pretext of dropping off a present and I quietly explained to him there...

I had bought a picture frame without him seeing while we were away (it had ceramic cats around the outside) and we printed off his fave photo of Tabby Links which he keeps on his sideboard. We also buried TL's collar in a 'special place' in the garden.

We just got a new cat a week before Christmas. Ben didn't want one prior to that; we just sort of waited until missing TL evolved into wanting a new friend, IYKWIM. I think it's a good idea to give kids that time rather than just rushing into getting a replacement if they have got really attached.

 

Hope that helps

 

L&P

 

BD

 

[skye]

I don't have any great advice. I just wanted to say that I was very sad to read about what happened to your pet. Some friends of mine got a really super great dog from Battersea Dogs Home. I am not sure about Labs, but you never know. -Skye